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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that my ex's girlfriends are actually hired actresses?

92 replies

bitterex · 08/09/2018 11:46

I am divorced from my ex-H for a couple of years and we have two young children together. On paper he shares custody with me almost equally, in reality he travels the world and has contact with them on average once a quarter for a couple of hours - sometimes more, sometimes less.
Every time he sees them he brings a new girlfriend around. I am a bit stressed (we have a long history of custody litigation and the divorce itself was very hostile, so I am uneasy around him), but try to be nice and have a pleasant chat. Today was "the day", and another new lady came with him to collect the children. She seemed nice enough, but what puzzles me is that the following scenario repeats over and over, with minor variations.
All of them are much younger than him (like 20 - 25 years younger), model-league attractive, successful, seem to be very much in love with him (I'd say even theatrically in love, but then I am the bitter ex), and he proudly introduces them as "Meet X/Y/Z, the one and only love of my life". With the current girlfriend, they've been together for three weeks, met on a holiday in August, and she said, giggling nervously, that "they are trying to start a family", and that she would love to be a stepmother to my "gorgeous" children (whom she's seen for the first time today for 10 minutes so far).

I am not jealous of my ex (well, I am very, very jealous of his lifestyle but not his relationships). I've seen four girlfriends (four and a half, if a skype session with another one can be counted as "half"), and the next time I mention their name casually in a month or two during our regular call (e.g. "how's X's sick dog / Was Y's art exhibition a success / etc") he seems to be lost as to whom I am speaking about.
I described number four above. Number three was with him for a couple of weeks, they met through work, clicked together and were already planning a wedding. Number two was asking for my advice on what to get his family / extended family for Christmas (and they could not have been together for more than three weeks at that point, as number one was introduced to me exactly three weeks prior). Number two accompanied ex on the next visit (after Christmas) as well, brought expensive presents for DCs, and that's it - I've never heard about her since. Wanted to send her a thank you card next week, and was told by ex to forget about it, she's no longer in the picture.

AIBU to think they could be hired actresses (but what could be the motive?) Or is there an endless supply of gorgeous gullible young women somewhere, ready to start a family with / marry a man they've just met? My ex is not a celebrity, and not wealthy (relatively well-off though), uber-attractive or famous. Or am I actually jealous and need to get a life myself?

OP posts:
Miladymilord · 08/09/2018 11:48

OP I'd be thinking exactly the same! You sound very patient!

UpstartCrow · 08/09/2018 11:52

Get a photo of the happy couple, every time. It will make a lovely keepsake album for him at Christmas!

HavelockVetinari · 08/09/2018 11:54

Sounds plausible! What a bell-end, he sounds incredibly desperate.

Dairymilkmuncher · 08/09/2018 11:54

That would be so funny but very tragic if he was hiring these women Blush

His lifestyle sounds rubbish by the way if he can't watch his kids grow up or hold down a relationship for two minutes there really isn't anything to be envious of

RosiesYellowDress · 08/09/2018 11:56

Your playing this wrong, you are not meant to like them and get attached, it’s probably messing with your ex’s head!

I actually feel embarrassed for no.4 that she talking like that already, that I agree it can only be some paid ott theatrical actress.

How old are your kids? As on serious note I’d be concerned about the introduction of some random string of strangers around them

makingmammaries · 08/09/2018 12:02

Are they in need of à British passport? That was definitely the only thing a series of luscious babes wanted from my objectively unattractive ex.

abigailsnan · 08/09/2018 12:05

Can you not tell him to visit on his own and stop confusing your children with this vast array of partners it is not showing them a very stable life style on his part is it.

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:07

His lifestyle sounds rubbish by the way if he can't watch his kids grow up or hold down a relationship for two minutes there really isn't anything to be envious
Well, I know. I just feel sometimes that I have no life at all, not living in poverty but on a tight budget despite having a good job, zero help with childcare and celibate since the youngest was conceived Grin

How old are your kids? As on serious note I’d be concerned about the introduction of some random string of strangers around them
4 and 6. There is a court order as to the father having joint residence, and I tried to challenge it on the basis of non-compliance / sporadic contact, but the judge was inclined to see how it develops and not to make a new order.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 08/09/2018 12:08

Yes, take a photo, put it in a frame and put it on the mantelpiece when he comes. Don't get rid of the old ones though so that you have a collection of all of the women with him on the mantelpiece. And yes, I don't think they're his girlfriends at all.

PolkerrisBeach · 08/09/2018 12:09

Prostitutes perhaps?

Stopandlook · 08/09/2018 12:10

It’s the kind of thing my ex would do so YANBU

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:10

Are they in need of à British passport?
Ah, I am in need of a British passport myself Grin
They all, with the exception of one Lithuanian girl, seemed to be British / Irish.

OP posts:
Thehop · 08/09/2018 12:11

Definitely escorts

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:12

LOL at the photo album suggestion Grin I'll actually do it! When they come back today, I'll suggest a nice group photo as we are going to be one big happy family.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 08/09/2018 12:13

Fucking actresses, they are probably golddigger escorts.

MadisonMontgomery · 08/09/2018 12:14

Yeah tbh I would start messing with him - be super lovely to each of them, ask for their numbers and keep texting them Grin

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:15

Prostitutes perhaps?
I thought that is a little bit outside their normal service? They seem to be quite nice: pleasant, well spoken, educated, so I assumed actresses.

Or my ex is actually a rare diamond of a person and I fail to notice.

OP posts:
LuckyLuckyLuckyMe · 08/09/2018 12:16

Please do the group photo OP GrinGrin

On a more serious note I would be telling him not to introduce any new partners to the DC until he's been with them at lease 3 months.

SneakyGremlins · 08/09/2018 12:17

I'm not placemarking.

timeisnotaline · 08/09/2018 12:17

Do the photo, I love it. ‘You two just look so good together, it’s so nice to see ex happy. Hang on let me just take a snap. Smile!’ And repeat the next time Grin
You do have the patience of a saint though.

OliveBranchManager · 08/09/2018 12:17

I love the title of your thread!

Could have written it! My x is late forties, bit older than I am. I've just been raising our two children on a modest income for over a decade and yet a string of beautiful younger childfree women are by his side to validate him! He is a serial monogamist I think.

He likes me to know that he has beautiful younger girlfriends though, so it makes me laugh. I have also thought to myself, ''really, did he hire her''

CloudCaptain · 08/09/2018 12:19

Rather amusing as an uninterested bystander, however it is with him. Perhaps he's trying to make you jealous?

NoFucksImAQueen · 08/09/2018 12:21

how do you not laugh? id be struggling not to crack up each time with the ridiculousness of it. the photos idea is amazing

SockQueen · 08/09/2018 12:21

Sugar babies via "seeking arrangement" or similar?

CherryMaraschino · 08/09/2018 12:22

Escorts absolutely will provide this service. And many are pleasant and well-spoken and (sometimes very) well educated. So my money would be on that.

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