Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/09/2018 16:49

Some people manage to communicate with their DC and tell them they're getting up for someone who needs a seat more than them. Hmm

Sirzy · 07/09/2018 16:50

Exactly ohlook

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 16:52

Often a child seeing an adult do something will learn that it is something expected of them as they grow into an adult.

And I agree I would much rather my DD grew into an adult who considered that there may be a passenger who has a greater need for a seat than an adult who felt entitled to take a seat from a child.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 16:54

Yes, but they're not telling their children that they also need to stand up for someone in need. Something has obviously gone wrong because it is the norm now for healthy 20 and 30 somethings to remain firmly plonked in their seats while elderly and disabled people stand. You never used to see that, so it has to have something to do with children no longer being told by their parents to stand up when an old person gets on the bus.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 07/09/2018 16:58

Do people not talk to their children? If I stand up for someone on a bus, I say to my child what I am doing and why. That is how they learn, not by being made to stand up for random able bodied adults.

Timeisslippingaway · 07/09/2018 16:58

I am amazed at how many people would make their child stand on a bus instead of standing themselves. Why? Is your child less important than you?
I wpuld always give up my seat for someone who is in need of the seat more than me this wpuld include my 10 year old because if the bus had to emergency stop I would much rather it was me that fell over than him, I wpuld also much rather I was the one being bashed into by people getting on and off the bus than my child.

Lydiaatthebarre · 07/09/2018 16:59

I also regularly see young adults grab a seat as soon as it becomes available without looking around to see if anyone needs it more, or worse taking a seat that someone has just relinquished for a more needy person.

There is just such a lack of awareness on public transport nowadays.

Thesearmsofmine · 07/09/2018 17:00

I don’t think I have ever been on a bus where someone clearly in need of a seat for whatever reason doesn’t get offered one. I don’t drive so am a regular bus user.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 17:00

User I wonder if some of that is due to phone use to be fair.

Lydiaatthebarre · 07/09/2018 17:02

A normal healthy ten year old is perfectly capable of standing on public transport.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 17:05

Yes I do think phone use is a big part of the problem. But adults should really know to look up every now and again and check that they're not taking a seat from someone in need. But the excuse they often give is 'oh well, I'm usually on my phone. People can ask if they need a seat'.

Elderly or disabled people should not have to ask for a seat, it should be offered to them as soon as they get on, by someone healthy who is sitting near the door.

If you're sitting further down the bus you can be damn sure that if you stand up, some self absorbed person will have plonked their arse on it before the intended passenger can make their way down the aisle.

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/09/2018 17:09

That's not true at all user. My dc understand they should offer their seat to those in need and have done without our prompting. But then it's a case of need rather than want, which is something else we try to teach them about.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 17:12

Your children may do so OhLook but many many kids nowadays don't; and not only kids but young adults as well.
I don't know how many times I have seen my elderly mother stand on public transport while the majority of the seats are taken up by 20 and 30 somethings, parents with young children who could easily sit on their lap, and teenagers glued to their phones.
It is really depressing to see. My mother always stood up for elderly people, she taught her children to always stand up for elderly people, but now she is elderly herself no one stands up for her.

OP posts:
itsstillgood · 07/09/2018 17:12

My kids used to sit on complete strangers laps when they were toddlers and babies and I'd stand. At 12 my youngest always offers his seat. I rarely travel with my eldest but hope he does. Unfortunately I struggle to stand in buses myself now due to arthritis but always will if there is someone standing who looks like they need the seat more than me.

howabout · 07/09/2018 17:13

If you're sitting further down the bus you can be damn sure that if you stand up, some self absorbed person will have plonked their arse on it before the intended passenger can make their way down the aisle.

Now I understand. The able bodied adults in the office are using this justification to excuse not getting up for a person in need. The Mums and children are usually near the front of the bus because that is as far as the Mum can navigate them all before the bus pulls off and / or they also have a pushchair and a load of shopping to manage.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 17:13

Ok I must confess when I got the bus I deliberately sat near the back because I thought I was less likely to have to give my seat up. I would still have done so though.

I do agree with being aware of what's going on. For example if a bus or train is half empty I would have my bag next to me. If I saw it was getting full I would move it.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 17:16

Don't be silly howabout.

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/09/2018 17:17

I've seen many children do it, not just mine.
I've seen a lot more entitled adults than children, and I use public transport a lot.

Lydiaatthebarre · 07/09/2018 17:18

Genuinely can't remember the last time I saw a schoolchild or teenager stand up unprompted and offer their seat to an elderly person. Doesn't even seem to cross their minds.

Sad, that Sad

turquoisegreenblue · 07/09/2018 17:20

I wouldn’t put my DD on my lap for an able bodied adult.

howabout · 07/09/2018 17:20

Me too OhLookHeKickedTheBall

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 17:21

Why not turquoise. It just means an extra person gets to sit down, not that either you or your toddler have to stand.

OP posts:
turquoisegreenblue · 07/09/2018 17:30

It’s really quite uncomfortable having a toddler on your lap on a bus as I have to hold on to her when the bus goes round corners and can’t steady myself.

LuvSmallDogs · 07/09/2018 17:43

I find it hard to have my massive 4 y/o in my lap with my bump and my 3 y/o who has special needs is best kept pinned against the window seat to prevent him running up and down the bus - having him in my lap gets me head butted in the face, and anyone sat where he or I would be sitting would be getting flailed at anyway.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 18:02

I'm glad at times like this 3 yo is firmly strapped into his buggy. I'll happily give up my pull down seat next to buggy to someone who needs it more.

When he's out of buggy and I get up to give my seat to someone I will explain to him. When he's better able to stand than me I'll ask him to and explain why. When he's old enough to know better he'll get the eyes of he doesn't move