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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset, neighbours from hell

134 replies

Dotheflossyfloss · 09/09/2018 09:09

We spent every penny we have on buying our first house. We put everything into it.
We are in a semi detached. Next door neighbours have respectable jobs, nice cars, nice things. Their family live two doors down from us too.
They are the rudest, vilest people I've ever met.
Dh came home from work to find someone parked on our drive. He went next door to ask if the car belonged to their guests. One of the guests came out huffing and puffing saying it's doing no harm, he can park where he likes. My dh said I just want to park on my fucking driveway. The man then threatened my dh in the street and said he was going to kick his head in.
Next minute 7 of them including the home owners come round to our house, booze in hand and call my dh names, threaten him and get in his face, hands were also laid on him.
I called the police and they came out and said it's probably best we leave it to avoid the backlash. They noted it on file.
The police soon changed their tune about them when they found out their job title and what cars they had.
They have had a complaint from the council because they have built a massive metal structure in their garden, raised decking and benches too which means our privacy is invaded. Everyone can see into our kitchen....so they are obviously angry.

The music went on to 12.30am and it was so so loud. We have a young daughter who was scared and couldn't sleep. Their disco lights flashed into our house.
I fucking hate them. They upset our daughter yesterday, she was so upset.

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 10/09/2018 08:36

I think you move in the extreme situation. The majority of people have good or ok neoghbours. The nuts are unusual.

My point is life is too short to life beside extremely unpleasant people,

However everyone is different. It would impact on my health. I have a stressful job. I need sleep and simply couldn’t cope with neighbours who party all the time and who are confrontational. If you could stay and put up with it that’s great. Maybe I am just too easily defeated😊

loveka · 10/09/2018 08:44

Salem, I agree with you. I have moved because of a neighbour. Our nearest neighbour is quarter of a mile away and plays very very loud music in his garden. But at least he doesn't threaten us ir try to tell us what we can do!

Unfortunately, the emotional impact of being bullied in this way is huge, and hard to forget. Our neighbour destroyed an 18 year old garden border as part of the rules of the party wall act. Then refused to put it back or reimburse us in any way. He laughed in my face and told me to take him to court. He was very clever. Although we would have won, even in cut and dried cases costs are not always fully awarded. 3 solicitors advised us not to bother, especially as taking a neighbour to court knocks thousands off a property value. It's a pretty big dispute. I have lost faith in our legal system on property matters.

Every time I looked at our butchered garden and his monstrous extension wall where my beautiful garden border had been I felt such anger and bitterness against this horrible man.

I had to go for my own sanity.

diamondcity1 · 10/09/2018 08:51

You DON'T have to declare calling the police out to a neighbour when you eventually sell. Just saying.
Also, if you have a dispute with your neighbour which is severely affecting you, move. Life is too short to make yourself ill over something pointless .

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 09:00

SalemBlackCat

The likelihood of moving somewhere with neighbours even worse than this is very low.

ciderhouserules · 10/09/2018 09:23

I think you do, Diamondcity. I'm sure it's part of the declaration.

My dp has a nightmare neighbour - he actually turns his TV up at 10pm, until about 1am, or 3am, or whenever he feels like it. He is a fucking 'vulnerable adult' - ie, fried his own brain with alcohol, so can't be moved (HA house, DP isn't). He is absolutely untouchable. He can be threatening, abusive, noisy, vile and violent. We've called the Police a few times on him, but their hands are tied too - they need a Social Worker with them if they talk to him.

The one the other side is even worse - he's been in prison for violation of the Law, and broken Housing Trust tenant regulations in doing so. When he came out, he went straight back into his HA house. Angry He is also an untouchable Vulnerable Adult (drugs, in his case)

I think the only option is to hope that they both die soon. They are both mid-late 50s, and I hope they've shortened their own vile lives significantly.

SheSparkles · 10/09/2018 09:33

If these people are with the fire service, then their employer will be very interested to hear about their behaviour as they are “bringing the service into disrepute. The fire service will take this as seriously as the police service do as fire fighters are under an obligation in their personal life to not bring the service into disrepute

BMW6 · 10/09/2018 09:45

Put up discreet CCTV so you can post on social media and name them and their occupation.

SkippingPages · 10/09/2018 18:01

I was told that you must disclose an ongoing dispute. If you called the police in the past, but the reason you called them is not a current problem, it's ok not to mention it, afaik.

Best advice is to do whatever you can (might need to eat humble pie, there is a time and place for that), to be on 'amicable terms', even if they were awful about the driveway. And that can just be 'good morning', going forward. Then if you do move, the disagreement is an unfortunate 'incident' or 'misunderstanding' that meant you didn't have a good start as neighbours, but is 'long since' resolved.

Michellelovesizzy · 10/09/2018 18:24

I had neighbours like this.... i bought a cheap shit but masive transit van and parked it over there way taxed and insured it they couldnt move there car 4 nearly 3 months it was removed in the end. my lot didnt have a drop curb onto the drive basicly they would just park on ther front garden or my drive way....

Rn1986 · 10/09/2018 18:37

My partner is a firefighter and I'm a nurse. We have to be very careful in our free time as are still expected to maintain the professionalism you would at work. Someone above said they emailed somebodies boss and that worked. If the fire service found out about their behaviour out of work, especially threatening of violence etc they could be sacked. That's how serious is is about their behaviour outside of work. Don't put up with it. We have cctv put up outside which cost us £300. Its brilliant for this sort of thing. If they could see you had cctv installed they would definately think twice about this behaviour as you'd then have it on film to send to the fire service, which would then be a definate sacking!! Sure they wouldnt risk that?!
Think you need to be more firm about the police too as that is disgraceful that they didn't at least go round. Keep a diary of everything they do and everyone you report to the police etc.
If you aren't happy with the way the police officers are handling it at the time, put in a complaint about them.

sanssherif · 10/09/2018 18:37

I have a total BASTARD living behind me. He tried to claim my land, then chopped down all my plants without consent. Then he leaned over into two different neighbours and chopped down so much of their huge pine trees that the council had to remove them as they were unbalanced.
My back garden is basically their house overlooking mine.
Then he did decking.
He's a fucking wanker.
I think anyone deliberately removing privacy and nature in this way should be put on a blacklist and moved to the ugliest greyest council estate in England. Then they don't have to look at trees or have any kind of niceness.

InvisibleLlama · 10/09/2018 18:42

Penguin bollards.

MrsWAP · 10/09/2018 18:48

We have been in a similar situation. Our neighbour started an affair with a man who seemed nice enough. She eventually kicked her husband out and moved new man in. After a few months new man started to become nasty, shouting abuse at the children (one of whom has SEN), letting our dogs out on to the main road, threw dog poo and eggs at our house....the list goes on! We recorded EVERYTHING in a diary, with dates & times and any CCTV we could find and eventually the police took it seriously. He was recently charged with harassment. OP, as hard as it is, don’t engage with them at all, even if they get up in your face/your husband face. Record everything. Log it with the police, every single time, even if it’s with your local PCSO. I’m so sorry that you too find yourself with nightmare neighbours, I absolutely empathise 😩

SherbrookeFosterer · 10/09/2018 19:01

The Environment Department of your local council has a lot of powers to deal with people like your neighbours. In some cases they can be as effective as the police.

Make sure you keep a record of offences and get in touch.

Yorkshiretolondon · 10/09/2018 19:05

Rent your own yobs and play them at their own game... they’re bullys .... bully back

Aaaahfuck · 10/09/2018 19:21

They sound awful and this is my worst fear as we're recent first time buyers. I've also had noisy neighbours and I totally understand how if effects your life. It's also the fear it's going to happen again.

The sound like twats but if moving isn't an option then I would lose face, go round and say you're sorry you seem to have hot off on the wrong foot. You shouldn't have to do that but actually a bit of smiling through gritted teeth and an a front to your pride is nothing compared to the hell noisy neighbours can cause.

Even massive twats do respond better to love bombing than swearing. Although they definitely deserved the swearing.

Gemini69 · 10/09/2018 19:39

the Police have failed in their Duty of Care in your complaint OP... Fight-fighters are bound by a Code of Conduct on and off duty...

www.cfoa.org.uk/21562

it's a fascinating read.....

good luck OP Flowers

Bunnyfuller · 10/09/2018 19:41

Ignore them completely and move. We stuck similar for 4 years then it took us almost a fecking year to sell.

Bizarrely the girl who bought our house is FB friends with the woman who targeted me. Maybe I’m the problem (I’m joking, she was nice to me initially! Until I asked politely if they could move their car so we could get in our drive!) we never swore at ours but it continued to get worse, move now.

Bunnyfuller · 10/09/2018 19:50

If it isn’t a criminal matter the police have failed nothing. Neighbourhood disputes are horrific in policing terms because everyone expects them to investigate/resolve it when no crimes have been committed. You could try for SEction 5 Public order if you film it with your phone with sound on, but you need to warn them they’re being recorded.

Enforcing Fire Service regs is not the police’s job.

Catsatrophe · 10/09/2018 19:54

I had revolting neighbours for 11 years. It wore me down and made me ill for a while. They even ostentatiously blanked my child in the mornings when we went out to the car - she was very ill with cancer and had lost all her hair. Hideous, nasty people. They spread stories about me. In the end I felt sorry for them. I was an easy target - lone parent with bald kid.

I ignored them back. We went about our lives, I got my daughter through her cancer then moved. There was literally nothing to declare on the sols forms about 'disputes with neighbours' - there had been no disputes. I lived under the wire and got on with it.

I live on a lovely street now. With super neighbours. If only I had lived here when my daughter was poorly. There are some savages in the world. I learned a lot.

In essence, don't involve police unless absolutely necessary (threats etc). Definitely try to find out if the people you bought from had disputes... I expect they did and this will make you feel better at least.

Savages don't change.

Put up lots of fairy lights and play Chris de Burgh. Quietly but enough to drive them out.

Gemini69 · 10/09/2018 20:08

go direct to the Fire Chief.. using the Code and raise a complaint... Flowers

MarvellousMonsters · 10/09/2018 21:11

As several others have said, if your neighbours are in the fire service they are governed by a code of conduct even in their personal time. Reporting their behaviour to their superiors would result in possible disciplinary action for them. You could possibly mention this to them, it might make them reconsider their actions.

To get evidence of their behaviour you could get a simple cctv camera, I have this one, it can record video with sound and you can log in and watch a live stream (and record) on your phone/tablet from anywhere. It's designed for indoor use but I have it mounted outside with a cover on it and it works perfectly.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0721DQ8NC/ref=cmswwrcppapi_DXSLBbPGMCSD4

howrudeforme · 10/09/2018 21:13

Fairy lights and Chris de Burgh! Catastrophe - fabulous

vanillapieandicecream · 10/09/2018 22:51

Oh I am so sorry. I had neighbours from hell when I was 21, in an apartment block. They were really scummy, lots of fighting in the corridor. They had a young baby who lived with them, and so I would often take the baby in while they were fighting (and smoking with the baby in their arms). Because of this, they somehow decided that we were friends and that they could call on me for favours.

I did eventually move, but only after one of their sons got out of jail and then chopped up his mums partner.

The remaining partner then (understandably) was exceptionally traumatized and drank very heavily, and tried to break into my apartment. Her reason for doing so, as she told the police as they were escorting her away, was that I was her pal.

I wasn't.

I moved 15 miles away and never went back to the area again.

ItLooksABitOff · 10/09/2018 23:47

another vote for "Report them to the fire service".

Fire with fire baby. ;)