aibu to break up with someone over 1 comment?

[MsALB]

i have been with my boyfriend for 4 months, we do not live together. we do stay at each others a lot but we usually order food in or do something from the freezer, i had a go at cooking a meal and it was pretty awful haha and he said "you would be a bad wife if you cant cook" and i assumed he was joking (he knows i am a feminist and might say something like that as a laugh but then will clearly be joking) so i was like oh i guess youre kidding and he seriously went well you would need to be a bit better than you are and i was like why and he said well to feed the children and i said well you could get better too and he comes back with well if youre being honest, is your mum or dad a better cook? and it just really got to me from that bit tbh. i dont know if it seems silly to be completely put off by someone from that 1 comment, but i really am.

Posters who moved in with someone they’d only known a few months - you took a huge gamble and it worked out. Yay! But it often doesn’t. That tired cynicism works both ways, you know!

For every one of me there is my DSis, who cannot and will not put up with any 'behaviour' she does not like - and so lives alone. She has moments when she deeply regrets her inability to compromise. At 50 she is no longer so happy to be single and free to do as she chooses.

Everyone makes choices. Belittling any of them doesn't help anyone. Supporting people when they want to unmake one? Well, that is helpful!

Men can appear to be all for equal rights, but that doesn't apply to inside their relationship.

He wants a Partner that will do the grunt work, because they have a vagina.

If you don't want that role, you need to spell it out to him.

If you live together, don't give up your place until he is doing his equal share and showing that he cares for you, by being willing to do your share, when you are ill.

Certainly don't have children with him, until this has been happening for a few years. Otherwise you will be starting a thread on here wondering why you are completely exhausted and at breaking point, whilst his life hasn't changed.

people implying it's just desperation to hook a man are rude and ridiculous True! We were kids, I was 19, it was cheaper to rent together than separately and we got a whole house, not just a bedsit - OK, we got a share of a whole house. No kids, no baggage, just cheap and fun.

Who has said that?

@lifetothefull

OK, so he's being sexist, but why does the skill of cooking get looked down on because it is traditionally done by women? You don't have to live a life of takeaways and rubbish freezer food just to prove a point.

I never said anything of the sort. I never looked down on the 'skill' of cooking - nor did I say women who live on ready meals, takeaways, and sandwiches, and salads are doing to 'prove a point.' Quit making stuff up!

Many women who live on ready meals, takeaways, sandwiches, and salads, are doing it because they WANT to, and don't want to spend time cooking. WHY do they have to learn to cook 'properly?' So they look after their man, and their children??? Coz GOD FORBID the MAN learns to cook properly, and cooks for the family. That's woman's work right?

Do bore off dear.

.

A lot of people are talking about being a housewife who does all the cooking after having children, as if it's a bad thing on here. A lot of women choose to do that, and are happy with it.

The issue should be that OP obviously does not want that. I'm assuming she wants work, raising kids, and the cooking to be 50/50 input. If that's her life choice, then she needs to find a man with the same view as her.

Some couples are BOTH very happy with the cooking being done by a housewife after kids (don't forget, we are only talking about cooking here, not all of the house jobs). I know loads of relationships where both partners wanted it. Her BF needs to go and find someone who wants it too.

They just want different things.

@Peace425

Yeah you're right, and no-one has said any different.

A lot of people are talking about being a housewife who does all the cooking after having children, as if it's a bad thing on here. A lot of women choose to do that, and are happy with it.

The issue should be that OP obviously does not want that.

That's actually not the issue.

The issue is that he's told her his expectations without even asking for her opinion.

There are lots of other things that could fit into his last comment.

"if youre being honest, did your mum or dad change more nappies?"
"if youre being honest, is your mum or dad the higher earner?

Let alone not changing himself, he's not even interested in being different to the last generation.

I always think everyone deserves a chance to change, so I'd explain to him your feelings and see how he reacts. Sometimes, though, it takes the pain of rejection to force a change - and then the next woman benefits.

My dad cooks now, but he refused to even try before my mother left him. Maybe the only way this guy will learn is if he's left on his own to think about it.

No-one is saying that choosing to be a housewife / homemaker etc is a bad choice. They're agreeing that it is a choice. That it's not a woman's lot by default, or to satisfy someone else's expectations.

I'd tell him you need some time apart and tell him very clearly why. His reaction to that may prove very telling.