DSS turned 18 over the summer and after a bit of a worrying period of him not looking for any work and being a bit stuck in a rut drinking and smoking weed, I spoke to some friends of mine and helped him get a job with a friend's husband who is a builder. Initially labouring work at £250 per week but DSS is showing such promise and aptitude for the work that my friend said he's looking at giving him a payrise before Xmas. They can't praise him enough. The work is based near where we live so at present DSS spends the week with us and goes home to his DM at the weekend, with us giving him lifts to work, and sometimes his employer collecting him.
It's really made such a difference to DSS and he is enjoying getting up early and working hard, basically everything is great. Employer is quite flexible with days off, lets him go early on Fridays, pays for the odd lunch and uber home. DSS feels he's really fallen on his feet.
At present DH is still paying maintenance of £350 ish per month via CMS direct pay (they have always preferred to go via CMS as the figures come from HMRC so no quibble when DH gets a small payrise each year). This was because DSS left college in July and had no job, at first we thought he might want to go back to college for another year but then this job came up.
DH emailed his XP tentatively about who was going to let child benefit/CMS know that DSS is now earning and no longer in education.
It has caused quite an upset all round as XP will now lose quite a lot of money in child benefit, tax credits and maintenance, she says she will be down by £800 per month and her job is in a precarious position as it is (she works 16 hrs for a high street retailer in difficulty so that's a fair point).
DH is being put under a lot of pressure to not tell CMS that DSS is earning so that it doesn't flag up with child benefit/tax credits.
He has offered to keep paying the £350 via a private agreement for 6 months as a bit of leeway but XP says she will be bankrupt if that's all she gets. DSS has offered her some money for keep but he said £80 per week was the max he would pay as he is only there for 2 days a week and often eats out with his girlfriend for one of those days.
DSS is swinging emotionally like a pendulum, one minute saying he will give up his job and enroll in college to save his mum's benefits, one minute he is begging me to talk DH into keeping quiet so he can keep his job, and saying its all thanks to me that he even has the job etc. Then he goes to the other extreme and says that his mum has just got back from a holiday with her boyfriend and straight away booked another so she can't be that skint (although his DM says she deeply regrets booking the holidays now she knows DSS is not going back to college).
I am quite a people pleaser to a fault and feeling very bad about it, it feels a bit like we are pushing her into bankruptcy (it was my suggestion to continue paying the £350 for 6 months).
On the other hand DH really feels like he is enabling benefit fraud and it will bite us all on the arse later! Plus DSS has far more disposable income than us now so it feels wrong that she should claim for him.
It's got to the point where I even feel bad for helping him get the job in the first place even though I know it has been good for him.
There is also an older DSS (20) who moved out to live with a friend at 18 and he is part of the guilt trip, saying he will be forced to move back home if we leave his mum in the lurch.
Any advice, we feel quite rotten about it all!