to think this not a normal reaction.

[offtocornwall]

We got a new car last week. Not brand new but nearly new much better than we thought we could afford as the finance was very reasonable. It's in my husbands name as I already have a car which is in my name and I have always paid for it myself.
My car is a little car. Fantastic for around town but not great for very long journeys. It also has a worn wheel bearing and is booked into the garage next week for repair.
Husband LOVES 'his' new car. Hasn't owned a decent car for years.
I have driven it a few times but not without having to get really stroppy. eg. Going to pick up large teenagers from a party . I wanted to take the new 'big' car rather than my tiny 4 seater 2 door one. .. I wouldn't think I had to 'ask permission' as we are married, both work full time and share bills.. therefore assume cars are shared too. (He has happily been using 'mine' for 3 months prior to getting this one. )
but no.. it wasn't offered and had to verbally wrestle the keys from him.

On to the issue . Last night I had to go and drop something with our daughter who has just moved into her new University house. It is a 90 minute drive and I had just driven home in my bone shaker for 50 minutes. On arrival I said I was taking the other car as more comfortable. Queue a huge strop. Refusing to give me the keys.. saying 'you'll ruin it' . (I have completed the college of police 3 week residential response drivers course, drive avg 250 miles a week and touch wood have never had an accident- except the odd bump/scratch - he has written off at least 2 cars )
He eventually handed them over. I got in the car - drove to the petrol station and bugger me ! The bloody door handle snapped..
I drive to daughters house. Then phoned him. To give him time to calm down. Didn't work. Absolutely ballistic. Accused me of 'doing it intentionally '. Screamed at me that I can pay for it.. (fine - but don't see any offers of help to pay for my up coming repair after he has been driving my car for months)

To add insult to injury it was our wedding anniversary yesterday. He was cooking a meal for us. (and our last child at home) but instead he went to bed at 8:30.

AIBU in thinking this behaviour isn't remotely sane and more indicative of a child with a favourite toy he doesn't want to share .
Why can't he accept that accidents happen and just get over it. I didn't get a wrench and rip the handle off intentionally. ! Sadly the car is out of the 3 yr warranty by 2 months so I can't get it repaired by the manufacturer and the dealer warranty doesn't cover it.

Just keep reminding him of the two cars he's totalled. Every day. Every time he has a dig at you.

I would be tempted to scratch 'wanker' into the car somewhere in small letters so he doesn't notice for a while. Can't prove it was you.

I'm not sure the issue is the car really... his reaction seems quite over the top and hugely childish-not letting someone else play with his new toy. Not that attractive is it?
I had a similar situation with exh in that when I was pregnant with dd2 I had a rubbish old secondhand car that we got from someone in his family, whilst he was driving his work car-I think it was a new Passat. I found my car to be really hard to drive as it didn't have (very good) power steering, I had a touch of carpal tunnel, and the seat was hugely uncomfortable, made worse by the fact that I was pregnant and commuting half an hour farther than him a day. I asked if I could take his and got told a flat no as it was 'his'.

It made me feel a bit shit tbh-that he put his car (or I don't even know, how he looked in his car?) over me, especially as I was having a bit of an uncomfortable time of it.
It's probably not a deal breaker but it's that sort of thing that can start a slow drip to not liking your spouse very much if you (he) aren't careful.

He is being completely irrational and unreasonable. How can you put up with this?? I would have told him to leave the family house until he can stop acting like a teenager. Ridiculous.

The fact you had to phone ahead to warn him says it all....I feel for you but don't put up with it!

He was unreasonable and he knows it, hence the message this morning.

He sounds like a bit of a dick.

I would make sure not to drive the damn thing ever again, and in turn keep him away from my car.

Santaclarita Your post made me guffaw very loudly in a very unladylike pig like fashion

He’s being a bit of a twat about the car. Men are twats about cars. I have lots of stories. Get the handle fixed and refer to the handle as your handle from now on

He's jealous of your driving ability - what an arse! What a horrible example to give your DCs too. Obviously they know you're a better driver and yet your DH constantly undermines you.

I'm glad you put it back to him when he asked if you could stop fighting.

Is he nasty/ spiteful/ strange enough to have sabotaged the car so that it would break? Then he could say "that time you broke the door handle" and use it as a way to ensure you don't drive "his" car.
Wow! Now that is a MN 'looking for the worst in a man' gold medal winner!! Bit of a jump from 'man gets OTT pissed off at treasured car being broken' to 'man purposely sabotages treasured car to score points over wife'...

I cant get over this... A white van scraped 'his' previous car a good few years ago. While the car was 'in my charge' This has always been rewritten in history as 'me reversing into someone' ... (I was in the house).

You were not even in the car ? . He's a twat,he really needs to rethink his attitude if he were to continue living with me

Sell your car and get a better one

I think getting a better husband should be the priority tbh.

I would be very annoyed in that situation, but not over the top angry. I would though expect my dh to fix any damage he did to my car (we both have our own cars that we pay for ourselves, though my car is also the 'family car' and his is more a work vehicle, he's self employed). If he broke my car, I'd expect him to pay to have it fixed, and I'd also expect him to ask permission to use it (I wouldn't say no though, unless I needed it to go somewhere or he wanted to do something stupid with it). But it depends on the arrangement you have in your household and what's normal for you. I expect surely it should be under warranty to fix though?

Nonje not all men are twats about cars. We have 4 cars at the moment, one is referred to as my car as it’s the one I drive daily and is always at home and my husband will drive which ever of the others he brings home from work but I’m never surprised to look out of the window and find my dh has gone out in ‘mine’, it’s a non issue, we use whichever is most appropriate at the time. DH doesn’t even bat an eyelid if I need to use his precious rally car (when it’s on the road). We don’t tend to use the kids’ cars but that’s only because they are only insured on their own cars and it would leave them carless and dd’s has a black box. Your dh is a complete arse and needs to grow up.

That does sound like a massive over reaction for a car. Your OH is being a tad selfish and unreasonable, but by breaking the door handle albeit unintentionally, you have just reinforced this behaviour!

My OH has no problem with me driving his car, but used to religiously go around it checking for damage or chocolate ground into the seat afterwards (I confess to being guilty of the latter, and therfore am no longer “allowed” to eat in his car). He doesn’t seem to care anymore, but his car is about 4 years old now. He’s talking about getting a new one soon, so I guess he’ll go back to checking it after again

We each have our own cars too, so I understand being 'precious' about them!

If I ask to borrow DH's (he has better headlights and a satnav), for a night time journey, he would always say yes unless he was using it. Although I do leave him my keys.

I understand that married people expect to share stuff, but I would always ask DH - it's common courtesy.

Bit of an overreaction on his part!
Your OP does say you "said you were taking" the new car though...
I also notice you say the new car is "in his name", does that mean to say he has paid/is paying for it?

If he is the only one he wants to drive the car then you should tell him ok.

Let him pick teenagers up, drive 90 minutes to dcs university. Let him do all the driving.

and bugger me ! The bloody door handle snapped..
I'm sorry, but this made LOL!
It's just friggin' typical, isn't it!?

And yes, your DH is an arse!

Are you the main earner, OP? Sounds like there's possibly some slow-burning resentment in him that's been building for a while.

I don't often drive DH's midlifecrisismobile, but I have it today as he needs my car for the towbar. If something happened to his while I was driving it, he'd be upset and there'd probably be some sulking if it was my fault, but there wouldn't be screaming.

My DH is obsessed with cars, loves them (we actually own 6 between us, cant drive 4 at moment though (old bangers - tend to drive into ground but 1 is a classic hes had since 15 which is never going) and hes promised once fixed he will sell at least 2 of them, most recent car was supposed to replace one that totally gave up on us 😐 he says he can fix it and then sell, personally think its a scrap job- he has issues letting them go - whole other issue) i cant imagine him not letting me drive any of them.... in fact he has encoraged me to.... our most recent one is "mine" which is mainly because only one im insured on for commuting so when just kicking about with kids at home i insist dh drives it as by far nicest we have, why shouldnt he use a joint asset why would i want him to be less comfortable when theres a better option avalible. He usually drives round in older much less "shiney" car as he wants me and kids, who i pick up daily in the nice safe car not the dodgy old one with knackerd suspension that may break down on us....

What an asshat.

We only had one family car for most of our marriage but we do have two at the moment and they're pretty much his and hers - I pay for one (a purple fiat 500!) and he pays for his (an audi q5). We didn't choose each others at all. So much less ownership crossover than with OP.

When we only had one DH drove massively more than me (i walk to work) but never batted an eyelid if I needed/wanted the car. Now, we can easily swap cars and it's no aggro. I don't drive his at the moment as I find it uncomfortable (fuck you spd) but he regularly borrows mine if he's nipping somewhere with tight parking. It's just not an issue.

If he dared start about woman drivers he'd get it in the neck and be reminded of his (multiple) insurance claim level accidents vs mine (none).

So we’re currently searching for a second car for me. We currently share husbands big family car but with 3 small children public transport is getting a bit of a bugger and DHs work is not accessible by public transport.

With that in mind, my DH is completely aware that he’ll end up with ‘my’ small car and I’ll have the big one... i think it’s quite common, In my social circles anyway, for this to happen?

Ugh, OP, no that isn't normal at all and I wouldn't stand for it. Infact I'd be hot-footing it to a solicitor and divorcing the tosser, and then he'd find out that, as an asset of the marriage, the car is 50% yours in any case. Seriously OP, you deserve more out of life than being married to an asshole like that and putting up with his shit.

Posted too soon... my point is:

Maybe he’s scared this will happen to his new pride and joy so he’s stamping is feet and tantruming rather than speaking to you about it as a grown up...

A white van scraped 'his' previous car a good few years ago. While the car was 'in my charge' This has always been rewritten in history as 'me reversing into someone' ... (I was in the house)

If I were you, every time he said I would simply say "You know that is not true. Please don't lie." Possibly before leading the conversation onto the number of cars he's totalled.

I'd suggest that when you get the handle mended you ask the garage to have a good look at what caused it, because obviously it is not normal. It sounds as if it may have been damaged in the past and a bodged repair was done. Not only might that enable you to claim against the sellers, it would give you the right to demand payment from your husband as he obviously didn't check the car properly before he bought it.

It could be worth asking the garage to check for any other hidden defects at the same time.