To feel sad that my bf doesn’t want me to come with him

[Mayla]

Need your input mumsnetters. Apologies for the length of the post.
I’m a single mom who recently started dating. Been with someone for over 2 months intensely (known him since Jan this year) and he has decided to get a vasectomy for us.
He has a half hour to drive to get to the hospital. Sometime back, I told him I’d come with him to which he said yes and thanks. Last week, I texted babysitter to set up a time but she couldn’t come at the time I wanted. BF then said, don’t worry, not a big deal and that he’ll go alone.
Today I spoke with a friend whose husband had it done and he’d needed someone to drive him and that was only 10 minutes away.
So I called him up and said I’d organize the babysitting and that I’m coming with him. He says ok and thanks. Then 10 minutes later, sends a text saying it’s really alright and that he’ll go alone.
I text him back saying if he’s concerned about my babysitter situ, it’s all sorted out. But if he prefers to be alone, that’s fine. He then texts back saying thank you, I’m a big boy.
So obviously he feels comfortable on his own and uncomfortable with me. AIBU to feel hurt/rejected by this?

My bf had the snip after we’d been together for 8 months...neither of us want any more dc and he came to the conclusion that even if we broke up, HE didn’t want any more.

However, the whole process took a lot longer than 8 weeks...from referral to having it done was about 5 months. So unless he’s having it done privately I’d be a bit suspicious that he really is doing it. Mind you, be easy enough to tell when his bollocks go black and he can’t walk for a few days.

@McFugget you made tea come out my nose. That was too funny.

Offer him bags of frozen peas to hold on his bits for weeks and ask is it still no sex for 3 months after. Because no way is he actually doing it.

He’s probably not even going for the vasectomy...

This crossed my mind . . . OP - be very careful about using protection - you'll need to for a while anyway, but please make sure that you don't stop using other methods until you know he isn't fertile.

And like others,I think that 2 months into a relationship is very soon to decide to make a decision that affects your future fertility.

He’s in his 50’s..2 almost adult children. I’m in my 40’s. None of us want more kids. And no it’s not in the UK.

I don't think you need to read much into it. He is just happy to go on his own.

I know 2 months seems like a very short time but we actually known each other for 8minths and been exclusive for almost 3 months. We’ve seen each other most days of the week. He comes over once my kids are asleep and we spend hours together. That’s what I meant by intensely because I feel we’ve established a bond that is rather unusual for one that’s been going on for only 2months

Oh dear.... like many other pps, I don’t think he’s having a vasectomy either, OP - and it wouldn’t be right if he was after a mere two months with you, would it?

Already married? In more than one other relationship? Liar? I’d proceed with caution if I were you

And I think that he thinks that even if we don’t work out, having the procedure done is good for him in the future and any future GF’s he may have.

Intense??? Narcissist?

If you were my friend/sister/colleague/cousin/insert other here I’d be so very concerned for you. This is all kinds of wrong.

If he is wanting the snip for himself, that is a different matter. It does sound sensible at his age with grown up children tbf. But doing it for someone you’ve been with for a couple of months is absolutely bonkers.

It doesn’t matter how often you see each other or how ‘intense’ it is, I have food in my fridge older than your relationship (I mean, probably ) so you definitely don’t know each other enough to commit to something like a vasectomy yet.

I think it's believable if he's older and has kids already. He probably would have got it done before except that he wasn't in a relationship, so why bother?

I also don't think you should be rejected. It's a minor surgery, no big deal, he probably sees it that way so doesn't need anyone there. He's a grown man.

If he's genuinely having one, bear it mind it takes ages until it's safe to have unprotected sex. I thought it'd just be a few weeks but DH had snip in July and it's close to Nov before he'll get results and I'll be able (hopefully!) to come off contraception. Just in case your feller is pulling a fast one and wants unprotected sex much sooner. It does sound v fishy so to speak. My DH was also told he should be accompanied home.

If he is having a vasectomy (which I doubt) then he wants to go on his own. Thta's his privilege, it's not a personal thing against you, maybe he likes to do this sort of thing alone - many people do - I never want people to come to the hospital with me.
Why did you keep going on and on about it when he'd clearly said he didn't want you to go - I'd find that pretty annoying, give him the space he has made clear he wants.

Actually re reading your OP - he kept saying yes/ no /yes/ no didn;t he ? - apologies.
Lets get real - he's not having a vasectomy.

Well you don’t need the snip if you’re single so it makes sense that he’s only having it now he’s in a relationship, which will in effect be for both of them. He obviously doesn’t want anymore kids and it makes contraception easier for this and any future relationship. I don’t really get the shock horror about it- if it’s soon enough to have sex it’s soon enough to think about contraception.

As for the rest to me it sounds like he doesn’t really want you to go out of your way to be with him. It sound like a bit of a palaver for you and he’s probably happy just to get on with it and doesn’t feel like he needs a chaperone.

He’s in his 50s? He’s a big boy now. No wonder he doesn’t need hand holding for the op.

Snip 9th June for DH, semen test 25th September, so yes a fair few months.

He could have the time paid as a medical appointment, but has gone for the days holiday route as he says he may well slack off now and then, but couldn’t actually wank in work time

At his age, and the OP's, and given that they both already have children, a vasectomy sounds sensible to me, and I don't see any evidence that he wouldn't have one.

My husband had one when we were similar ages, a year or so after our younger daughter was born. He went by himself. No need to read anything into it.

Is he having second thoughts?

I really don't see the drama here. He's obviously been in a relationship earlier in life, probably had a bit of a dry spell and didn't necessarily think he'd be out bonking again at his age, but now that's he's getting his end off with OP is happy to get a vasectomy. Quite simple, let him crack on.

wtf

Sounds like he's just trying to be easy for you.

I wouldn't feel hurt or rejected... not everything is about you. Maybe he doesn't want to be seen nervous?

Something is not adding up. I presume you know he is not completely sterile until he gets the all clear from the second sample after the procedure. Use protection until you see the medical results in writing. It's all happening way too fast. Don't involve your DC with this man.