Mother and baby parking

[crispysausagerolls]

Went to the supermarket today with my baby and really could’ve used the mother and baby space to get my car seat in and out etc (especially hard as I have a 2 door car). Just as I arrived a woman without a baby pulled into the mother and baby spot, without a baby. My mother asked her what she was doing and she said she was waiting for a child. 2 mins later a middle aged woman came out of the supermarket and got into the car and she started to drive off. So she had lied. I said thanks to her in a sarcastic way as i was struggling to get my baby out in a tight space (very passive aggressive of me I know but DS hates the car and had been screaming and I was so irritated by not having the space) and she started spouting off about being heavily pregnant and blah blah blah. Which was all completely irrevelant (if even true) because she didn’t get out of the bloody car anyway!

AIBU to think the mother and baby space isn’t somewhere to just wait for a mate to come and join you in the car? People genuinely need the extra space provided by them!

Amazing how many having a go at the op for asking a question that have potty mouths themselves

you entirely miss the point. Unless you are police or paid parking enforcement, don't question other people on their parking.
That is unrelated entirely to whether other people swear or not.

The shit a lot of people have to face just to get out the house sometimes someone’s nosey comment is what tips them over the edge.

I tend to just ignore people who think that they have the right to tell me where I can and can’t park but I can understand why some would be tempted to tell people to do one!

Claw that is what I was trying (and failing) to say pages ago!
Asking people why they are using those facilities can be upsetting and embarrassing for the person being questioned. Asking them if you may use the facility as you are in need allows them the chance to say "unfortunately I need this too" or "oh, sorry, here you go".

@TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2

Do you think it's ok to tell people the come from a shit hole?

All the person would have to say is “it’s not your business” or “I don’t want to explain”. They don’t need to disclose their reasons but I would still want to ask if I really needed the seat.

Not sure what world you live in. I have a hidden disability and require these seats on buses. If you confronted me and asked me why I needed to sit there I certainly wouldn’t tell you why and I certainly wouldn’t smile politely and drone on about how it’s personal and I’d rather not tell you. The conversation would be you asking if I needed the seat, I would say yes, you would ask why, I would tell you to fuck right off. You may want to consider this before approaching people on buses.

@TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2

"Maybe in whatever shit hole she lives in that may be true, however normal people don't think like that. "

I live in the countryside, in an AONB.

I don't think that anyone around here would respond to a polite question with "fuck off".

Maybe in the shit hole that you live in..

"Why can’t people just have a reasonable dialogue?"

The other person doesn't want a dialogue with you.

"no, its because they seem to think its normal to get punched in the face while out and about. Do you?"

Why do you think that it's normal to tell people to fuck off in this situation? It's not.

Why do you think that it's ok to escalate a situation, but expect that others won't do the same?

I wouldn't, but others might.

Actually harassing me might get you a punch in the face if you distress my son enough.

Lyndor my son would find why do you need question very confusing and confrontational! Very open and intrusive question!

He wouldn’t know how to explain! My son is 14, I’m hoping he will be able to travel independently at some point. Not so sure after this thread and many like them!

@Sleepyblueocean

"Actually harassing me might get you a punch in the face if you distress my son enough"

So a stranger asking you a question would distress your son, but the sight of you fighting wouldn't? Or is it ok to distress him, so long as it's you that does it?

It wouldn't be me doing the punching.

Oh come on people no one is telling anyone to fuck off or punching anyone! Just expression used to how frustrating it is, for people with disabilities to be questioned about their needs!

If you asked him if he needed to be there, his anxiety would cripple him, he would feel judged and probably get off the bus. Get lost etc.

Yes, it’s all very simple for people who ask this but they have no idea.

I have one child who has days where their disability is obvious and days where it is ‘hidden’. They love nothing more than to sit in normal seats on the bus if they can, it makes them feel normal. Sometimes even when they look ‘normal’ but are not going too well and they know their limitations they will sit in the disabled seat on the bus and I will stand next to them if possible. If someone asked them to get up they would. If they had to stand it would not be long until they collapsed but being young, not wanting to be ‘disabled’, not feeling confident enough to deal with others in this respect etc they would simply give up the seat. Luckily they only go on buses when I am with them. As I am old, jaded and give no shits I am happy to step straight in with no they can’t, fuck off with the last part in anticipation of the self-serving obligatory question ‘why not’ because experience has told me its coming.

Claw it can be awful and it certainly feels like a challenge of an interrogation when you are the one being questioned.

Why are you using the disabled toilets?

Why are you sitting in the priority seats?

Why are you parking in the P&C spaces?

You're forcing someone to disclose something they may not feel comfortable sharing.

Much better way of phrasing it would be

May I please use the parent and child parking space for my DC and I?

May I please use the accessible toilet as I am unable to use those ones?

May I please have this priority seat?

OP - I haven't read the thread as I know how it will have gone.
You will have been told yabu because p&p spaces are a privilege not a right and that you should park further away where there is plenty of space and park next to an empty one.
You will have been told that countless other parents managed perfectly fine without p&p parking and how many many people choose not to even bother parking in them.

As a mum of twins going to the supermarket was stressful enough without the added worry of being able to actually get them out of the car. So top tips:

1. don't count on parking next to an empty space. Many times I came back to find someone parked next to me and had to squeeze the car seat though the tiniest of gaps trying not to scratch the other car with my door. More than once this has actually been impossible and I've had to wait for the other car to move.
2. try to find an end space if no p&p available, park really close to the edge with the car seat on that side 3)take someone with you if going at a time spaces are usually all busy or if there simply isn't p&p parking where you're going. They can wait with baby while you get the car out the space to give you more room.
3. try going at school drop off or pick up time. I tend to find more free spaces then.

Sympathies OP. It really sucks that because it's not illegal people think that making a parents life harder doesn't matter. No parents have no 'rights' to the space, but it would just be kind not to use the space unless you really need to.

Should add child is an older teen, not a 5yo but still not confident to deal with people who seem to think they have the right to question others.

Hoping hopefully this thread might give people an idea! Doubtful, I know! Some just seem to want to start an argument!

Wouldn’t it be lovely if just one person came back on this thread and said I’m actually taking on board what is being said and I will try to be more mindful

*You're forcing someone to disclose something they may not feel comfortable sharing.

Much better way of phrasing it would be

May I please use the parent and child parking space for my DC and I?

May I please use the accessible toilet as I am unable to use those ones?

May I please have this priority seat?*

The problem with this is that if you say no people don’t just leave it at that and move on they keep going as though they are owed information. I find it very odd. If my child is in a disabled seat and I am standing next to them as the other disabled seats are already taken (obviously I try and get one too) or I have not been able to get a normal seat close enough to them so that I can keep an eye on what’s going on and someone asks them to move they have no concept that there is a queue in this regard. If my child didn’t need it and I was standing (this is the better option out of the two of us) then I’d bloody well take the seat before the random. Plus there are probably another one or two people who may have gotten on and could use the disabled seats and had to move on as the seats are full. So very presumptious anyway. Luckily people nearby in normal seats generally see I’m struggling to stand and falling everywhere and offer a seat. I think if they are offering then even if they have needs they are judging mine are greater or wouldn’t offer do I gratefully accept. Not sure about your buses as it was never something I needed to use years ago when I was there but ours really need more disabled seats, there are never enough.

Something my son wrote. I have his permission to share. Hopefully it will help some understand, it’s not just as simple as questioning someone why they need x, y, z. To you it’s just a question, to someone with a disability it can be overwhelming and the deciding factor if they can face leaving the house that day.

“Autism isn't exactly something you notice or realise until you hear the symptoms of it, and compare them to yourself or others.

Sometimes I feel like I'm incapable or useless because of the things I do. I behave in different ways depending on my emotions.

I find being social very difficult. Talking to people just overcomes me with emotions. I cannot think quickly enough, especially in crowded places.

Public transport is something I find intense. Not knowing who you're going to sit next to, crowded areas, ridiculous noise and the fear of someone watching or judging me. I’m trying my best to act ‘normally’. Remember the rules, sit up straight, remember please and thank you, don’t twitch, eye contact, not too long, that’s staring etc.

I find it difficult trying to understand others emotions and actions. If someone is sad I find it extremely hard to figure out why and help. My understanding of situations is very poor as is my understanding of emotions. That's why I hate being told off, confrontation, as I don't understand why usually and I have to try and figure out why. I need time to think.

Sometimes, I take things too literally. I let jokes and explanations fly over my head. It's confusing, trying to comprehend a large amount of information at once. I hate not understanding something, as I end up feeling stupid”

Be kind, assume someone may have an hidden disability, as oppose to not.

Oh, lots of folk suffer with things at different points in their lives.

Deaths of loved ones, autism, social anxiety, depression, illness etc etc.

Doesn't mean we need to stop questioning seemingly selfish behaviour. Or the oiks of life will be creating anarchy.

There will always be those who hate injustice enough to speak out, whether it's queue jumping, parking where you shouldn't or mugging an old lady. You can bet your bottom dollar the kind of people who say something at the seemingly smaller things like the p and c issue will be the ones stepping in if there's say, a serious altercation, where others will carry on walking. And we need those types of people.

Otherwise, where do you draw the line at letting others get away with selfish behaviour?

I can actually see both sides of the argument--the real problem is the lazy arses who act how they want with no thought of others. No reasonable person is saying a heavily pregnant lady or someone who's just had an operation etc can't use the spaces.

I'd have no problem with someone asking me to prove my badge was mine. If a badge belongs to you and you're using it properly why wouldn't you?

However, I do believe that a lot of people do use badges that don't belong to them just for their own convenience. A common example that I hear regularly is that a badge owner can't get theirs back from adult children who borrowed them when taking the badge owner out, then never giving them back.

If it was acceptable for normal people or other badge holders to request a quick look on the back of badge to check the owner, it might stop abuse.

The only place this would fail would be if the driver had dropped the owner off before parking (lucky them as I've never been able to use a drop-off point due to people sitting in their cars, waiting while someone does the shopping!). A quick call from person parking to badge owner could sort that out, though. If it seems dodgy, there should be a number on the signs to call that would bring someone out from the store to sort it.

A genuine person would never refuse (or at least I wouldn't, nor would any other badge holders I know personally).

P&C spots are a different matter. If it's clear there's a child young enough to need a pushchair or one that has special needs (most IN MY EXPERIENCE have a blue badge - though I imagine there are a few that may not have one, in which case a polite explanation if challenged politely) shouldn't have a problem parking there.

The last thing I would ever do is aggressively challenge someone. I'm pretty vulnerable due to my disability, but wouldn't want to endanger a companion either. I was horrified a few years ago to read of a local man killed by a punch from a man he'd challenged.

Selfish, inconsiderate wankers, though... well, what can you do? Unfortunately, there seems to be an awful lot of them out there.

Autism is life long! Not just something you suffer with from time to time!

I give up!

Ffs blue badge misuse is rare.

Autism is continuous, not something that comes and goes from time to time. It is a lifelong neurological condition and you cannot recover from it like an illness or learn to process through it like grief. I think you need to educate yourself.