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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that my bf doesn’t want me to come with him

111 replies

Mayla · 06/09/2018 18:59

Need your input mumsnetters. Apologies for the length of the post.
I’m a single mom who recently started dating. Been with someone for over 2 months intensely (known him since Jan this year) and he has decided to get a vasectomy for us.
He has a half hour to drive to get to the hospital. Sometime back, I told him I’d come with him to which he said yes and thanks. Last week, I texted babysitter to set up a time but she couldn’t come at the time I wanted. BF then said, don’t worry, not a big deal and that he’ll go alone.
Today I spoke with a friend whose husband had it done and he’d needed someone to drive him and that was only 10 minutes away.
So I called him up and said I’d organize the babysitting and that I’m coming with him. He says ok and thanks. Then 10 minutes later, sends a text saying it’s really alright and that he’ll go alone.
I text him back saying if he’s concerned about my babysitter situ, it’s all sorted out. But if he prefers to be alone, that’s fine. He then texts back saying thank you, I’m a big boy.
So obviously he feels comfortable on his own and uncomfortable with me. AIBU to feel hurt/rejected by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mayla · 08/09/2018 03:06

Update: He did get the vasectomy done. I asked him if he felt uncomfortable with me being there with him - he said not at all. Just that he knew it was a 15 minute procedure and he didn't want to trouble me with arranging babysitting just for that.

After having read some of the posts, I started to feel paranoid about him but nope, there really wasn't anything fishy about it. I'm lucky, I found me a good guy :)

Thanks for your input ladies.

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 03:29

A good guy doesn't make life-changing decisions on the back of an 8 week relationship OP.

Monty27 · 08/09/2018 03:36

You were there? Have you seen the paperwork?
Sorry I did skim a bit as I have an eye infection.
I wouldn't trust though.

MistressDeeCee · 08/09/2018 03:38

Given timescales surely this would mean he discussed and agreed vasectomy within 2-3 weeks of you being together?!

More likely you've said at the outset you don't want kids, and he's now tricking you into believing he's having a vasectomy. Ask him for the follow up/appointment paperwork. Not that he really is having a vasectomy tho.

Monty27 · 08/09/2018 03:41

Yes that MISTRESS.
I find it odd.

1forAll74 · 08/09/2018 03:52

It all sounds very odd I think, but of course you can't just make assumptions about people and what they say and do. But if he really is going for the Snip, then I dare say he could go alone. Just check the BF over when he gets home.!

busybarbara · 14/09/2018 00:58

An old man has lucked his way into a relationship and so has decided to have the snip since he'll now be unexpectedly getting his whistle wet. Doesn't seem suspicious to me. He didn't need it doing while he was sorting himself out now did he.

AjasLipstick · 14/09/2018 01:04

Barbara I have to say it....that expression is gross. Really gross.

SpoonBlender · 14/09/2018 01:12

For fucks sake people, after a vasectomy he'll have stitches in his scrote. Pretty sure @Mayla will be able to tell!

hooveringhamabeads · 14/09/2018 01:14

There are no stitches after a vasectomy

Guiltypleasures001 · 14/09/2018 01:17

I'm sure there are stitches

kmc1111 · 14/09/2018 01:31

An older style vasectomy requires stitches. Newer keyhole procedures don’t.

Passingwords · 14/09/2018 01:35

mighty suspicious, he's made a life changing decision on not a lot. OP I am sure you are wonderful but something is not right

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/09/2018 01:48

Bull. Shit.

If you believe him then more fool you.

Monty27 · 14/09/2018 02:25

AjasLipstick bluergh 😣
Barbara just why do you need to be so gross Confused

KnotsInMay · 14/09/2018 03:54

I wonder why Bararbara needs to v so ageist.
“An old man”
Following a Pp “at his age “ he didn’t think he would ever have sex again.

Good lord.

HappenedForAReisling · 14/09/2018 04:46

He's only in his 50s FFS, he's not an "old man".

cantfindname · 14/09/2018 05:31

I find this as incredible as the poster who didn't realise she had a separate hole for wee!!

I know many men who have had vasectomies. In each case it has taken several months to arrange, plus, from what I recall and appointment for counselling to make sure they are certain of their decision. Also every single one of them has spent the following week walking like John Wayne due to the extreme discomfort!

OP has known this man for 2 months and he has made a life changing decision? Yeah right. Keep taking your pills love or buy a new crib.

Vitalogy · 14/09/2018 06:25

I've not read the whole thread so don't know if it's already been mentioned. Could he be only saying doing this to be able to have sex without a condom?

C0untDucku1a · 14/09/2018 06:30

A ‘life changing decision’ for someone in their 50’s to decide not to have more children? Really? Surely that’s pretty standard...

crazydoglady6867 · 14/09/2018 06:43

and he has decided to get a vasectomy for us.

I think this is where everyone is getting mixed up. The OP’s DP decided to get a vasectomy for HIMSELF

Looks like he did it,

Imknackeredzzz · 14/09/2018 07:01

Ha ha ha, he hasnt had a vasectomy love. More fool you if you think he has!

Izzygrey · 14/09/2018 07:14

People on here always assume the worse! Maybe he just doesn't like to make a fuss? Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable having people see him in pain!? Maybe he's just not easily flustered and didn't think it was a big deal and didn't need a handhold? Also just because he said he's "doing it for" the OP doesn't mean he literally meant that - he probably did it more for himself because he doesn't want kids and now he's in a relationship there's more risk of him ending up getting someone accidently pregnant then when he was single? But the way he said it just sounded nicer than "I don't want to knock you up by accident." Why pretend to have a vasectomy? You think he's trying to sneakily get the OP pregnant? Hmm

BikeRunSki · 14/09/2018 07:21

Whilst I am not 100% convinced by this story, when DH went for a vasectomy about 3 years ago, it took 2-3 weeks from referral, and he drive himself there and back (15 mins).

BasilFaulty · 14/09/2018 07:33

OP, can you pop back and clarify some of the points above? About stitiches / walking etc?

This all seems rather odd.