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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that my ex's girlfriends are actually hired actresses?

92 replies

bitterex · 08/09/2018 11:46

I am divorced from my ex-H for a couple of years and we have two young children together. On paper he shares custody with me almost equally, in reality he travels the world and has contact with them on average once a quarter for a couple of hours - sometimes more, sometimes less.
Every time he sees them he brings a new girlfriend around. I am a bit stressed (we have a long history of custody litigation and the divorce itself was very hostile, so I am uneasy around him), but try to be nice and have a pleasant chat. Today was "the day", and another new lady came with him to collect the children. She seemed nice enough, but what puzzles me is that the following scenario repeats over and over, with minor variations.
All of them are much younger than him (like 20 - 25 years younger), model-league attractive, successful, seem to be very much in love with him (I'd say even theatrically in love, but then I am the bitter ex), and he proudly introduces them as "Meet X/Y/Z, the one and only love of my life". With the current girlfriend, they've been together for three weeks, met on a holiday in August, and she said, giggling nervously, that "they are trying to start a family", and that she would love to be a stepmother to my "gorgeous" children (whom she's seen for the first time today for 10 minutes so far).

I am not jealous of my ex (well, I am very, very jealous of his lifestyle but not his relationships). I've seen four girlfriends (four and a half, if a skype session with another one can be counted as "half"), and the next time I mention their name casually in a month or two during our regular call (e.g. "how's X's sick dog / Was Y's art exhibition a success / etc") he seems to be lost as to whom I am speaking about.
I described number four above. Number three was with him for a couple of weeks, they met through work, clicked together and were already planning a wedding. Number two was asking for my advice on what to get his family / extended family for Christmas (and they could not have been together for more than three weeks at that point, as number one was introduced to me exactly three weeks prior). Number two accompanied ex on the next visit (after Christmas) as well, brought expensive presents for DCs, and that's it - I've never heard about her since. Wanted to send her a thank you card next week, and was told by ex to forget about it, she's no longer in the picture.

AIBU to think they could be hired actresses (but what could be the motive?) Or is there an endless supply of gorgeous gullible young women somewhere, ready to start a family with / marry a man they've just met? My ex is not a celebrity, and not wealthy (relatively well-off though), uber-attractive or famous. Or am I actually jealous and need to get a life myself?

OP posts:
RB68 · 08/09/2018 12:23

Sounds like they are Nannys to me - whether for him or the kids is debatable what a complete loser - and get yourself a better lawyer

AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/09/2018 12:24

On a serious note, I would be keeping a journal of the contact he does have with them and the women he brings. You might need it one day.

Next time he says ‘love of my life’ I don’t think I’d be able to resist saying ‘this week’ or ‘number 5’ or something...it’s ridiculous.

tempester28 · 08/09/2018 12:26

If he only sees them so little why does he always have a girlfriend with him? That would be my question

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:26

Could have written it! My x is late forties, bit older than I am. I've just been raising our two children on a modest income for over a decade and yet a string of beautiful younger childfree women are by his side to validate him! He is a serial monogamist I think
I'll be you in a couple of years Flowers. My ex is mid-40s and I am a couple years younger.

OP posts:
OliveBranchManager · 08/09/2018 12:27

They definitely feel a bit of a vacuum somewhere inside that they need you to know that they're dating somebody beautiful.

It's there way of saying you dumping me doesn't make me worth less than you cos loooooook.

OliveBranchManager · 08/09/2018 12:28

sorry, their way.

sonjadog · 08/09/2018 12:28

Probably escorts he is paying so that you will be super jealous. The fool.

OliveBranchManager · 08/09/2018 12:29

@bitterex, buckle in for another few years then! Wine

I know I'm fine though. I feel for those girls who don't have a good self-esteem. The bottom line for me is that knowing my x, I know that nobody with a healthy self-esteem would know him, love him and want him.

Worriesforanotherday · 08/09/2018 12:29

My sister had an exciting and interesting youth .. My grandpop, on being introduced to her latest conquest, shook his hand, looked at my sister and with a wink in his eye asked, "Should I bother learning this one's name?" Wink

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:30

Escorts absolutely will provide this service. And many are pleasant and well-spoken and (sometimes very) well educated. So my money would be on that.
Shock
You live and you learn indeed. I heard of belle de jour of course, but assumed she's a one off curiosity, and majority are... well... on the fringes of society.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 08/09/2018 12:31

When I read your title I thought surely not, but actually yes it sounds very plausible!

You can get very high end escorts who are educated and well travelled and do the girlfriend experience etc, so it’s possivle!

gottastopeatingchocolate · 08/09/2018 12:32

While I am enjoying the comments about photo albums and "one big happy family", there are two small children here who need to be protected.
I would worry if these women - who as you say could be being paid for their services or could just be new relationships - are saying things such as being a stepmother at first meeting in front of the children.
For the children's sake I would be asking him to have contact alone with his children. But maybe I am being harsh? It just doesn't seem right to the children to have a string of one off meetings of this nature.

AnyFucker · 08/09/2018 12:32

"Girlfriend experience" escorts

OliveBranchManager · 08/09/2018 12:32

so yeh, the are they actresses? Confused thing makes me laugh!

LuluBellaBlue · 08/09/2018 12:33

Completely irrelevant to your post OP but yes, I know 3 women that have all worked as escorts as some point in their life. All 3 are private well educated ‘naice’ Women!

Regarding the ex - I’d say he probably is paying them Confused

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:36

I would worry if these women - who as you say could be being paid for their services or could just be new relationships - are saying things such as being a stepmother at first meeting in front of the children.
You are absolutely right, of course. I do not have any energy (or money for that matter) to restart the custody / contact dispute without a rock solid case. I am collecting evidence and keeping a diary of all contact.
Thankfully the children did not seem to pay a lot of attention to what the grown ups were discussing. The oldest was fascinated by the flawless makeup / hair of the visitor (she's in the "princess" stage), and the youngest was just running around showing dad her toys / pictures / books.

OP posts:
RosiesYellowDress · 08/09/2018 12:36

The photo is great idea but if no children involved you could have fun with this.

If role was reversed you would be hauled over the coals for having string on men around your children.

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:38

I am probably jealous that my daughters liked them a lot (expensive gifts / very beautifuly / very friendly).

OP posts:
bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:40

"Girlfriend experience" escorts
I googled and it is actually a thing Shock

OP posts:
JustHereForThePooStories · 08/09/2018 12:42

Plenty of guillable women around.

Every time you meet a new one say “Hi Anna (or whatever the current one is named)! Lovely to see you again. Have you changed your hair since you and ex were last here in (previous month)?”

CherryMaraschino · 08/09/2018 12:44

Try to remember that they'll have been primed to behave that way by him.

He doesn't sound terribly nice OP. No matter how 'high class', escorts and sugar babies are often, in my experience at least, very vulnerable people. He's a bastard for booking them, in my view.

You have my sympathies, it can't be easy for you.

bitterex · 08/09/2018 12:44

“Hi Anna (or whatever the current one is named)! Lovely to see you again. Have you changed your hair since you and ex were last here in (previous month)?”
Grin
… "I see you've grown a couple of inches too!"

OP posts:
Isleepinahedgefund · 08/09/2018 12:50

I find the very notion of him going to the trouble of hiring actresses/escorts for this highly amusing, and based on what you said it seems a likely conclusion.

Definitely do the photos, then put them in an album and give it to him for Christmas from the kids 👹👹😈

OliveBranchManager · 08/09/2018 12:52

@bitterex, don't worry too much about your dc being in thrall to these glamorous women. I asked my son at Christmas ''so was *Anna nice to you?'' nosey and he shrugged and did an imitation of her asking him if he'd had a nice Christmas. He literally could. not. care. less. They could stand on their heads but from his pov, he's thinking ''we're with our dad, why is that woman here?'' and his older sibling thinks the same, just, we're not often with our dad, why are you here???

nakedscientist · 08/09/2018 12:55

OP just keep smiling and smiling. Your ex has spent all this money on his " girlfriend experience" and you' re not bothered Grin.

You girls won't even remember those women in a year or so. They'll be fine, they have one decent stable loving parent at least.

What a pathetic uber-prat he is.