To think my family are disgusting?

[pippa33568xx]

I look after my grandad and I've been left to it for the last 10 plus years.
He has dementia.
My life has been a misery for years and I now have anxiety and depression.
I'm at grandads every day for around 10 hours.
On Sunday night he opened the door and got out (first time ever) telecare had my uncles number (off around 16 years ago even tho my uncle doesn't care for him and hasn't visited in 6 months even tho he lives 5 mins away ) I have 2 other aunts who won't help.
My uncle said there's nobody to look after him you will have to take him to hospital...my uncle went in ambulance and then left him after 20 mins in a&e as he was crying and screaming (the dementia)
I only found out when I got to grandads and he wasn't there,rang my uncle and he said he was showing me up so I left him.
He hasn't even rang to check on him.
I'm disgusted in my family
How could you leave him alone and not tell me then not even ring me or hospital to check on him.

Yanbu. Do you ever get a break?

Has he ever had his needs formally assessed? You need to accept that you can't make other family members participate in his care and be realistic about what you can do.

Have you posted before op...? Your story sounds very familiar to me. How old are you? My first thought is that being a full time carer is not the responsibility of a grandchild, particularly at the expense of their own life. Can he go into full time care? This is what I'd be aiming for if I was you. Sorry I don't have much knowledge or practical advice about that but hopefully other posters will.

Showing him up?! 😡 vile!
Yanbu

Change the emergency contact details to you and apply for extra care help and carer allowance etc.

I think I have read your previous posts. Weren't you going to give the aunts an ultimatum? It sounds like you have really come to the end of your tether.

I agree with you your family do sound disgusting but have you got some help yet? Please say you are not still doing it all by yourself and letting them take advantage of you like this.

Are you getting any support from social services? There's lots they can do (not putting him in a home).

I have posted before
Grandad is still in hospital
Social worker is coming to chat to me today
I'm so stressed I'm having palpitations,chest pain,stomach ache
I've had enough

Please put your own needs first op...

No wonder you have had enough. Please tell the social worker this and that you can't cope. If you give them an inkling that you happy to carry on they will just leave you to it.

I assume you are unable to work? And when do you have time for yourself?

If you carry on doing what you are doing you will end up in an early grave.

Good God this is the biggest YANBU I have ever given. It's so unfair that you're carrying this lOad on your own. That is abuse. I'm not in the least bit surprised your MH is suffering.. I know it's easy for us to say but You need to throw the towel in and say "Look I need help here. I can't do this anymore and certainly not on my own:.
It's nothing to do with weakness. I hate If you don't speak out soon you could suffer a severe breakdown.
There is only so much any human being can take.
Yes your family is a dis grace. Living the life of Reilly while you're under all this pressure.

And yes the rest of your family are disgusting, especially the uncle.

This is absolutely not right. You need help and support. Yes, your family are revolting. Don't let them guilt you into looking after them!

Don't downplay your situation to the SW. Make it clear you're not coping and you need help. This is way too much for anyone to shoulder alone.

Pippa, please have an open chat with the social worker, tell them everything you have been going though over the years, don’t hold back, you have carried all this stress and hurt for too long now, please take all the help you can, you cannot go on like this anymore
. I remember your post before and it was heartbreaking to read. Your grandad needs to go somewhere where he can get the help and care that he needs, and you need to rest and get your own life back. You are a star, and your family are a bunch of shits to leave you to get on with this situation for soo long. Take care of yourself now!

" You need to accept that you can't make other family members participate in his care and be realistic about what you can do."

Yes, I absolutely agree with that.

How did it even come about that you weren't out working/habving a life & could spare the 10hrs a day?

That of course doesn't take away that you would think his own kids would visit him even if they don't want to do the care.

I remember you op .

Enough is indeed enough. I really don’t think this should be down to you and I hope you get some help from somewhere, whether that be SS or family.

I remember yiur posts, you are still looking after him. Yiu need to tell the SW that you cannot do this anymore. Tell your Uncles and Aunts. He is their responsibility not yiurs. They know your a sift touch and are massive CF and you are allowing this. Give SS and hospital yiur Aunt and Uncles contact dea tails so tgat they can contact them. I bet when he goes, they will pounce on his money like vultures, whilst you get nothing. Look after yourself.

Wow op. That’s sounds so difficult.
Your uncles words are disgusting but not everyone is able to do what you have been doing for the past 10 years. You’re a genuinely lovely person for doing this. But you really need to look after yourself now. If you’re sick who will look after him ? Start to think about what’s best for you now and take a break.

His kids have to do gran dads care, it's their dad. Or sort out long term care in a home if they can't. Bet they want his home all to themselves. So they don't have to sell it to fund their dads care.

Pleas make sure you tell the social worker exactly how it is. Don't be brave, don't worry about saying exactly how hard it is and how alone you are. Don't pretend you're managing. You can care for his happiness much more when you have practical help with the physical stuff.

You are so kind. Your grandad is lucky to have you looking out for him.

And yes, your family are disgusting. I know caring is hard but they are awful.

Is there a local carers group nearby? Could you ask SS to help whilst you attend?

I remember your previous thread, OP and you've been amazing, a wonderful caring granddaughter. I can't help thinking that this might end up being the best thing that could have happened. Be completely honest with SS - it's time for you to live your own life and let other people care for your grandad .

Oh, and yes, your family are disgusting!

I bet when he goes they'll pounce on his money like Vultures.

This
1000%. They don't want him to go into a homeeting as they don't want lose his assets.Okay, fair enough. Me and my sistər didn't want my dad to go into a home for that reason and nor did he. He used to say "I've gone out to work dying before today. No one is taking this house from me and you 2 However we both looked after hIm. It's called not being able to have the best of both worlds. Which is what your family seem to want.
As others have said. No holding back from the social workers.

When my grandparents needed care, it was down to their children to sort it. Not once was it suggested or even considered that one of the grandchildren would step up. You must be fairly young...you should be out there working, socialising and having a great time.

I think I've read your posts before too. I believe we unanimously advised you to tell social services you cannot continue this level of care for your grandad, and to get him extra official care or care home placement. Any development from that? This was quite some months ago.

P.s Yes, of your family are still disgusting cretins. But you can't do anything about them, so cut them off and do what is best for you and your family.