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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this not a normal reaction.

91 replies

offtocornwall · 06/09/2018 08:09

We got a new car last week. Not brand new but nearly new much better than we thought we could afford as the finance was very reasonable. It's in my husbands name as I already have a car which is in my name and I have always paid for it myself.
My car is a little car. Fantastic for around town but not great for very long journeys. It also has a worn wheel bearing and is booked into the garage next week for repair.
Husband LOVES 'his' new car. Hasn't owned a decent car for years.
I have driven it a few times but not without having to get really stroppy. eg. Going to pick up large teenagers from a party . I wanted to take the new 'big' car rather than my tiny 4 seater 2 door one. .. I wouldn't think I had to 'ask permission' as we are married, both work full time and share bills.. therefore assume cars are shared too. (He has happily been using 'mine' for 3 months prior to getting this one. )
but no.. it wasn't offered and had to verbally wrestle the keys from him.

On to the issue . Last night I had to go and drop something with our daughter who has just moved into her new University house. It is a 90 minute drive and I had just driven home in my bone shaker for 50 minutes. On arrival I said I was taking the other car as more comfortable. Queue a huge strop. Refusing to give me the keys.. saying 'you'll ruin it' . (I have completed the college of police 3 week residential response drivers course, drive avg 250 miles a week and touch wood have never had an accident- except the odd bump/scratch - he has written off at least 2 cars )
He eventually handed them over. I got in the car - drove to the petrol station and bugger me ! The bloody door handle snapped..
I drive to daughters house. Then phoned him. To give him time to calm down. Didn't work. Absolutely ballistic. Accused me of 'doing it intentionally '. Screamed at me that I can pay for it.. (fine - but don't see any offers of help to pay for my up coming repair after he has been driving my car for months)

To add insult to injury it was our wedding anniversary yesterday. He was cooking a meal for us. (and our last child at home) but instead he went to bed at 8:30.

AIBU in thinking this behaviour isn't remotely sane and more indicative of a child with a favourite toy he doesn't want to share .
Why can't he accept that accidents happen and just get over it. I didn't get a wrench and rip the handle off intentionally. ! Sadly the car is out of the 3 yr warranty by 2 months so I can't get it repaired by the manufacturer and the dealer warranty doesn't cover it.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 06/09/2018 08:41

Your husband sounds horrible
Is he always like this with material possessions? He's like a toddler. I would make that the last wedding anniversary if I were you.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 06/09/2018 08:44

Shove him a sleeping bag and send him off to his car
Then ltb.

keefthebeef · 06/09/2018 08:46

Absolutely appalling behavoiur. Does he have any good points?

ohdeardeardear · 06/09/2018 08:48

What an overreaction. He sounds horrible.

Sell your car and get a better one Grin

Flyme21 · 06/09/2018 09:02

What a shit. Is he like this normally?

ems137 · 06/09/2018 09:38

Really not normal behaviour. We only have 1 car now as DH got a motorbike but before that we've always had 2 cars. 1 of them was always much newer and nicer than the other, DHs car was normally just a cheap runaround to get to work in but if he was ever going anywhere further or for an interview etc he'd just take the newer car (for comfort and air con!). The only time I would ever get annoyed is if he left me without car seats or buggy etc. Neither had to ask to use either car!

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 06/09/2018 09:52

No. That's not normal. Or appropriate. What a horrible way for him to behave

Winosaurus · 06/09/2018 10:17

WTAF?! I would not be happy with him at all!
Selfish prat

ToftheB · 06/09/2018 10:20

Eugh, are you sure he’s old enough to drive?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/09/2018 10:22

He's a tosser.

But it's odd that he was so convinced that you'd break a week old car; and then you did. Do you have a habit of breaking things?

It wouldn't excuse his behaviour even if you did; but if you don't, I'd be suspicious as to why such a coincidence happened. Either he'd already broken the door or you are pretty careless/deliberately rough with things; I'd think. It's not easy to break door handles off new cars.

TheActualLastJedi · 06/09/2018 10:47

DH refuses to drive my car, he however does not refuse to allow me to drive his car. (DH refers to my car as a "girls car" 😂)

Weirdly I pay the finance on his car (the large family car) and he pays the finance on mine (small car, bought as a gift for me).

If I said to DH, give me the keys to the Volvo, I'm just popping out, he simply says "yeah sure they are on the side there"

I genuinely think I'd be furious if he behaved like a spoilt toddler refusing to give them up. I'd probably refuse to do/help/loan him anything for a good while.

Nikephorus · 06/09/2018 10:53

I'd be pretty pissed off if someone had broken my 'new toy' (and let's face it, for some people, a car is a really big deal), and how you could break a door handle off is beyond me. So while I think he's over-reacting to an extent if he is genuinely 'screaming' at you then it's OTT. But is 'screaming' an exaggeration? And are you generally a bit careless? Seriously, you broke the door handle off!!! How????

GloGirl · 06/09/2018 10:54

I'd make the car even nicer for him. Little holders for small personal items and some blankets to make it cosy.

Furnish it with a little toothbrush and toothpaste, and a pillow and tell him to live in the fucking thing and get out of the house.

FlipnTwist · 06/09/2018 10:55

Are you a bad driver, have you form for not taking good care of things?

If you are honestly not- the YANBU

FlipnTwist · 06/09/2018 10:56

will the car not be under warranty re the handle?

Lawrence22 · 06/09/2018 10:57

YANBU - massively ridiculous reaction. In fact, there shouldn't have been a reaction at all. Or not one aimed at you anyway, since you didn't cause anything! (Assuming you don't have superhuman strength and ripped it bodily from the car Grin)

For perspective, my DH loves cars. When we last had to replace our small, old, crappy car, I let him choose. Not his dream car as we still had to be a bit practical, but it's still his baby. I then went and had a minor accident resulting in a few scrapes just a few weeks in. Def my fault.

I phoned him in a right old state to confess, felt terrible that I'd messed up his shiny new toy but he just checked I was ok and nobody else hurt before pointing out that the car is just a lump of metal and didn't matter.

That's how people should behave!!

ProcrastinatingPingu · 06/09/2018 10:57

^^ GrinGrin

Pretty much that.
What a child, he needs to learn to have some respect for his wife.

I am curious as to what this handle was made out of for you to manage to break it though!

Tattletale · 06/09/2018 10:58

No he should not be shouting at you. You are not a child. I had an accident in the family car a few years back which cost us in the region of a thousand pound to repair. My DH didn't shout at me (I was pretty upset and shaken up already). Is he like this over other things?

ProcrastinatingPingu · 06/09/2018 10:59

*^^

SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2018 10:59

He's a dick.

If you brought it a week ago then contact them. Surely they have some sort of separate cover. I'd certainly try it.

Can you get a second set of keys cut?

Can you withdraw your contribution to the car finance?

Fattymcfaterson · 06/09/2018 11:01

It's coming across as a bit "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine"
You say you share bills etc, but then refer to the small car as "your" car? 🤔 So why can't he have "his" car?
And tbh how do you snap a door handle?!

imadumbass · 06/09/2018 11:01

What an absolute arsehole! He sounds like a petulant child.

JessicaJonesJacket · 06/09/2018 11:19

Some people are very possessive about their cars. I don't think it necessarily makes them bad people or childish.
You need to sit down and talk rationally about how you're going to split the cars.
We usually have two cars in our family. At certain points, we've shared them equally. At other points, it's been more this is 'my' car ; that's 'your' car. Both approaches are valid.
tbh if I were you, I would be very apologetic about breaking the handle. I know it was an accident but in our family we would still apologise and work out a way to make it better. If your OP is anything to go by, you sound overly-defensive.

Gersemi · 06/09/2018 11:22

There has to have been something wrong with the door handle for it to break off - I've never had that happen. A mature person would have realised that and moved on, particularly one who has written off two cars himself. I've never really understood people who are massively precious about their cars being immaculate, maybe because I live in a busy town where the odd ding and scratch is virtually unavoidable.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/09/2018 11:22

If your OP is anything to go by, you sound overly-defensive.

Crikey! If OP sounds overly defensive, Jessica what is your opinion of her DH???

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