AIBU to want to end marriage for this reason....

[Hushhush89]

Sorry if it's a long one....

I've been with my husband for 11 years and married for 2 years and have 3 children with him. I do love my husband but I'm fed up of feeling like I'm living in a house instead of my home (hope that makes sense). Don't get me wrong he is a fantastic guy and will help anyone with anything, but that's the problem, soon as someone asks for his help he is there no matter what but I ask for something to be done (usually tip runs or sorting the garden out) all I'll get is 'yeah I'll get it done' and that's it till I next bring it up and then he gets the hump because I keep going on about it but I go on about it as he never does it. Both my gardens are a state and now at the point I couldn't even get the lawnmower through it. Overgrown hedge that we are getting letters about to sort it out and yet he is still ignoring it. Today he has gone to help out a relative (I have no problem with that as she lives alone and does need help with a few jobs) promised to be back before children were home from school, I received a phone call about 10 mins ago to let me know he has just left and probably won't be home before children are in bed.

I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm a maid living in someone's house with my children. I'm constantly dreaming at the moment me and my 3 children have our own home and I'll wake up happy till I realise it's a dream. I had complications after having my 3rd and now keep wishing they didn't save me as I'm not happy....

AIBU feeling like this, is it worth ending my marriage?

Sorry again for the long post

Woohoo... he is finally doing one of the gardens....

Thinks it's because all day I've been suffering with a headache (usually puts me to bed as there bad) I've just said I've had enough so im doing it, next thing he disappears and I can now hear the lawnmower

Delete post please

Hi OP you will need to click on report to mumsnet to ask for something to be deleted.
I'm glad your dh pulled his finger out - did he get the whole lot done? Hope it will make you feel a bit better

Thank you. Wasn't sure as was going to delete whole thread.

Nearly all sorted now, just a bit more to do on the hedge but garden waste bins are full and we still have loads of cuttings left in the garden so got to wait for bins to be emptied.

Feeling loads better and no more feeling ashamed where I live

In almost the same boat as you except my husband is a big baby, for 18 years I have paid all the bills, done all house chores and brought up a son all by myself . He repeats two sentences 1) I gave you a child, that’s what you wanted 2) if you want divorce you give me half of all you own incl my inheritance, my pension all. According to the law , like a house wife staying home all her life , he is entitled to it. Even though he actually never did any house chores, shopping or bringing up a child . I am stuck with no way forward & no way back

I can't believe people who are saying OP should suck it up and do the garden herself.

Why the fuck should she when she does everything else?

Being a SAHM is often a thankless task. You take on all the childcare, all the housework, cooking, cleaning, all the mental load. All too often the mentality becomes that the "working" partner is the one who earns the money. Never mind that it's usually much harder being a nanny, cook, cleaner, laundress, maintenance worker than it is working in say, an office sat on your arse for 8 hours a day. I wouldn't change the fact I have dcs for the world but working full time was a walk in the park compared to raising them and being a sahm.
Just because the sahm doesn't get paid for what she does doesn't mean she should take on absolutely EVERYTHING to do with the home and garden whilst the partner who goes out to work arrives home at around dinner time and sits with their feet up of an evening and weekend.

He isn't a great guy OP - it seems like he wants others to think he's a great guy so jumps up to run and do jobs for them whenever he's asked however he doesn't seem to give a crap that your garden is a tip and it's having a detrimental affect on your relationship.

At this point I don't even think it's about the garden is it? The scales have fallen from your eyes and you realise he is a lazy sod who cares more about his reputation with others think rather than making his own wife happy by keeping up basic Maintenance on his house and helping out.

No YANBU to want to leave him.

@HollowTalk

He likes t get the glory, doesn't he? All those people must think he's great, how he jumps to their command and will do anything for them. All the while he's doing bugger all for his own wife and family.

This was my thought too, he's enjoying basking in the regard from others. When he does stuff at home, he doesn''t get those "feels" and so isn't bothered about doing it.

Lazarus thread. 2018. Leaf it !

Maybe now is the time to think about how you manage it going forward.
Replacing some grass with nice stones and pots would make sense.
You can just order them in tonne bags online. Put your efforts into planning and getting the materials. I mean, if he can't get on the drive for the gravel, it will have to be moved!
Talk to him, get his agreement but don't leave it open ended. Have a set task that can be completed rather than a vague 'we must improve'.
Having nice outdoor space may help your mood too.

Agree with most comments, this so isolating being a SAHM and you definitely have your hands full. Your husband sounds like he is quite insecure and needs to have his ego boosted by being the local 'hero'.
You say that he does alot with the kids? So he does do something around the house- just not the housework? Could it be that he just doesn't like gardening?
I am thinking more about the impact it is having on you seeing an untidy garden. Rather than believing that it should necessarily be your job to do the work. But.... can you tell your husband that he is to have the kids for a full day over the weekend where he is to have full responsibility all day to then allow you to sort the garden out? The initial work will involve doing this most weekend's and you will need assistance with the hedge which can be arranged with a gardener if he can't do it. Once you have got on top of bulk of it, then you will let him know when he will be needed to allow for maintenance of the garden.
it's not ideal but it sorts out the garden which seems to be your biggest bugbear.

I had complications after having my 3rd and now keep wishing they didn't save me as I'm not happy.

Your marriage/lazy inconsiderate husband is making you wish you had died in childbirth. Errrr yes that is a good reason to leave.

Seriously, dont put up with this, you deserve a life where you feel valued, supported, that your home is yours, and one that isnt so awful and difficult that you wish you died.

In your hedge... in your hedge... zombie zombie