To tell my DD3 to starve if nothing is good enough?

[sidesplittinglol]

Ok a bit OTT but she is driving me to the edge at the moment. No food is good enough for her. Meal times are so hard as she has limited me to the amount of food she will eat. She then complains she's hungry but won't eat anything that's good for her. She'd live on biscuits and chocolate if she could.

Things she won't eat:

Pasta
Cheese
Tomato sauce
Any type of meat
Potato (apart from chips)
Rice
Egg (only boiled)
All veg
Beans
Toast (hit and miss)

I'm not great at meal ideas as it is but I feel this list limits me so much.

I've tried to make the food fun and look nice but the second she sees something she doesn't like it sets the tone for the rest of the meal and she won't eat it.

Can anyone please suggest anything I can do or make.

@sidesplittinglol you're right to let her starve. She's basically worked out how to use food as a weapon against you and that she has the power to make you agitated. She'll eat when she is hungry enough.

The best way to deal with it, is to present food, not cajoling or pleading her to eat. Just eat WITH her but don't make any sort of fuss. If she refuses to eat, just ignore it, take away the food and don't say anything.

When she's hungry, present healthy food again but don't make any sort of fuss. Just present it and distract her chatting about random things.

REPEAT.

She'll soon realise she gains nothing by refusing food, she'll be hungry enough to eat and will lose the will to battle.

Also encourage her to help you prepare the food - that helps.

She's learning to eat and she's learning to test what she can and can't decide for herself.

My dd has been quite a fussy eater but I think it is more about her wanting to decide. I have a "it's this or nothing" approach but I don't make a fuss. Every third night or so I will something she likes but other than that I don't pander. We have a marble jar. If she eats well/tries something new she gets marbles (the number depends on what she tried) and if she doesn't then we take a marble away. She doesn't have to eat everything, we agree a rough amount but she is expected to try a little of everything. Once she fills the jar she gets a treat. We also only allow 30 mins for dinner and have a visual timer for it. We didn't use to do that but found she was starting to play games, trying to draw out meal times.

Children are very clever. They learn quickly that food/eating is a great way to ‘ control’ their parents. Offer the food, and remove it without comment if they refuse to eat it.

I’ve had a fussy dc and they are even less variety than this.

I think if you stick to making sure the food groups are all going into her you’ll be ok.

Eg- protein- lentils, fish,(tuna?) nuts? Humous?
Dairy- milk yoghurt butter, cream eg on fruit, creamy sauces, cream cheese? (Even in a cheesecake?)
Eggs- a boiled egg every day will give her lots of vitamins and isn’t very high calorie, mayo?
Fruit& veg- vary the colours and give lots of berries, will she eat carrot cake or courgettes cake?
Will she eat ketchup or soup with tomato purée in it?
Carbs- oats? Wholemeal bread, make big homemade wedges for chips, cereals esp fortified ones

I’d also give her a multivitamin if you’re worried she’s missing out.

Food doesn’t need to be hot to be healthy.

There are ways to make some bitter foods tastier eg put loads of butter in mashed potato, roast veg rather than boil it, add sugar to tomato sauces.

Is she under/overweight?

Is her behaviour linked to her diet?

My son did the same thing - refused anything that wasn't sausages at dinner. I started to get him to cone into the kitchen with me and got him smelling and pouring out spices, herbs and sauces then mixing them with the main. He refused it when it was put down to him but once he was till he made it, he started to eat it. Now much less fussy and will at least try things which is our house rule. You must try it and if you dont like it that's ok but you must at least try it. Good luck!

um by 2 years old I gave 1 or 2 options from whatever we had available and if she didn't like it.. tough, I then made 1 and she either ate it or didn't and went to bed ... she eats just about everything now (5) and since 2.5yrs

Both my kids have been raised with 'you get what you're given' everyone eats the same, well balanced meal together or go hungry and wait til the next meal time (which is usually the turned down food served again). They both tried once to get away with it and never again! I dont cook bad food so it's just them trying to gain control of you. No snacks, only water and dont give in. They arrent going to die of starvation, just calmly state they can eat it or be hungry. If they leave it, calmly take it away. Never give in to snacks or a different meal until the next meal time when you serve a proper meal (dont let her choose) ive had extremely fussy kids come to tea with a 'i dont eat that' but i dont make a fuss and tell them they can skip it and there is always a clean plate

Also helps to do something active, like a long walk before meals to get her hungry - food is much more appealing when you're tired from exercise and hungry!

Try her on some vegetarian meat alternatives

Toast is out, but does she eat plain white bread. Banana sandwiches, egg sandwiches. Fish isn't on your list, make fish gougons with her, fish pie. Sometimes if they are involved in makingvthe food tgey end up eating it. Soup made with veg can be liquidiser and she wouldn't know. If she likes cream add a spot in middle, she may well think it is supposed to be a pudding. Otherwise wouldn't worry about this issue. Will probably sort itself out eventually as long as you don't supply snacks of junk. Need to say "that's what the meal Is, nothing else" and stick to it. Horrible though doibg what you think of as denying your child food.

I've got the same problem with my DD 3, he is generally not too fussy but really will not eat dinners if he doesn't want to. My DP wants to punish him by putting him in his room for 10 mins if he refuses to eat and really won't let him not eat stuff whereas I'm happier with him only eating what he likes on his plate and not pushing him to eat the stuff he's decided he doesn't like. I feel like we'll need to get advice from the health visitor as I don't think either way is helping. He's quite underweight for his age too.

Forgive me if I am repeating what others have said (just home from work but have experience in solving close friend's similar issues) and haven't read the whole thread.
Simply feed attractive balanced meals, no problem if they don't want something, tell them to just leave it on the plate. Only drink offered all day or night, water. No milk, no juice, nothing, ever. Nothing between meals.
And repeat.
Has worked every time it was consistently followed (one friend had to go on holiday as couldn't manage at home with all the goodies the child knew were available).

we used to try playing games, I’d cook a veggie soup for example, put every vegetable i found in the kitchen in it and say it’s a magic soup, which will make you invisible for 1 min, then pretend like I can’t see him so he’d invisible. also maybe changing the presentation of food may help, my son didn’t eat bananas for example, i found out if i put some cinnamon on it, he then eats. it’s tough work, good luck!

Well, I’d just say ‘this is your meal. You have a choice to eat it or not. I don’t mind either way, but there is nothing else until breakfast’. Apart from milk at bedtime obvs. When did parents start offering a choice? It’s madness!

Also, if you can possibly manage it, eat with her, but don’t let her get down from the table until you have finished, and talk to her. If she’s making a fuss, remove her plate and put it on the side, and be prepared to give it back.

My kids eat everything (almost)

Some of you are saying not to do snacks. Should I not offer a snack in between meal times? Between lunch and dinner is quite a long time.

Well today went well at dinner but lunch was not so well.

Lunchtime I gave her two things she liked and 1 veg that she didn't like. She said she didn't like it. I said her that it was all she was having for lunch and she can eat the things she likes but there was nothing else after that to eat. She ate 1 of the things she liked.

I followed some of the other advice at dinner time and found she ate half her dinner. I did it as a 'serve yourself' type thing with different options and she took a bit of each and ate most of it. But I can't be sure if this was down to technique or because it was food she liked. In the end she thanked me!

Thanks for the suggestions and advice. They've been helpful.

I had a very fussy young one. Limited to nuggets, spag hoops, pasta and cucumber (no skin). Now a strapping adult, 6ft and eats anything, particularly loves salad! Don’t stress it. Yes to try and get them to help make something. Maybe just turning on the food processor for hummus, dead easy. Pita bread with it. Blunt knife to cut it up. I also had a weird fussy diet as a child. Grew to be 5ft 9in! Good luck. It does get better, just hard at the time.

Regarding snacks..

Should the previous meal not be finished, and it’s good that is possible to leave on the table (covered) or reheated, then I’d give the previous meal repeatedly. This IS what I’ve done before...

Many children grow out of fussy, don’t worry too much xx (says she with a teenager who has some rather fun dramatics when given cucumber ... LOL!)

If she’s having a lot of snacks she’s maybe not hungry for 3 meals.

I have 1 D.C. who eats very little so 3 meals a day is plenty.

What time is lunch/dinner is so far apart?

Isn’t 1pm lunch 5/6 pm dinner the norm for that age?

We always allowed them to eat yoghurt/fruit if they didn't like dinner. Not going to starve and best not to make it into a stressful situation. They always knew that was the rule. We didn't offer an alternative dinner.

She normally has breakfast around 9ish then she's hungry by 12/12:30 and will lunch then. Dinner is at 6/6:30 depending on whether my 4 month old wants a feed or not.

Let's assume that this is a normal fussy 3 year old, they all are to some extent or another ... rather than a list of what she won't eat make a list of what she will eat. For me a balanced meal contains protein carbs and veg and I plan meals that allow all of us something we like in those groups. E.g. if we have something with salad dp and I will eat anything going, my 10 year old has his own with just iceberg, carrot, sweetcorn and tomato, fussy eater age 5 gets a bowl of sweet Corn. 5 year old also has decided he doesn't like spag bol so he will have a little bowl of Bolognese (blended veg and tomato sauce cause neither of them like to see the vegetables) with a bit of bread. We make him try new things by giving him crumb size pieces and he will accept that and sometimes likes unexpected things. He's better now but when he was doing proper refusal of foods I knew there was no reason for him not to like I would offer nothing else but put his plate in the fridge and if he was hungry later he could eat it. It is difficult but make it easy for yourself by giving her things she should like, offering tastes of new food and don't go to too much effort because then if they refuse it's not so frustrating.

@sidesplittinglol I feel your pain, my sister is in a very similar situation, her daughter is a very fussy eater nothing with sauce (I.e pasta lasagne ketchup) no beg nothing really, she lived my sister giving up at mealtimes and then she just won't eat at all. She can go days with eating nothing so take it or leave it doesn't really work. She just started nursery and the nursery workers are even shocked.

One thing that slightly helps is having no snacks in the house...and trying to stick to routine as much as possible ...hope she gets better and ignore everyone saying you have not done enough, my sister has tried everything and still suffers

@Cath9207: She also doesn't like chicken much - too dry.

I personally can't eat most chicken breast ast I find them so dry (especially bought pre-cooked chicken). However, I love chicken thighs -- or really any chicken brown meat - cooked until they are just cooked properly and the juices have just started to run clear. Really moist and tender. Your daughter may not find it so dry.

I have this issue with my issue sometimes (also 3)
I, like you, have limited meal ideas (terrible cook!) and when he refuses to eat his favourite meals his tea I give it to the dog (if suitable). He throws a tantrum and is sent to another room to calm down. In the meantime I'm making a quick sandwich or bowl of cereal for when he eventually comes back asking for something to eat, by this point he's hungry enough to just eat whatever he's given and if he doesn't, well then he starves until I feel like a shit parent, cave in and give him a pain au chocolate (can never go wrong with them!) because then at least he's had something.
It's hard to break the routine though, we went through a phase where he'd do this every day because he knew he'd get want he wanted in the end, so I stopped buying his 'treat foods' I.e the croissants, Nutella to make chocolate sandwiches, mini pizzas & and his favourite cereal. Then I had nothing else to offer except toast - and like with your DD, he's hit and miss with liking it and after a week or so he started eating tea with us again. He'll occasionally try in on but I had a bitch fit a few weeks ago about cooking tea for nothing as DP had decided to not eat my food either the past few days, so know they both know I mean business after I spent the next night cooking for me and the dog and left them a going stale half loaf on the side for their teas. I tend to only make the foods I know DS likes/has eaten in the past so it's infuriating when it's refused but it does turn around given time and tough love!