To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

[Woolythoughts]

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

The equivalent question would have been sitting next to them.

But, no, I wouldn't watch certain types of content with a child next to me, particularly if I became aware they were looking at it.
But, then, I'm one of those people who engage with children and like them.

Leaving aside how the mother should have dealt with the situation, I think it's pretty disgusting to want to watch sex scenes while sat next to a child. I mean really? Surely you should have realised that yourself and skipped past inappropriate scenes.

Would the OP be being unreasonable if they’d been sitting in an airline type seat and a mother of a child in the seat behind asked her to not watch that programme because her child was looking at it?

Exactly! I catch up on films when on longhaul journeys and I find it impossible to sleep on flights so can often watch several films on one flight. Many of these are definitely adult viewing. Hell, even catching up on Vikings there are some racy moments.

@LeftRightCentre
Tablet wasn't in her lap. It was propped on the table. Which I assume makes it easier for the person next to her to see it then if it was on her lap.

I think you were wrong to expose a small child to a show with potential sex and violence. Shame on you. I don't believe the candy crush thing even happened. I think you've made that up just to take the heat off you and make her look unreasonable.

I’m on your side op. I cannot stand entitled parents on trains!

Also there’s a difference between watching a tv show with occasional mature scenes and full on pornography/gore film. Some of you are absolutely overreacting - it’s no one else’s responsibility to parent your kids but your own.

This is SO going on o be in the DM, probs Loose Women and possibly the Sun.

There are people on this thread who believe that - in all things probably - 'I've got my rights and that's that!' and are fairly obviously clueless about what constitutes basic appropriate behaviour in public.

'Their rights' are more important than anything else and evidently leads to them being tone-deaf about whether or not they're being really, really socially inappropriate.

LoniceraJaponica, you've made some great points throughout.

FFS, it's homeland not pornography.

The kid couldn't hear any of it, the sex scenes are not hugely graphic, you don't see genitals. I mean what are the chances of one of the more distressing scenes happening at the exactly time the child was snooping a look.

I am genuinely baffled at how many posters believe the the world should revolve around them and their offspring and how everyone should moderate their behaviour to their chosen standards at any given time.

I am genuinely baffled at how many posters believe the the world should revolve around them and their offspring

Thats helpful. It's a specific incident. I don't see anyone saying anything like that.

Is it OK to read Cosmopolitan on the train when there is usually a big headline for an article about sex on the cover?

I watch some questionable movies on trains and buses with my earphones on. But I also usually sit at the back of the bus and nobody has bothered me about it. If the parent had a problem with it why couldn't she just switch seats with her child? The candy crush one is just ridiculous!

Gees, I'm just thinking back to some of the films I've watched on long haul flights whilst sat in the aisle seat that anyone sat behind me could see - The Wolf of Wall Street, American Hustle, The Danish Girl, 12 Years a Slave, and on and on. Had headphones on.

"I’m on your side op. I cannot stand entitled parents on trains!"

The other side of the coin is that the OP is being entitled.

Thank you SheGotBetteDavisEyes
Having travelled frequently on trains and less frequently on planes I think there are some people who just shouldn't be allowed on public transport. We all need to be considerate of each other, whether it is watching adult content on iPads next to a child who can see it, getting drunk, reclining seats, being loud, not wearing headphones, not keeping small children under control or whatever. We just need to be mindful of other passengers.

However, you should refrain from watching violent or explicit content on screens in public places unless you have got a seating/screen arrangement where you can be 100% sure nobody is going to see the screen. It's not a question of "people shouldn't look, then"--if a man was looking at porn (for example) I would have a problem with that. It's inappropriate behavior.

Agree with this 100%

Dh commutes every day and watches masses of mainstream popular box sets. He says that every so often there is a dubious scene and he's grappling with the iPad trying to turn it away etc as it looks awful to one's seat companion.

He was thinking about patenting a sort of hood to be worn by passengers which extended over the iPad so you could view your series in privacy. I said this was a terrible idea as he'd look like a complete pervert!

I agree about Cosmopolitan etc too. I was once reading How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran on a plane. The man next to me was practically reading along with me, and when I'd finished the book said he was going to get it for his wife!

Is Homeland really that bad? I only ever watched a few episodes. If it was Game of Thrones I could understand the complaint.

I don't think OP was in the wrong (I may have tipped the screen or turned it even more for the racy scenes but probably not for a bit of violence). Maybe be a bit more cautious of what you view in public in the future, but it is the mother's job to protect her children from things out of their age range (swap seats) not the OP.

Is Homeland really that bad?

Yes, since Quinn left it's pretty stupid

If it was Game of Thrones I could understand the complaint.

That's actually got less fleshy after the first couple of seasons, IMO.

I also think it would be a good idea to have family friendly carriages, so that people with small children can all sit together, and people without can sit elsewhere.

Yes, and adults-only carriages. Excellent idea.

Then we just have to segregate the dogs from the dog-haters and we'll be sorted.

It's unbelievable that you'd think your right to watch sex scenes/violence trumps a 6 year olds right to not have to see it, a screen nearby would be almost impossible for him not to see. When you have children you might understand the upset this could cause someone. I wouldn't want my children exposed to things they can't understand at such a young age, so you YWBVVVU. If the mother couldn't have know what he was seeing as well until the boy commented, you were being vvv unreasonable again, because she had no way to protect him until it was too late.

However, if the mother could have simply moved then I think she was being unreasonable and the candy crush thing is ridiculous beyond words. If she could have rectified it, by moving her son away then she was the one being unreasonable.

The OP was watching a 12.9" IPad which was on the table. That's why the mother could see what was on the screen, even though she was sitting opposite. I think the OP was unreasonable, headphones or not.

Maybe be a bit more cautious of what you view in public in the future, but it is the mother's job to protect her children from things out of their age range (swap seats) not the OP.

But the mother wouldn't have known what OP was watching until her child mentioned what he had seen. It could have been anything.

Why on earth should anyone swap seats just to facilitate OP's viewing pleasure? OP paid for a train journey, not for a double seat in her own personal cinema.

I also think it would be a good idea to have family friendly carriages, so that people with small children can all sit together, and people without can sit elsewhere

Strikes me as a slightly dismal point of view, but there we go.

Although if there was a way to lump all the intolerant, selfish and socially clueless together, they could enjoy marvellous journeys en masse, all being completely tone-deaf to anything and anyone around them. Because of their rights, y'know.