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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that my ex's girlfriends are actually hired actresses?

92 replies

bitterex · 08/09/2018 11:46

I am divorced from my ex-H for a couple of years and we have two young children together. On paper he shares custody with me almost equally, in reality he travels the world and has contact with them on average once a quarter for a couple of hours - sometimes more, sometimes less.
Every time he sees them he brings a new girlfriend around. I am a bit stressed (we have a long history of custody litigation and the divorce itself was very hostile, so I am uneasy around him), but try to be nice and have a pleasant chat. Today was "the day", and another new lady came with him to collect the children. She seemed nice enough, but what puzzles me is that the following scenario repeats over and over, with minor variations.
All of them are much younger than him (like 20 - 25 years younger), model-league attractive, successful, seem to be very much in love with him (I'd say even theatrically in love, but then I am the bitter ex), and he proudly introduces them as "Meet X/Y/Z, the one and only love of my life". With the current girlfriend, they've been together for three weeks, met on a holiday in August, and she said, giggling nervously, that "they are trying to start a family", and that she would love to be a stepmother to my "gorgeous" children (whom she's seen for the first time today for 10 minutes so far).

I am not jealous of my ex (well, I am very, very jealous of his lifestyle but not his relationships). I've seen four girlfriends (four and a half, if a skype session with another one can be counted as "half"), and the next time I mention their name casually in a month or two during our regular call (e.g. "how's X's sick dog / Was Y's art exhibition a success / etc") he seems to be lost as to whom I am speaking about.
I described number four above. Number three was with him for a couple of weeks, they met through work, clicked together and were already planning a wedding. Number two was asking for my advice on what to get his family / extended family for Christmas (and they could not have been together for more than three weeks at that point, as number one was introduced to me exactly three weeks prior). Number two accompanied ex on the next visit (after Christmas) as well, brought expensive presents for DCs, and that's it - I've never heard about her since. Wanted to send her a thank you card next week, and was told by ex to forget about it, she's no longer in the picture.

AIBU to think they could be hired actresses (but what could be the motive?) Or is there an endless supply of gorgeous gullible young women somewhere, ready to start a family with / marry a man they've just met? My ex is not a celebrity, and not wealthy (relatively well-off though), uber-attractive or famous. Or am I actually jealous and need to get a life myself?

OP posts:
bitterex · 08/09/2018 14:50

The children were brought back, a happy photo offer was declined as while she trusts me 100% and believes we will be the bestest of friends, she tries not to have photos taken in this age of social media.
Offered a girls-only lunch next week, what an amazing idea, unfortunately she's in the process of changing her phone number and my ex will definitely text me her new number once she knows it.
Curiouser and curiouser.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 08/09/2018 14:53

The children were brought back, a happy photo offer was declined as while she trusts me 100% and believes we will be the bestest of friends, she tries not to have photos taken in this age of social media.
Offered a girls-only lunch next week, what an amazing idea, unfortunately she's in the process of changing her phone number and my ex will definitely text me her new number once she knows it.
Curiouser and curiouser.

Yep - she’s an escort!

When I was at Cambridge 20 years ago some enterprising soul tried to set up something along the lines of this - basically along the lines of www.takeagoodlookingcambridgestudenttoyourxmasdo.com

Unfortunately the student newspaper got hold of it and trashed the idea and that was the end of that.

HiHoToffee · 08/09/2018 15:16

Well played OP

Mumoftwo, the same was happening at my uni (different country) and ran for quite a while until the uni found out.

Talith · 08/09/2018 15:57

I agree well done OP - if you continue to embrace these women and try to get photos and phone numbers it will very quickly become apparent if they are escorts or not.

Because your XH sees the children so rarely it's not a massive issue either way but it does underline the character of your XH, and it is important to know who might be coming into contact with your children and whilst an escort might do and say all the right things if the money is right, it's not remotely demonstrating an authentic relationship. I think over time that's going to give your kids some very crappy messages about what intimate relationships should be like.

yesornoworld · 08/09/2018 16:23

OP I'm sitting here having some quiet time and a good old read over Mumsnet while DC are out at weekend commitments. Thinking prior to this thread I have commented on a few threads now so better get on with some housework.

Boy am I glad I opened this thread. I am in stitches. Sorry OP feel for your girls though. What a crappy role model of a dad. But on the temp GF note this is hilarious.
He obviously wants to lord it over you as being the diamond you were so blind to see, and you being the one who has lost out on such an amazing guy. Seems like this is a way of stroking his own Ego and maybe giving him that much needed fantasy existence, to help him cope with the loss of a family life.
These high end escorts/companions can cost quite a bit. Hence the extended time frames before you are all introduced to the newest treat in his 'life'.

I would make comments as to what happened to the last one? I really liked her and I thought she was perfect for you .... but then again thought the same about the one before that one too.
Does he really think he can fool you for much longer? OP hope you get with a nice guy. You seem so patient and persevering lol. Would love to know what EX's reaction would be when your man opens the door. Grin

grumiosmum · 08/09/2018 16:30

Yay, well done OP.

No-one on Mumsnet has ever taken a suggestion of mine, acted on it, & then fed back before. AFAIK!

MulticolourMophead · 08/09/2018 16:37

Does he really think he can fool you for much longer? OP hope you get with a nice guy. You seem so patient and persevering lol. Would love to know what EX's reaction would be when your man opens the door.

This would be a good idea, but I'd wait until the custody arrangements have been altered, or the ex might throw a spanner in the works.

CandidaAlbicans · 08/09/2018 17:33

she tries not to have photos taken in this age of social media
Scared of being outed perhaps?

Offered a girls-only lunch next week, what an amazing idea, unfortunately she's in the process of changing her phone number...
Doesn't want you Googling her number and finding something interesting maybe. As you say, curious.

NatureIs · 08/09/2018 17:42

However he comes by these girlfriends it seems one of the first things he does is book in to pick up your DDs. I'd conclude he's either parading them in front of you or he can't/won't look after your DDs on his own. Sad which ever way you look at it.
He might think he's the Big I Am but his DDs are unlikely to have a positive long term view of how he treats & respects women. Whether it's the girlfriend's choice or not, it doesn't reflect well on him. I wonder if he cares about being a role model, it's nothing to aspire to is it?! All you can do is keep records as you are and if it becomes damaging you've got what you need to challenge again. Try not to be jealous, you're better off without him.

Tightbutt · 03/09/2019 19:33

This reply has been deleted

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LenoVintura · 03/09/2019 19:45

Next time, take a pic either surreptitiously or by surprise and then google her. Or, get her alone and suggest that you know / he's told you she's an escort / sugar baby or spin her a line that there's something she needs to know about him and make her come clean.

LenoVintura · 03/09/2019 19:46

Oh, zombie thread 🙄

QOD · 03/09/2019 20:20

Hahahahaha @Tightbutt
If you’ve really got a tight butt you probably wanna try dadsnet

jesuschristwtf · 03/09/2019 20:34

prob not hired actresses but perhaps he is paying them to try and make you jealous/show off that he can get someone super young. He probably tells them what to say and pays them a lot of money to say it just to oddly spite you? He's probably got a bun of lines he distributes and it rotates. What a sad man. If i were you, eveytime he brings a new girl and declares XYZ - i would just smile and say, oh cool! hello! and leave it. That'll piss him off. And i would say the same to every single one of them.

Butchyrestingface · 03/09/2019 20:40

How old are your kids? As on serious note I’d be concerned about the introduction of some random string of strangers around them

Right enough. @bitterex Ask them for their equity no and whether the agency DBSed them.

ScruffGin · 03/09/2019 20:41

I remember this originally, was hoping for an update! Grin @bitterex

BetsyBigNose · 03/09/2019 23:48

Me too @ScruffGin! Grin Come on @bitterex - let's have an update, did they turn out to be actresses? How many have you met since you last posted?!

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