Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset, neighbours from hell

134 replies

Dotheflossyfloss · 09/09/2018 09:09

We spent every penny we have on buying our first house. We put everything into it.
We are in a semi detached. Next door neighbours have respectable jobs, nice cars, nice things. Their family live two doors down from us too.
They are the rudest, vilest people I've ever met.
Dh came home from work to find someone parked on our drive. He went next door to ask if the car belonged to their guests. One of the guests came out huffing and puffing saying it's doing no harm, he can park where he likes. My dh said I just want to park on my fucking driveway. The man then threatened my dh in the street and said he was going to kick his head in.
Next minute 7 of them including the home owners come round to our house, booze in hand and call my dh names, threaten him and get in his face, hands were also laid on him.
I called the police and they came out and said it's probably best we leave it to avoid the backlash. They noted it on file.
The police soon changed their tune about them when they found out their job title and what cars they had.
They have had a complaint from the council because they have built a massive metal structure in their garden, raised decking and benches too which means our privacy is invaded. Everyone can see into our kitchen....so they are obviously angry.

The music went on to 12.30am and it was so so loud. We have a young daughter who was scared and couldn't sleep. Their disco lights flashed into our house.
I fucking hate them. They upset our daughter yesterday, she was so upset.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 09/09/2018 09:12

YANBU how awful. Did the police give you any other advice?

Cloudyapples · 09/09/2018 09:15

They shouldn’t have parked there but your husband swearing probs didn’t help keep the situation calm

Tara336 · 09/09/2018 09:17

It really is awful when you have neighbours like this. We have been in our home 18 months and have discovered we have a nightmare neighbour. We have also discovered she is well known in the neighbourhood for being an absolute cow. We are now keeping a diary/evidence of all the issues we have. It’s great the police have recorded. When people drink they behave out of character so hopefully you won’t have any more incidents and they may feel embarrassed this morning.

LynetteScavo · 09/09/2018 09:19

Was the raised decking already there when you bought the house...it's a bit confusing when this happened.

I think if you go swearing at your neighbours when you first meet them they are going to lose respect for you. Confused

Have you just moved in, or is it time to move out to somewhere with nicer neighbours?

Original poster
Dotheflossyfloss · 09/09/2018 09:21

@cloudyapples it probably didn't help but he was being sworn at and the man was aggressive. I think dh did a great job not to hit back to be honest. They were prodding his chest and in his face trying to get him to bite. He is so kind and a good person, he doesn't deserve this. They were calling him a weirdo.

OP posts:
Lepetitpiggy · 09/09/2018 09:24

The police soon changed their tune about them when they found out their job title and what cars they had.

I don't understand this bit

Original poster
Dotheflossyfloss · 09/09/2018 09:25

No they have just built the raised decking. We have been here a year but they have always ignored us. They also knocked up a fence without our permission. We were at work and came back to find a double slatted fence up. They helped themselves into our garden while we were at work.

I think dh understandably swore when some yob is refusing to move his car from his own driveway. He had been at work from 5.45 and got home at 4 and came back to that hassle. He asked politely initionally, he didn't go round guns blazing.

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 09/09/2018 09:25

Move. It's the only way.

StoorieHoose · 09/09/2018 09:28

Having had 2 sets of nightmare neighbours I can only advise that you just move. It won’t get any better it’s only going to get worse

ifcatscouldtalk · 09/09/2018 09:29

Having had horrendous neighbours in the past, I completely sympathise. I think you can buy some sort of retractable bollard for your driveway. This can be put up when you are out so they can't get on your drive (not that you should have to take such measures). May be worth looking into?

TheFaerieQueene · 09/09/2018 09:31

The problem with moving is that now you have called the police, you will have to declare this issue to the buyers.

sanssherif · 09/09/2018 09:32

Sorry. Move. Dont log any more incidents it will go against you.
You can explain the one off thing as being 'joint fault'.
This will not improve. Save save save. Then go.

ifcatscouldtalk · 09/09/2018 09:33

I see others have suggested to move. I did actually do this in the end. At the time I was renting and I didn't renew the contract. Are you in a position to move? I wouldn't find it so easy to do now. It's a nightmare situation.

ViscountTheVoraciousVampire · 09/09/2018 09:34

Your only viable solution is moving, they undoubtedly will carry on as they see fit.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 09/09/2018 09:35

You've got two options - move or learn to live with it.

If moving isn't an option then I'd recommend the following:

  1. Don't engage. This is really important - don't rise to them and don't respond or react. Google the 'grey rock' technique. They'll hopefully get bored and move on to someone else.
  2. Get some plants in along your boundary to screen you from their decking. Bamboo counts as a grass rather than a hedge and is therefore exempt from high hedge laws. Put phyllostachys in pots (it can be very invasive if you put it straight into the ground unless you line it with concrete slabs). It's evergreen bamboo, the canes are a variety of colours, it's pretty to look at and can grow up to 5m in height - so perfect for privacy. The benefit of having it in pots is that it's easy to move as well.
  3. Get locking gates for your driveway. If it's one of those where it's joined on to your neighbours, then get some very narrow troughs or planters and put them along the middle to demarcate the 'line'. You need to make sure these are on your side of the boundary (so you will lose a little parking space but make sure they are narrow to minimise this). You'll need to fix them down to make sure they can't be moved.
greendale17 · 09/09/2018 09:37

I think dh understandably swore when some yob is refusing to move his car from his own driveway. He had been at work from 5.45 and got home at 4 and came back to that hassle.

^I agree with you OP. Any normal person would have reacted the same way. Unfortunately the situation won’t be getting any better. Best bet is to move

Allergictoironing · 09/09/2018 09:38

Moving isn't always an option - moving house costs a fair bit of money & the OP said they spent every penny they had buying the house only a year ago. Estate agents fees, solicitors fees, removals fees etc soon mount up, I gather the average cost is around £8-9k by the time everything is accounted for if you both sell and buy.

Paddley · 09/09/2018 09:38

I'm another poster who doesn't understand the jobs and cars reference.

What are their job titles?

OnePotato2Potato · 09/09/2018 09:41

Sounds terrible. I havnt been in this situation myself but I agree with others, have no interaction with them whatsoever and starting saving and preparing to move. Don't let ut get you down though, just enjoy what you can in the present and keep in mind that you wont be there forever. Flowers

sticklegs · 09/09/2018 09:45

We had exactly the same issue with the driveway and swearing etc. and it went on for 5-6 years, with gaps of a few months in between. They bad mouthed us to all the neighbours as well and also said we were weird. The police did not help at all and as my husband lost his job we couldn’t move and get another mortgage. Eventually they moved away and I can honestly say it changed my life. Plan to move if you can, even the planning of it will make you feel a bit better.. ! 💐

Dollymixture22 · 09/09/2018 09:46

Move,. These people sound vile and will never change. It will probably get worse.

I had a very minor run in with a neighbour over the summer. I am still upset by it because she was so onpbviiuskg in the wrong and I don’t understand why she doesn’t see that. I have fantasies in which she’s suddenly understands she was totally wrong and is suitably embarrassed! But will never happen. If it escalates I a, putting the for sale sign up. Life is too short and people are too stupid🙄

LakieLady · 09/09/2018 09:46

If they do it again, I'd park right behind them and then go out. Ideally stay out overnight. But then I'm a vindictive old bat.

I am totally mystified by people who think it's ok to park in someone else's drive. None of my neighbours would do it. We have parking problems, ie not enough room for all the cars in the road, and occasionally a neighbour will knock and ask if it's ok if one of their guests blocks our drive for the evening. When we go on holiday we all offer each other use of our driveway till we get back.

I hope the council make them take their bloody decking down, too, they sound like a bunch of morons.

tierraJ · 09/09/2018 09:46

Ive had 2 neighbours park on my drive. It's extremely annoying & I did lose it at them.

Not sure what the answer is.

It's a bit different for me as im a woman living on my own so the men parking on my drive were both just patronising calling me 'love' even though I was so angry & they didn't threaten me luckily & moved their cars.
It hasn't happened recently.

Iscreamforbenandjerrys · 09/09/2018 09:47

Ditto unless we are talking panda cars and chief inspector.

WilburIsSomePig · 09/09/2018 09:47

Absolutely move. I know you shouldn't have to and I know it's crap that you can't live happily in your home, but seriously, it's the only way.

My sister had a truly horrendous time with their neighbours it was so awful and she was a wreck by the end of it. They spread so many lies and recruited other neighbours against them. They moved and have been so happy ever since.

I read somewhere that you have to declare any disputes with neighbours when you move, but perhaps someone can confirm if that's the case as I'm not sure. If that is the case, I would avoid all conflict, get your house on the market and get the hell away from them.