Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
ImAIdoot · 07/09/2018 23:59

Personally I think it's a bit princess, if you are an able-bodied non-pregnant adult, to try and insert yourself in the hierarchy of who-gets-the-seat anywhere except the bottom of the pile.

Elderly, pregnant, small children, disabled people, injured people and those who are obviously having difficult time (crying, faint, pale) and so on should obviously all have first refusal before a healthy strong adult gets a look-in.

user1494050295 · 08/09/2018 06:04

@sleeping-the child was hysterical because she was exhausted. However her mum could have offered her seat, although she was probably tired too from their day out in London. To add I was only going a few stops so about 20 minutes and knew the girl could have my seat when I got off. On a final point - in the southern hemisphere growing up all school children (state and private) had it drilled into them that they will lose their free bus pass if they don't behave on public transport and that they must offer their seat to adults.

PhilomenaButterfly · 08/09/2018 06:08

I've often posted this, but someone once expected me to put my 3yo on my lap when I was 8.5 months pregnant! Where was she supposed to sit?! Confused

Faithless12 · 08/09/2018 06:19

Tbh I agree toddlers should be on parents laps and little children travelling together should share seats. However, I don’t agree that small children should stand and hold on to their parents. Thankfully most Londoners agree and offer DS a seat. I have been offered a seat to sit next to him but I never accept it because ultimately he could still sit on my lap (uncomfortably now as he’s all limbs) and I don’t need a seat.
The reason why I don’t think small children should stand is that I’ve had adults falling into me when the train jerks to a halt a lot. A small child is likely to be crushed.

Thishatisnotmine · 08/09/2018 07:07

People usually offer their seats for dd1, 3.5, on a crowded bus. If I have the pushchair with me I decline and carry her while standing next to the pushchair. If dd2 is in the carrier though I gratefully accept. I have my bag, a rucsack with dd1's nursery bag in it as well, sometimes a small bag of shopping (although I avoid this). I can hold onto dd1 while she stands but it is really difficult. I sometimes take the seat and have her in between my legs. If I have the carrier and the bus isn't packed dd1 has her own seat. If we are at the front and someone got on who clearly needed the seat I would have stand her between my legs though.

I offer my seat to small children too. Because I am polite and a nice person. I cannot believe that people get angry about this.

toomuchtooold · 08/09/2018 07:09

I've been waiting ages for one of these threads to pop up again. We went on holiday to Sweden this summer and when we were on public transport in Stockholm, adults, including people in their 60s and early 70s by my estimation, stood up and offered their seats to our 6 year old daughters. It was lovely. It is just how they do things, it seems, that able bodied adults including older people consider small children (not even that small) as more in need of consideration than they are. I love Sweden and would happily go and live there.

NadiaLeon · 08/09/2018 07:11

Why not ask them to get up and stand? British people are such cowards.

Thishatisnotmine · 08/09/2018 07:18

To add: it's not difficult for me to stand and hold dd and all our things but it is difficult for her to stand and hold onto me. She might be tired and if the bus is especially crowded she becomes a bit upset by all the people twice her height pushing past her.

Mummyrowland · 08/09/2018 07:23

I do think kids under a certain age should get moved on to Laps - the age depends a lot on the size of the kid.

We used to do that with ours and my 8 year old son filled me with pride on holiday when on the shuttle bus from the airport he got up from his seat and sat on my lap without anyone saying anything and said to a lovely older lady here have my seat. I swelled with pride and the lady thought he was so polite. He couldnt stop smiling and neither could I tbh!!

He did it of his own volition without any prompt from me or her.

If you bring kids up with respect it's amazing how long it lasts!

SnuggyBuggy · 08/09/2018 08:31

As a shortarse I'm not sure I'd appreciate an 8 year old sitting on me Grin

CripsSandwiches · 08/09/2018 08:33

Personally I think it's a bit princess, if you are an able-bodied non-pregnant adult, to try and insert yourself in the hierarchy of who-gets-the-seat anywhere except the bottom of the pile.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that a young child should stand while an able bodied adult sits. Just that if the child is on a lap then everyone can have a seat. Obviously there are some situations where an adult can't put a child on their lap which is fine, but if possible surely a small child can be popped onto your lap so more people can sit?

DwangelaForever · 08/09/2018 08:43

My two year old wouldn't sit on my lap on a bus and it would be extremely uncomfortable for me to hold her as she is half my body size in height (never mind the fact that I'm pregnant atm but that's a different story)

I think if your toddler would happily sit on your lap then fine but it's not an option for everyone. And you wouldn't huff at an adult sitting in a seat so just get over the fact you have to stand 🙄

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/09/2018 08:45

you think your 2 year old should take the seat of a paying customer? because having her on your lap wouldn't be 'comfortable'?
People like you shouldnt be using public transport, tbh.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 08/09/2018 09:05

People who don't understand the terms of carriage should be traveling on public transport.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 08/09/2018 09:05

Shouldn't
Thanks phone Hmm

m0therofdragons · 08/09/2018 09:34

you think your 2 year old should take the seat of a paying customer?

Old people get free travel too. Let's make them all stand Hmm

Seriously it's only mnetters who have an opinion. First come first served unless someone with additional needs arrives and needs a seat. My legs are almost certainly more stable at my age than a 2 year old so I'd give my seat to a 2 year old. Why people are such dicks on here about this I don't know.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/09/2018 09:37

" First come first served "

yes for paying customers...

SnuggyBuggy · 08/09/2018 09:43

Maybe there should be an established hierarchy with coloured badges to denote which classes of people are most deserving of a seat.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/09/2018 09:46

don't be silly.
I would be quite happy to give up my seat for say, a toddler that was skittering about, with a busy/preg mum.
However, if I got on the bus/tube and there toddlers taking up the seats that could quite easily sit on their mum's lap, it's annoying.

Sirzy · 08/09/2018 09:51

But you don’t actually know if they can sit on their mums knee do you? The only persons needs you know are your own and maybe others in your party!

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/09/2018 09:53

well, I guess not, but you know what I mean.

Another thing that annoys me is people on trains who need whole seats just for their luggage..but that's another story..:)

my2bundles · 08/09/2018 09:54

I always sat my son on my lap tI make room. He is 11 now and taller than me so he is obviously to big to sit on my lap but will stand to make room elderly /disabled or people wth small children. I really don't understand why people won't sit their kids on their laps, obviously not if heavily pregnant.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/09/2018 09:57

that's really good My2.
SAme here, we always made room for others if possible, now my (19yr old) children are polite and offer their seat to old ladies etc.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 08/09/2018 09:57

In many areas disabled people don't pay. Presumably they, along with children and the elderly don't deserve seats. And only half a seat for those on discount rate with travel cards. As they deserve less due to paying less.

This is why the terms of carriage state its for travel and not seats. Regardless of paid, free or discounted.

fluffedupferretonsteroids · 08/09/2018 10:12

To the people who are saying they often see school children and adults sitting while older people are standing, please bare in mind that not every disability is visable. I have narcolepsy and probably looked like a right cow not giving up my seat.

Swipe left for the next trending thread