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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 07/09/2018 16:09

Surely you offer your seat to people who need it more irrespective of their age?

Plenty of children will need a seat more than me for a variety of reasons - including just being too young to be safe stood up!

Thesearmsofmine · 07/09/2018 16:09

Why does a child need to offer their seat to an able bodied adult tough? What makes that adult more important than say a 7year old child?

explodingkitten · 07/09/2018 16:11

Depends on the parent and child. My oldest nephew (who is autistic) wouldn't sit on a lap to save his life. He can't stand that level of contact.

Thesearmsofmine · 07/09/2018 16:11

though*

CatchingACold · 07/09/2018 16:12

Why does a child need to offer their seat to an able bodied adult tough? What makes that adult more important than say a 7year old child?

As I said- people will never agree on this. 1 isn't right and 1 wrong- but your upbringing and so social class strongly determines your view on this.

doesthemindrulethebody · 07/09/2018 16:14

Surely the very term "public transport" means just that - transport for the public. I don't see why children should be taught to "give up seats for adults" when 99% would not do the same for a child. Don't like getting the bus? Learn to drive!

lexer · 07/09/2018 16:14

@Therearmsofine "Why does a child need to offer their seat to an able bodied adult tough? What makes that adult more important than say a 7year old child?"

Children need to be taught respect. Some parents aren't capable of doing that obviously.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 16:14

Which social class does what? I'm a snob and want to make sure I'm taking the naice approach to this

nailak · 07/09/2018 16:14

Mumsnet logic:
It child abuse to put a child in a car without a car seat.
However that child is perfectly safe standing up on moving transport, surrounded by people bumping into them, who probably can't even see them because of their height.

Also a teenager who leaves there house at 7.30am to go to school, has a day of school and then sports activities or whatever, is carrying a backpack full of books, is likely to be just as exhausted come 5pm as any adult. I really dont see why children should be taught their needs and well being comes second to adults.

Notthemessiah · 07/09/2018 16:14

Why does a child need to offer their seat to an able bodied adult though? What makes that adult more important than say a 7year old child?

Because they've been alive longer - duh!

bestbefore · 07/09/2018 16:15

I had my 15 year old bony bummed DD on my knee on a mini train on hols so we could all fit on - that was fun!

woodhill · 07/09/2018 16:16

Pecking order etc

CatchingACold · 07/09/2018 16:17

Nationality is a key factor as well.

I spend too much time on the tube and bus! It really fascinates me, I have been informally studying this area for several years!

CatchingACold · 07/09/2018 16:18

Now for a real test of social class on public transport, come from from an England rugby match at Twickenham by tube or train.

Thesearmsofmine · 07/09/2018 16:19

Catchingacold you keep talking about social class but won’t expand. Interestingly I have lived in very different parts of the country and people don’t act that differently.

howabout · 07/09/2018 16:20

snuggy my teenagers will stand in preference to sitting next to the smelly drunken tramp on the bus. Suspect "naice" people don't use public transport much round our way.

Original poster

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 16:20

Yeah it's probably how you were brought up.

I was brought up to offer my seat to middle aged and elderly people and expect the children in my family to do likewise. At a large family gathering they would also be expected to sit on stools or on the floor and let the adults have the proper chairs.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 07/09/2018 16:23

See I was brought up to be considerate of everyone irrespective of their age!

I still sit on the floor if needed, coz I can so why wouldn’t I?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/09/2018 16:24

I'm very interested to know what social class I apparently come from too.

anitagreen · 07/09/2018 16:24

Awful children being made to sit on floors like little peasants. If your that offended by a child sitting on a bus seat I pity your life if that is all you have to quibble about. Awful people

cadburyegg · 07/09/2018 16:25

I have a baby and a 3 year old and there isn’t enough room for both of them to sit on my lap, my 3 year old wouldn’t be able to hold on if he stood up, I can’t hold onto both kids while standing myself so no, I wouldn’t give up our seats. Paying full price doesn’t mean you have priority. Yes ideally young kids should sit on parents laps where possible but I don’t agree that older kids should give up their seats for able bodied adults. Bonkers.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 16:25

I knew someone who got on a bus where everyone was standing despite the bus being virtually empty. She walked past only to find two people shagging in a seat . Definitely not a naice route. I think I would make my child stand in that situation.

Original poster

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 16:26

What a silly post Anita. Just because people are discussing one issue doesn't mean they have nothing else to worry about in life.

OP posts:

Batteriesallgone · 07/09/2018 16:27

I use public transport a lot. My main priority is sitting together tbh, and I will often stand with the older kids (6 and 4) seated (younger in pram) because that way I can keep an eye on everyone. I HATE it when both older kids have to stand as it’s really hard to steady them both and keep myself steady.

Also the points people are making about kids standing on busy transport are spot on, handbags at head height can be lethal, and people just don’t think / care. My son got a right whack once (cut and bruised) from someone’s shopping and they didn’t give a shit. Since then, I admit I prioritise having my kids safely in a seat / securely standing in a corner over the needs of a healthy looking adult.

manicinsomniac · 07/09/2018 16:28

I agree with you. If transport is crowded then as much seat sharing as is feasible if the most polite way forward.

I sat on my sister's lap to let someone else have a seat on a crowded train recently and I'm 35!
There may have been alcohol involved but still ...

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