So upset, neighbours from hell

[Dotheflossyfloss]

We spent every penny we have on buying our first house. We put everything into it.
We are in a semi detached. Next door neighbours have respectable jobs, nice cars, nice things. Their family live two doors down from us too.
They are the rudest, vilest people I've ever met.
Dh came home from work to find someone parked on our drive. He went next door to ask if the car belonged to their guests. One of the guests came out huffing and puffing saying it's doing no harm, he can park where he likes. My dh said I just want to park on my fucking driveway. The man then threatened my dh in the street and said he was going to kick his head in.
Next minute 7 of them including the home owners come round to our house, booze in hand and call my dh names, threaten him and get in his face, hands were also laid on him.
I called the police and they came out and said it's probably best we leave it to avoid the backlash. They noted it on file.
The police soon changed their tune about them when they found out their job title and what cars they had.
They have had a complaint from the council because they have built a massive metal structure in their garden, raised decking and benches too which means our privacy is invaded. Everyone can see into our kitchen....so they are obviously angry.

The music went on to 12.30am and it was so so loud. We have a young daughter who was scared and couldn't sleep. Their disco lights flashed into our house.
I fucking hate them. They upset our daughter yesterday, she was so upset.

Sorry OP - it's really nasty to have that sort of shit going on on your doorstep

They are fire fighters.
We can't move. We took out loans to have work done on this place and will be paying them for years.
We want to have a baby but the noise from babies room was horrendous with flashing lights coming through. How can I feel happy about bringing a baby into that.

It was a child's first birthday party. My dd even took round a gift earlier that day.

I really really sympathise. I went from 3 years living with bad neighbours (which felt like a decade); to 15 years living with fab neighbours (which feels like 5)

It may be worth investigating whether there are any previous incidents that should have been declared when you bought - there's a possible line of recourse against your sellers there (i.e. compensation which would help you move, because I agree that is about your only real solution)

Keep logging instances with the police. If you are concerned the police are turning a blind eye due to come sort of uniform loyalty make a complaint. These people are not above the law because they are fire fighters.

How do you know they are in the fire service? Have they brought it up?

It’s horrible I feel for you. However there’s not much you can actually do, these people won’t become nice. They also love to fight and are provocative. They are pushing you because they love the drama.

You have to move. Until you can, definitely do not engage. Bite your tongue. It’s way better than giving in, giving in is engaging in THEIR drama.

It depends how often the parties are. Wherever you live there will be occasional noise from parties. I had one down the road from me last night and could hear people in the street shouting and getting into taxis into the early hours.

The parking is a pain however. Now your husband has had it out with them they might not do it again?

Horrible situation though.

@Dotheflossyfloss

Are they driving range rovers and other fancy cars?

Don’t engage. Save and move when you can.

How often are the parties?

Get the house valued. It might be more financially feasible than you think. You shouldn’t have to change your plans for a family because of these nuts.

A small fananciao hit while infuriating would b well worth it to have these people out of your lives.

The police were willing to go round and have a word but advised the backlash from drunken guests would probably make things worse.
They said if anything like that happens again they will go in if we like it or not.
They said oh they have nice cars and of they are fire fighters they will be respectable people.
From moving in I've just found them utterly rude, selfish and ignorant.

You have my sympathies too. I have had some awful neighbours and know how much it can affect you. Detaching yourself emotionally from the house is your first step. I like the bamboo idea, taking some action can feel positive. Then make some plans about what you can do to move in future, even if it means renting out.
Do not log anything with the police (if that is even a thing), if you sell in future that will go against you.
Awful neighbours forced me to move and it was actually for the best in a few ways - better schools, bigger garden etc.

It’s awful, but try and think carefully to what’s happened before yesterday.

Have they had parties before?

As they are firemen it’s highly unlikely they’ll be able to party all night very often as they’ll be on shift.

12:30 isn’t that late for a one off even though it probably felt like it.

The metal structure sounds recent. Phone the council planning dept if it looks to be permanent.

Have I understood correctly that you’ve lived there for a year and this was an incident last night which was obviously very unpleasant but essentially a loud party and a drunken row about parking?

If so I would try to live alongside them and do as a pp suggests and grow bamboo in containers along your boundary to maintain privacy.

If they are persistently rude, aggressive and antisocial then a complaint to their superiors may produce results but would obviously mean war and as previously stated, you would have to declare this if you want to sell.

The fact that you sent a present round earlier in the day would indicate that you were at least cordial until yesterday? I’d try to focus on living alongside them with low contact.

They sound awful but it also sounds like the situation is making you lose some perspective. How often are the parties? You say this was a birthday party so am assuming it was a one off. Certainly would not stop me trying for a baby just because of flashing lights from one party and surely good blinds or curtains would sort that problem. Pp ideas re bamboo sound good to get some more privacy.

From moving in I've just found them utterly rude, selfish and ignorant.

Do you have any other examples? Just to help build a picture

They have parties fairly often through the summer, usually until about 1am. If the noise was inside it would be fine but they are all outside out bedroom windows.
The metal structure is basically a roof for their decking. I think this means more outdoor parties and more regular.
We have never got on. Always found them rude. They won't even say hello. I think when we moved here they didn't like that we stole a bit of their freedom. The house was empty for a good year before we came along.

I really do sympathise, having lived had ongoing neighbour issues for the last ten years, but if you really can't afford to move you have to try your best not to get into an arms race with these people. If they're as rude and aggressive as you say, you will never win because they won't care about being reasonable.

I had a neighbour once who liked to play ear-bleedingly loud techno music from about 1am until dawn. I could hammer on the door and he wouldn't even hear me. A couple of times I did call the police out of sheer desperation but he would just wait until they'd gone and then put the music back on even louder to spite me for getting him into trouble. He was a hateful individual.

This won't be what you want to hear, but is it too late to build bridges? If you were in a position to move I'd say do that, but you say you can't, so it seems that the best case scenario is that you at least get to a point where you can live with them as neighbours. Otherwise, what's your future going to look like?

@middleclassproblems

When we moved in they avoided eye contact and would never say morning etc. Can live with that though.

When we were singing for the house they decided to promptly chop down the hedge and replace with a fence, even though the hedge was ours.

There has been no communication with coming into our garden and putting up slats for the fence, just help themselves. We didn't know about the metal structure until it was up.
Parties into the wee hours outside our bedroom windows
Their guests and family parking on our driveway on a few occasions.

Just a thought, you say you’ve had loads of work done.

If the neighbours work shifts might it be they’re pissed a lot at noise from the work?

There are things you can do here to reclaim some feeling of control, but it needs to begin with getting a better sense of perspective.

It’s been a hot summer, lots of people have made more noise than usual.

Get the bamboo, get the drive bollard and get on the phone to council planning about the deck roof.

We have friends who've had substantial problems with families leasing a nearby property. Constant trespass, damage, harassment of various families. Retaliation for reports to the landlord or police.

So notorious and caught up in several large-scale activities that the police asked my friends if they could set up surveillance from their property but my friends declined on the grounds that so many prosecutions had failed previously that there was a good chance others would - and they knew it would be obvious where any surveillance footage had been taken from. (It's a rural area)

It's coming up for 15 years, and there are finally rumours that the landlord will not allow them to renew the lease.

Meanwhile, the cost in health, mental health and ultimately finances to everyone else roundabout is substantial. One family tried to stick it out and wouldn't take an offer that was £500,000.

It always seems like people can't afford to move but, over time, it's can save money, depending on how bad things get.

We haven't made any noise with the work. We had a bath put in. We got radiators put in which was noisy but they were always at work.
He always seems to have the weekends off.

If you can’t move then the next best thing is to try to calm things down.
The summer is almost over so likely to be few outside parties. If you see any of them, just nod or say “morning” and leave it at that. Sort some kind of security for your drive. As a pp said, if the decking roof is upsetting you, plant some bamboo. Get a blackout blind for your daughter’s room.

Send all your neighbours Xmas cards. Aim for a winter of no clashes. Hopefully it will calm down.

I might be wrong but we had problems with our neighbours and avoided involving the police as we were worried that it would effect us selling our house. Eventually we had to but the police said you dont need to declare it anymore. It was in a home buyers pack that they discontinued.
So you have to declare any boundary issues etc but not about personal disputes. So if they are aggressive to you again please just call the police.

Are you sure about that re not having to declare any disputes? I moved a year ago and received a seller’s property information form which asked the question about neighbours.