to think this not a normal reaction.

[offtocornwall]

We got a new car last week. Not brand new but nearly new much better than we thought we could afford as the finance was very reasonable. It's in my husbands name as I already have a car which is in my name and I have always paid for it myself.
My car is a little car. Fantastic for around town but not great for very long journeys. It also has a worn wheel bearing and is booked into the garage next week for repair.
Husband LOVES 'his' new car. Hasn't owned a decent car for years.
I have driven it a few times but not without having to get really stroppy. eg. Going to pick up large teenagers from a party . I wanted to take the new 'big' car rather than my tiny 4 seater 2 door one. .. I wouldn't think I had to 'ask permission' as we are married, both work full time and share bills.. therefore assume cars are shared too. (He has happily been using 'mine' for 3 months prior to getting this one. )
but no.. it wasn't offered and had to verbally wrestle the keys from him.

On to the issue . Last night I had to go and drop something with our daughter who has just moved into her new University house. It is a 90 minute drive and I had just driven home in my bone shaker for 50 minutes. On arrival I said I was taking the other car as more comfortable. Queue a huge strop. Refusing to give me the keys.. saying 'you'll ruin it' . (I have completed the college of police 3 week residential response drivers course, drive avg 250 miles a week and touch wood have never had an accident- except the odd bump/scratch - he has written off at least 2 cars )
He eventually handed them over. I got in the car - drove to the petrol station and bugger me ! The bloody door handle snapped..
I drive to daughters house. Then phoned him. To give him time to calm down. Didn't work. Absolutely ballistic. Accused me of 'doing it intentionally '. Screamed at me that I can pay for it.. (fine - but don't see any offers of help to pay for my up coming repair after he has been driving my car for months)

To add insult to injury it was our wedding anniversary yesterday. He was cooking a meal for us. (and our last child at home) but instead he went to bed at 8:30.

AIBU in thinking this behaviour isn't remotely sane and more indicative of a child with a favourite toy he doesn't want to share .
Why can't he accept that accidents happen and just get over it. I didn't get a wrench and rip the handle off intentionally. ! Sadly the car is out of the 3 yr warranty by 2 months so I can't get it repaired by the manufacturer and the dealer warranty doesn't cover it.

A white van scraped 'his' previous car a good few years ago. While the car was 'in my charge' This has always been rewritten in history as 'me reversing into someone' ... (I was in the house)

So you have telekinetic powers

Door handle breaks - accuses you of doing it intentionally

So you have super strength too?

Maybe he’s just intimidated that’s he’s married to a superhero???

Not normal at all. That's a man with a problem that only he can address.

One point for clarification though - 'his' car or 'our' car? It sounds as though the two of you hold different beliefs about this and that both of you have relied upon assumptions, rather than speaking to each other about it and reaching agreement.

Though, if it's his car, then he needs to volunteer to do all the family's long-distance and multi-teenage passenger driving.

Get the handle fixed and refer to the handle as your handle from now on

Oooh! I like this idea - and every time he goes to drive the car, remind him to be careful of "your" handle. Don't get "your' handle sweaty. Don't scratch it. In fact, get in through the passenger side door and bum-shuffle across into the driving seat - that way he won't touch "your" handle

Is he controlling and nasty in other ways OP?

hed sounds like a twat my dh doesnt drive but i wouldnt take that off him

lottiegarbanzo has a point - if he didn't want you to use the car, why couldn't he take the stuff to your daughter, particularly if you'd only just got home after a 50 minute drive?

That way the handle would have come off in his hand, which could only have been a plus.

If I was a more suspicious person I would think that he knew the handle was dodgy and wanted someone to blame for it.

Out of interest, what would have happened had the handle come off in his hand? Would it have been a fault with the car, a freak accident or somehow, mysteriously, still your fault?!

Not sure the trader's insurance would cover this, but if you go to the local dealer they MAY be able to do it under warranty. You can only ask. It may also have been subject to a recall at some point if there was a manufacturing issue and this was not done. You can check this online here - www.gov.uk/check-vehicle-recall

Provided the manufacturer has advised the DVLA.

However, your DH is a dick. DH and I just take whichever car is most convenient for the job, or we feel like. DH bought himself a "mid-life crisis" car which he treats with unbelievable love and care, but he never quibbles about me driving it. In fact, I drive it more than he does.

Accidents do happen, and this may have been a problem that was bogded to sell the car. Is the handle actually broken or just come away from its mounting point.

I understand that it is something he obviously loves, but really it's only a car. I had only had my brand new car for 3 days when someone drove into the back of me. Annoying as it's a hassle to sort out, but that's what insurance is for. The poor chap was mortified, but there's no point being angry. It happened.

It's not easy to break door handles off new cars

Its not a brand new car, and things can go wrong on cars at any point.

Wow! Now that is a MN 'looking for the worst in a man' gold medal winner!! Bit of a jump from 'man gets OTT pissed off at treasured car being broken' to 'man purposely sabotages treasured car to score points over wife'

It was a question - is he spiteful enough, not an assumption. But do carry on interpreting posts to suit your agenda, rather than reading them properly.

If he's got issues with women drivers, especially ones who are better than him (which sounds like most of them)...he'll have issues with women in general.

I doubt this is the only way it manifests itself.

I've never pulled a door handle off! I've had bits snap (Ford.. bits seem to snap), and yes, I've even reversed into a wall, and scraped the side when driving the van at low speed in the carpark (v. tight round where we are - a moment's intention looking in the wrong wing mirror and it happens)

DP not only encourages me to drive whichever car is more suitable for the situation, but just ruffled my hair and gave me a hug when I did each of the above incidents - he knows accidents happen, no-one was hurt, one t-cut out, and one was just a rear light replacement (which I did).

This happened to a DFs car recently, handle just came off in her hands. Thankfully it was her car. Though her and her DH somehow manage to share cars without fuss so I doubt her DH would have reacted like that if it had happened on his car either, because its just a name thing.

Oooh! I like this idea - and every time he goes to drive the car, remind him to be careful of "your" handle. Don't get "your' handle sweaty. Don't scratch it. In fact, get in through the passenger side door and bum-shuffle across into the driving seat - that way he won't touch "your" handle

^ Definitely do this!

If both cars are being paid for jointly then maybe suggest new car goes in your name and the old one in his after 6 months.

If you are both paying for it, it is not his.

@Gersemi yes exactly.