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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to break up with someone over 1 comment?

86 replies

MsALB · 11/09/2018 10:08

i have been with my boyfriend for 4 months, we do not live together. we do stay at each others a lot but we usually order food in or do something from the freezer, i had a go at cooking a meal and it was pretty awful haha and he said "you would be a bad wife if you cant cook" and i assumed he was joking (he knows i am a feminist and might say something like that as a laugh but then will clearly be joking) so i was like oh i guess youre kidding and he seriously went well you would need to be a bit better than you are and i was like why and he said well to feed the children and i said well you could get better too and he comes back with well if youre being honest, is your mum or dad a better cook? and it just really got to me from that bit tbh. i dont know if it seems silly to be completely put off by someone from that 1 comment, but i really am.

OP posts:

EleanorLavish · 11/09/2018 10:09

He is showing you his views.
They are shite.
Dump and move on.

Original poster

MsALB · 11/09/2018 10:14

its weird he has usually agreed with me with a lot of sexist views, so im a bit surprised and wondered if this one view would be enough to be put off.

OP posts:

Housecoatdiva · 11/09/2018 10:16

It's a bit ott to dump. If you love him and see a future then have some conversations / debates and educate him. People can change their views when confronted with a good arguement. If he's incapable of doing this then maybe rethink the relationship.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 11/09/2018 10:16

You can break up with him for any reason you like, but its not like he hasn't got a point, sexist or not. If you did have kids with him you are by far more likely to be the one at home doing the cooking for them.

Original poster

MsALB · 11/09/2018 10:17

@TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 why am i?

OP posts:

Aprilsinparis · 11/09/2018 10:18

I agree with EleanorLavish

TanteRose · 11/09/2018 10:18

you are by far more likely to be the one at home doing the cooking for them.

Really??

numptynuts · 11/09/2018 10:18

No give him a chance. They can be educated, trust me. I've done it they're not all lost causes

AlleyG · 11/09/2018 10:19

He's a sexist cunt. He's showing you his true colours. Bin him off and find someone better.

GreenMeerkat · 11/09/2018 10:19

@TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 why should she be? Men get shared parental leave these days and more and more are becoming SAHDs. If both parents work full time it would be equal.

Bit 1950s.

PickAChew · 11/09/2018 10:20

It's all of 4 months. I imagine he has a lot more where that came from.

BIN him and move on.

Havaina · 11/09/2018 10:21

Ugh why is it OP's job to educate him?

He knows OP is a feminist but still came out with this shit.

If he's like this now, he will be much worse once you've had a baby and more vulnerable.

KC225 · 11/09/2018 10:24

The comment itself 'no' as I would have assumed it was joke but the discussion afterwards would leave a bad after taste - no pun intended.

vanillapieandicecream · 11/09/2018 10:25

I think dumping him over this, if you are happy in every other respect is a bit OTT. You can influence him by just being yourself around and he could start to consider his opinions about traditional stereotypes. Change can be slow, but change often brings progress.

But FFS. Learn to cook. Regardless of gender, it's a rather important life skill.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 11/09/2018 10:25

He's a sexist twat and not even an accurate one. LOTS of men are good cooks. In fact that culinary industry has substantially more men than women. My parents, and DH & I and my DIL's take cooking in turns. I am actually a better cook then DH, but that's because my ex fiancée taught me to cook and he was phenomenal (only thing I miss about him).

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/09/2018 10:26

The 'any man is better than no man' brigade are out in force today.

Of course you can dump him - there's zillions of men out there. Why settle for a dud?

UpstartCrow · 11/09/2018 10:28

Why would you try to educate a man when its more likely he just agrees just to keep the peace? People who believe in equality may have to have inequality pointed out when it doesn't affect them, but they don't need convincing.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/09/2018 10:30

you are by far more likely to be the one at home doing the cooking for them.

Really??

Oh come on, trawl MN and you'll know statistically she has a point. She said will not should.

OP if you thought this was otherwise getting serious (you don't say how you feel about him) then next time you see him say to him it's his turn to cook, he can consider it training for being a good husband!

If he laughs and sauys yeah fair play, I'll try then I'd stay. If he says no, you have vaginas, you cook, I have penis, I eat then I'd tell him you aren't sure you're compatible long term if he expects you to come eith 1950's gender stereotypes and see what his response is

Peace425 · 11/09/2018 10:34

It depends what you want for you I your life. He wants a wife who will do the majority (or all?) of the cooking. You are unlikely to change this view - he is unlikely to suddenly decide he wants to cook, and if he did, perhaps he would resent it.

If you don't want that role, then I'd say you will just be bumping heads over it in the future, or resenting it.

I experienced both when I had relationships - I was with someone who wanted me to cook everything, then I tried being with someone who cooked all the food. I preferred being the cook! Now I'm the cook in our house.

It's a matter of finding someone who shares your views, for a happy relationship.

Wispaismyfave · 11/09/2018 10:35

I can't cook. My husband says I'm a bad wife and that I'd starve if he didn't cook (I probably would)! He is of course joking. I often say he got the short straw choosing me, he did in the domestic tasks department (I don't iron either!).

I just find it funny though as it's true, I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist.

You probably should dump him and let him find someone with a sense of humour.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 11/09/2018 10:35

I don't know if I would finish the relationship immediately based on this, but I would certainly be on my guard that he might not be "the one".

longwayoff · 11/09/2018 10:38

'He usually agrees with me but this time . . .' LTB immediately. A man with an independent thought! Whatever next?

Aus84 · 11/09/2018 10:38

Totally agree with Sleeping. If you like him and saw the relationship going somewhere before the comment, test the waters to see if he was actually serious or if it was just a bit of playful banter.

Original poster

MsALB · 11/09/2018 10:40

Wispaismyfave - but i thought he was joking, then clealry made it obvious he wasnt

longwayoff - i clearly said on feminist views. bit like saying an independent view on racism being okay is just an 'independent view'

OP posts:

PellyBay · 11/09/2018 10:42

Definitely a red flag. Depends on whether he's like this across the board.

For the record, my DH does 95% of the cooking in our house. Not because I can't, but because he really enjoys it and I do about 70% of all the other housework/childcare chores. We both work, and we're both most relaxed with this arrangement.

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