So upset, neighbours from hell

[Dotheflossyfloss]

We spent every penny we have on buying our first house. We put everything into it.
We are in a semi detached. Next door neighbours have respectable jobs, nice cars, nice things. Their family live two doors down from us too.
They are the rudest, vilest people I've ever met.
Dh came home from work to find someone parked on our drive. He went next door to ask if the car belonged to their guests. One of the guests came out huffing and puffing saying it's doing no harm, he can park where he likes. My dh said I just want to park on my fucking driveway. The man then threatened my dh in the street and said he was going to kick his head in.
Next minute 7 of them including the home owners come round to our house, booze in hand and call my dh names, threaten him and get in his face, hands were also laid on him.
I called the police and they came out and said it's probably best we leave it to avoid the backlash. They noted it on file.
The police soon changed their tune about them when they found out their job title and what cars they had.
They have had a complaint from the council because they have built a massive metal structure in their garden, raised decking and benches too which means our privacy is invaded. Everyone can see into our kitchen....so they are obviously angry.

The music went on to 12.30am and it was so so loud. We have a young daughter who was scared and couldn't sleep. Their disco lights flashed into our house.
I fucking hate them. They upset our daughter yesterday, she was so upset.

Agree with aprilshowers
As it's not feasible to kill them, rat them out.
They work in a public service so have a code of conduct which should 'spill over' into off duty time.
Grass them. I would.

My profound sympathies to everyone enduring horrible neighbours, I never really appreciated what it is like until it happened to me.

I can only echo what others have said, and start making plans to move. In my experience, nothing can change vile people.

I do not consider myself a violent woman but I wish real harm to my ex-neighbour.

in scotland it is actually legal to park in someone elses drive because of our tresspassing laws being virtually no excistent .the only reason i know this my uncle a police officer told us very strange but true. so if u in scotland thats why the police would not be interested its a civil matter not criminal

I totally agree with @ResistanceIsNecessary

If you engage, they will retaliate. And you'll have to report it when you do move.

A tip to overcome the noise is to have a fan. This creates white-noise, which can make things a bit better. And have blackout blinds/curtains for the windows.

Then start counting down the time until you can afford to move.

I have a neighbour a couple of doors away thankfully and she took umbrage at a very polite request I made 15 years ago. We have successfully ignored each other ever since. I look on it as mutually assured destruction - neither of us wants to move so we just live in our own bubble.

With your situation I would suggest you alone approach the woman and invite her for coffee. Preferably away from both your homes. Forget the past and work out a way to move forward. Tell her about the decking situation and tell her you would like to put bamboo to help de escalate the situation. Work out with her that the families will be cordial upon meeting but that's all.

@aprilanne it's more or less the same in England too. Trespass is a civil matter, so very hard to deal with. All you can do is to make it difficult to gain access e.g. gates, security lights, CCTV etc. The police will only be interested if they do damage or harrass you e.g. peeping through windows, scratch your car etc.

If the noise continues, speak to your local council environmental health department. Different levels of noise are legal at different times of day, getting successively quieter. Our council has a team of officers, accessed through police 101, who will come out to deal with the issues up till around 5am. They can verbally warn, written warn, write to landlords, impose fines and ultimately get ASBOs. The council even managed to get an ASBO to bar a continual offender from his own property for several months. I don't think ASBOs would go down terribly well with the fire service.

They said if anything like that happens again they will go in if we like it or not.
They said oh they have nice cars and of they are fire fighters they will be respectable people.

I don't get this.

1. the police WILL go and have a word with them if anything happens again, is that what they're saying?

2. if so, why are they dismissing you by saying they have nice cars and must be respectable?

3. did the police REALLY say that about them being respectable? If so I'd lodge a complaint. That beggars belief.

Problem with these situations is people don't change. Once an arsehole always an arsehole. If you go to the police, or their work or the council they will make your life hell. they aren't just going to go- 'Ah yes I see we have been inconsiderate wankers, we're so sorry and now we will change'. If you really think that the police didn't deal with it at the time because they were firemen, you could chase that up thought the police see this stuff all the time and know how it ramps up. Other than that keep your head down and plan your escape.

I lived in a terrace, the neighbour from hell was a GP and his wife. They were hideous and probably abusive to each other and possibly the kids. I moved away but I know his next door neighbours called the police a few times with their concerns. Fuck all done of course. I know one of the neighbours was extremely upset by it. She tried to talk to them but got an earful of abuse. She moved as well I think.

I had a horrendous neighbours once, they had nowhere to park (his house was on the corner, straight onto the street which was not wide enough to park a car in front) and they had a transporter van, an estate car and several friends with cars there daily. They’d play loud music as soon as they got home (between 5&6pm) until 1am ish (sometimes it would still be going when I left for work). I could hear their music clearly in every single room of my house (awful dance crap). They would also constantly park over my drive. The weekends were awful. I complained to them several times, they just ignored me. I kept a noise log and got Environmental services involved. After that I got a “punishment hour” where they’d deliberately play very loud music from 10pm to 11pm. Then they gradually started going back to how they were before. They still carried on parking over my drive.
In the end I got fucked off, borrowed some massive speakers and put them up against all the shared walls. I’d blast really loud classical music or cheesy 80s tunes at them and go out. I also got a disposable car and parked it like a twat taking up 2 spaces and started to park my car in front of my drive so they’d have nowhere to park outside my house.
They didn’t like it when I did it to them and all the other neighbours starting giving them more aggro as they were having to park all their cars somewhere else. After several months of this they moved. Neighbour now is lovely.

My neighbour from hell was a dentist

Agree with the ignore them comments. Obviously easier in some situations than others.

i guess youve figured out why the past sellers moved and why the house was empty for so long OP! [FLOWERS]

My neighbour from hell has a PHD and a posh job and an even posher car.

Doesn't stop him being a liar and a bully. He has caused me huge amounts of harm. I wonder how he manages not to bully at work.

I live on a mixed estate, the council tenants are lovely and the posh ones complete PITAs. Money doesn't equal consideration!

If they are in the fire service - contact their employer.

A friend rented her flat to a guy. Soon as he moved in he started making problems. He ended up emailing her to say I’m not paying rent and it will take you ages to evict.

She contacted his employer (merchant bank). He moved immediately.

Employers don’t like things that make them look bad and it may help reign them in a bit.

Do they have/need planning permission for the metal structure they have?
I would check with the council.
Call the police with any incidents or aggression.
And like a previous poster said, they work in a public service, so contact their employer about their conduct.

You need a shit hot lawyer.

I have awful neighbours too. A lot are Drs and Nurses. Right now one neighbour is at this moment mowing the garden with a very noisy lawnmower which is so bad it is vibrating the building. I have no idea why people want to cause a nuisance. I might have no option but to move. The worry is you could get even worse neighbours

Every time I read a thread like this I thank goodness that in all my 60 years I have never had bad neighbours like those described. It must be awful to feel like this in your own home. Move as soon as you can.

i dont know if moving is a good option. there is no guarantee that you will have good neighbours in the new place. even if there was they can move and bad ones can come. its just pure luck.

A long time ago I worked for the Fire Service as a temp (just cooking staff meals) was only there for a short while covering holiday leave but I got the impression that the most senior person at the station (Commander/CO? - forget what they are called?) would take a very dim view of their staff bringing the service into disrepute by behaving like this outside of work. So as pp have said might be an approach worth looking at - unless the nice cars means one of them IS the most senior person there! :( (All the firemen at the station where I worked were lovely by the way, at least while they were at work anyway).

It really boils my blood when people on here suggest you move, despite the fact you've done nothing wrong. Also, suggesting moving will make things better is very naive. You could move to a place where the neighbours are just as bad, or even worse!! What are you going to do - just KEEP ON MOVING every year? Until you find a neighbour you like/get on with? Seriously. Ain't nobody got the money and time for that! You could find your next neighbour is even worse!! Moving is NOT the answer!!! Staying is, and utilising some of the advice above regarding keeping notes of dates and contacting employer/s, is. Perhaps also with winter coming on, things will quieten down.

Salem I agree it’s unfair that the innocent party should move. But living next door to vile people takes its toll. It’s a long road of involving police and the council. Keeping logs of behaviour, feeling awful in your own home.

It’s not about winning or losing its about keeping your sanity and having a life. I would much rather move than spend years fighting with neighbours.

But you could move to a place with even worse neighbours. That is the point. You could take a gamble and lose. You don't even know that you could be risking it by moving next to someone even worse. And then what? Keep moving? It's just not feasible. Unless you know the new neighbours really really well before moving, ie are friends with them and have known them for years so hence decide to wait for a house next to your friends to be available, you're just taking a gamble and it could be for the worse. And then you are really stuck because you can't afford to move again. Then again. Then again.