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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For kind of enjoying the drama...

106 replies

lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 22:32

Totally going to go down in flames for this.

So, my DH's mum has a partner. That partner has a son and said son has a gf.

We don't get involved with them much. We used to have a good relationship with his mum but this gf (let's call her Ariel from now on) has gone out of her way to hijack the "daughter in law" role.

Without wanting to dripfeed and because it's all super messy, I'll quite simply say this girl has the biggest copycat syndrome possible.

I could have brushed off the fact they just happened to have kids at the same time as us, and that if mil mentioned she was seeing dgc she would have an "emergency" every time - even showing up at my door in hysterics saying she was "about to die" (she had a migraine). There was even some raised eyebrows that shortly after I (foolishly) accepted her friend request on social media that my mil's calendar became filled with babysitting dates that just coincidentally lined up with my birthday, DH's birthday, our anniversary. I'd even say it was a pure chance that she decided to hold her child's birthday party on the same day as my child - despite their birthday being two months later.

Mil allowed all this so we've gone low contact with her. She's fanned the issue and not done enough to stop it. It's not worth the effort.

Ariel has recently decided after losing about 10 part-time jobs in a row to "do" what I do for a living. A career I've carefully crafted and been passionate about since I was 3. She said on a rare chance I got cornered by her in town "i thought what you do looked fun and easy so that's going to be my job now". Then tried to pinch contacts, pass my work off as my own etc

In all of this I've remained polite, I've remained calm, I've smiled and ignored - even when it's got to the brink of insanity. She's obviously not a well person and no matter how much I block her and avoid her, she turns back up more irritating than ever.

Just recently though it's become rather comical to me. So, because I obviously can't get rid of her, I'm just kind of enjoying the stupidity and spectacle of it all. Does this make me a bad person? There were a few sketchy bits where she started following and DMing people from my professional IG page (three accounts I've blocked now - three) and everything I post she does a copycat post almost straightaway after in a super gushing twee way.

She's not a nice person and DH's relationship with his mum is now at nil because of this person. My kids don't see their grandma. Surely it's ok to take a bit of sick pleasure from this persons catastrophic obsession with us? If I thought it was dangerous/stalker territory I'd report it but it seems like she's just a really odd, damaged person who seems to be jealous of our life.

Alright, give me my bashing. BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

OP posts:
lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 22:33

*pass my work off as her own.

OP posts:
PawneeParksDept · 05/09/2018 22:36

It might be time to start some sort of legal non molestation process here OP... she does not seem well

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 05/09/2018 22:37

Not going to bash but I really think you need to let this whole sorry mess go.

StealthPolarBear · 05/09/2018 22:38

I'd be worried about potential impact on your work tbh. Any chance she can sabotage you?

lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 22:42

Thought about it @pawnee but there's bigger things at play. DH's parents aren't divorced. There's issues there and stirring the pot could have backlash on people who treat us wonderfully and care for us. I'd hate to think this psycho causing anymore damage to people I care about. As far as I'm aware her bf's sibling has EMIGRATED to get away from it. Fully blown left the country.

@Aintnothingbutaheartache I have given up on it and let it go... so many times. It's just to the point it just keeps turning back up. As I type she's just started commenting on my Instagram again. I block her she creates a new profile, I can't lock it down because it's part of my work and I need it public. It's never anything malicious either, it could be construed as even "nice" comments but it's incessant and constant. If I don't reply it continues. God the more I type the more this sounds like stalking. Confused

OP posts:
lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 22:44

@StealthPolarBear potentially. However I'm established enough that it hasn't so far. Also what she's focusing on (I don't want to give too much away) is an area I shouldn't (hopefully) come across her. Which makes it even stranger she was bothering my contacts.

OP posts:
pinkandorangeorchids · 05/09/2018 22:51

She sounds crazy, it would drive me mad

CallingDannyBoy · 05/09/2018 22:53

If it helps you keep your sanity about it yes smirk at the drama but only if it doesn’t escalate and you remain detached from it I would find it really hard to that though.

MrsRespoDad · 05/09/2018 22:57

Are you in MLM?

MirriVan · 05/09/2018 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 23:05

Tbh I've lost a lot of sleep over it in the past. I've felt horrendously jealous that my kids have lost out because they've taken so much time and energy from my kids and their relationship with their grandma.

OP posts:
lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 23:06

God no! Though she has dabbled both in glittery tat, body wraps, juice shite etc.

Nope, mine is a proper "wordy" career.

OP posts:
MirriVan · 05/09/2018 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 23:11

Thanks! I struggle enough with getting work and imposter syndrome without some dimwitted tween thinking she can just waltz in on it because "you get free stuff" and "it looks easy". And no, not a blogger. Lol (though personally I think blogging is like running a whole media company and is actually rather difficult in essence - it's just not what I do)

OP posts:
FanciedAChangeToday · 05/09/2018 23:11

Has she even been challenged about her behaviour with definite example what she does?

lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 23:12

Yes, and she denies it or cries hysterically, repeat ad infinitum.

OP posts:
Meowstro · 05/09/2018 23:12

I'd feed her lies about my work on purpose but I can also be petty at times so I'm not the best to advise on that. Sounds messy and I'd cut her off.

lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 23:15

Lol. Way ahead of you @Meowstro GrinI've given her some rather tongue in cheek advice and incorrect terminology to use with potential clients. Nothing bad but enough to make them realise she hasn't got a scooby what she's doing. It's all pretty straightforward stuff you'd learn in the professional qualification or post grad degree you would normally take. Grin

OP posts:
lonelytrombone · 05/09/2018 23:16

And thankfully a lot of it is to do with nouse and contacts. My contacts know me irl so some weird girl on Instagram isn't going to make much headway. Plus I've seen her "work" and she isn't very good at it. Wink

OP posts:
Gersemi · 05/09/2018 23:36

I'd be tempted to play with this - e.g. tell her you're having a massive party, then when she arranges one the same day, tell her you've shifted the date - when she's rearranged hers, move the date again, etc etc.

AnoukSpirit · 06/09/2018 00:00

Too busy trying to work out what the work should be vs what she is actually doing to remember the rest.

MissContrary · 06/09/2018 00:15

How does a 3 year old start to craft a career?

If you didn't laugh I guess you would cry!

ReanimatedSGB · 06/09/2018 00:26

YANBU. If you have an absolute twat in your life who is never quite bad enough to take legal action against, being able to laugh about/at that person is probably the best solution. (I have a couple of intermittent stalkers,the more troublesome of which has disappeared - the other one pops up, ranting and gibbering, every now and again but he is in no position to do any actual harm so I just have a cackle to myself whenever he reappears).

Flashingbeacon · 06/09/2018 00:29

Lucky she’s not an actual sil who could potentially have the same surname and allude to a connection that way! I know what you mean about enjoying drama though. You can’t stop it so you might as well enjoy the show.

KC225 · 06/09/2018 01:41

I was going to say 'block her' on all media but I see from your updates that you do block her and she creates new accounts. I can understand that must be infuriating - there is little you can do regards to professional/work sites but I would stop all contact on personal accounts. Ensure you have strict privacy controls.

It seems a shame that the children are loosing out on a relationship with their Grandmother because of this woman. Is it possible to have a quiet word with her or at least get your DH to do it and invite her over to your place asking her to be discreet and not to Facebook/Instagram it. The examples you have given here seem pretty extreme, surely your MIL must have noticed some of them, even if she feels her loyalties are torn.

I can understand that you have to adopt a if you can't beat em join em attitude to the drama. It's a safety mechanism or else you would be tearing your hair out. What about her partner, what does he say about it all? Is he approachable?

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