To feel sad that my bf doesn’t want me to come with him

[Mayla]

Need your input mumsnetters. Apologies for the length of the post.
I’m a single mom who recently started dating. Been with someone for over 2 months intensely (known him since Jan this year) and he has decided to get a vasectomy for us.
He has a half hour to drive to get to the hospital. Sometime back, I told him I’d come with him to which he said yes and thanks. Last week, I texted babysitter to set up a time but she couldn’t come at the time I wanted. BF then said, don’t worry, not a big deal and that he’ll go alone.
Today I spoke with a friend whose husband had it done and he’d needed someone to drive him and that was only 10 minutes away.
So I called him up and said I’d organize the babysitting and that I’m coming with him. He says ok and thanks. Then 10 minutes later, sends a text saying it’s really alright and that he’ll go alone.
I text him back saying if he’s concerned about my babysitter situ, it’s all sorted out. But if he prefers to be alone, that’s fine. He then texts back saying thank you, I’m a big boy.
So obviously he feels comfortable on his own and uncomfortable with me. AIBU to feel hurt/rejected by this?

What? He's getting a vasectomy for you when he's only known you two months??

Been with you two months, I mean.

I'd try not to read too much into it.

I can't get over the fact he did it "for us" after you've only been together 2 months. What if you break up, and he then meets someone who wants children?

He’s getting a vasectomy after being in a relationship with you for two months?

He prefers to be on his own. Maybe it's a bit embarrassing, maybe he doesn't want you to see him in pain? I wouldn't take it personally.

X post!

Actually, given that you've only been together 2 months, and he's not letting you come along with him, are you sure he's actually getting it done, not just trying to get out of using condoms?

He’s probably not even going for the vasectomy...

Does he have any children? How old is he? This is all very random, even if it’s an intense relationship it’s very early days

I can't imagine he's thought this through. Two months?

He’s not going for a vasectomy

My suspicious mind would lead me to think he just wasn't actually eating it done, mostly because you are only 2 months in and it's a massive commitment ...

Insane getting a vasectomy 2 MONTHS into a relationship for starters.

But then I suspect he knows this and is planning on telling you he's got it when he hasn't - don't rely on him being responsible on this you BARELY know him!

Is this in uk? Does he already have DC? How old are you both?

Well, my dh drove himself there and back himself.

You have to have someone to collect you.

Are you absolutely sure that he's going to get a vasectomy? I don't mean this in an accusatory manner and you don't of course have to answer but if you asked him to get a vasectomy is it possible he's pretending to??? Although I know you said he decided so maybe it's as simple as he doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to see him in pain? That in itself is a bit odd though - after such a short relationship he doesn't feel he wants you there but is getting a vasectomy.

Is this so that he can have unprotected sex with you, OP?

This is a wind up surely? If it's not he's definitely not getting it done. If you decided to do it because he doesn't like condoms then you know vacectomys don't protect from STDs so if he says he's had it done let him know you still want him to wear condoms and watch his reaction!

You sound a little pushy about going too. Are you seeing this “being there for him” as a barometer of a serious relationship? I wonder this because of you saying he’s doing it “for us”.

Way OTT to decide it means he’s not comfortable with you. Maybe he just prefers no fuss, doesn’t want to put you out. Even if you don’t feel put out, he can still feel it’s putting on you. Of course, he might not be comfortable with you going - he’s only been dating you 2 months.

It’s all a bit odd though. You’ve been with him 2 months and this agreement to go was “sometime back” and he’s managed to arrange it. Just how many days into this relationship did he decide it was “for us”? If he wasn’t thinking of having one anyway, unrelated to you, I’d be a bit concerned at the speed of that decision!

Second thought - are you sure he’s not married and his wife is going with him?

I just can’t get my head around having a vasectomy for a relationship of 2 months when the child you do have isn’t his.

That's a bloody big decision having only been in a relationship for two months. Are you sure he is actually having a vasectomy?

NHS website (if not getting it done privately) says there's a waiting list if several months, will need a GP and surgical teams consent depending on age and if they've already got children and may also require counselling.
And he's got most of this sorted in 2 months!

You've been together for 8 weeks and he is prepared to curtail his chances of ever having (more??) children?

That's ludicrous sorry.

Has he met your child? Is he a good fit for you family? Does/will your child like him?

Absolutely crazy.

As if.

Maybe he’s learned a bit more about the procedure and has decided he may not want you there for personal reasons? I’ve seen a few and once one of the men in pre-op told me he didn’t want his OH with him as he didn’t want her seeing him ‘looking vulnerable.’ I’m sure some people would think that is silly, but they’re his balls and he’s the patient so he’s entitled to do it his way.

Demanding to go and getting upset is a bit unreasonable. Let him get on with it how he sees fit.

Also, I really don’t understand someone making a decision that rapidly either...he could come to regret it later. I watched a GP trained in minor ops perform the procedure. He told me that if anybody was young and making a hasty decision he would at least encourage them to go away and give it some more thought before placing them on his day case list. Has this man mentioned anything like that?

Something a bit weird about all this OP. He decides he wants the snip when he's been with you 8 weeks and then doesn't want you to with him. I'm not sure I believe that's what he's up to.

Who the hell gets a vasectomy after 2 months in a relationship? He's definitely not doing that !!!