How do you split bills when one earns more.

[nikkylou]

We're buying a house. My partner earns about 7k more than me, although I'm hoping to work on this!

He's suggested we each pay a % split into the joint account for out mortgage, bills, etc. So he'd contribute more and me less.

I'd rather pay an equal amount. It's not his fault I'm on less, we have no kids to worry about, and I can't deal with the faff of re-calculating every time one of gets a pay rise, changes job, etc.

I also don't want to justify my spending, feel like I owe something when I'm contributing less.

I get this means I get less disposal income per month, to save or spend.

I suppose this is the aibu bit. We went out for dinner last Friday, when he got paid. He asked if we can go half. I feel a little upset, especially when he spends 300 on cosmetic repairs for his car, that he can't treat me to dinner. There's similar situations. I can get over this!

I suppose I'm a little concerned if I split all the bills half way, he's still not going to consider I have way less disposal income. That situations like the above will be a common occurrence. It's hard to explain what I mean.. I don't care what he spends his money on, but it cuts when he spends big but then tells me he's skint for a Costa or something, and I have to pay for us both.

With that in mind, how do you split your bills / manage disposal income when there is a big pay gap.

P.s. I'm on my lunch break so won't be around long but will check in this evening!

Put all money into a pot, pay bills, access the remainder equally.

I don't understand how anyone is happy having a better standard of living than someone they allegedly love.

Joint account. Both salaries go in. Bills come out. We both trust each other not to be frivolous with money, as we're not that way inclined.

I'm a SAHM now so my only salary contribution is child benefit!

It sounds like you have different attitudes towards money. His idea for splitting the bills is a sound one; but he spends more on stuff he wants but doesn't need. He expects you to treat for coffee but wont treat for dinner.
You need to have the money talk.

We both put 50% of our incomes into a joint around. The person who earns more contributes more, but also has more disposable income. Thks will be revisited when the baby's born and all income will go into the joint account and equal personal amounts will be paid out.

We split bills equally, but he'll pay for dinners out (unless I'm paying for his birthday etc), petrol, puts holidays on his credit card.

I never asked him to do this, he stated he'd do it as he's the higher earner. So in terms of proportion of disposable income, we are fairly equal.

Ex DH and I paid the same amount into a joint account for all bills, household expenses, etc. (I earned more than he did).

Current partner (female) and I have been together for 20 years and have always had a joint account into which both our salaries have been paid.

Go figure...!

What Honeysuckle said. You need to sort this issue before DC come along as it all gets a lot harder then!

The car and dinner thing sounds rather mean of your dp tbh.

Thank you :)
@UpstartCrow i think you're right. I think we also have different idea of treats. He'd rather spend £10 on a video game whereas I'd rather go out and get coffee. I suppose he expects me to treat for coffee as I want to do that, but I don't think he sees I don't get much enjoyment from his car being extra shiny I'll admit it looks good !
@Si1ver I like this idea, it doesn't require as much work as a percentage split but feels fairer!

I earn considerably more than DH, so the way we do it is that I pay mortgage, childcare, the sky bill and house insurance. He pays utilities, council tax and the weekly shop. Holidays we pay half each and I buy the majority of the kids bday/xmas gifts but he also helps with these.

Surely you should only live with someone if you both think you have the right idea re money? For most people it's "put everything into the same pot and discuss major purchases." For some it might be "put everything except £? each in, and have that for own purchases."

You have to both agree on this and show generosity and understanding. He's showing neither of these things.

You don't have to live with him. There are other men around!

We both pay different amounts into the joint/bills account leaving about the same amount of disposable income in our personal accounts.

We have a monthly spending budget for everything that's joint (including childcare costs and regular savings). We add our take-home pay together, deduct the monthly total, and then split the remainder in half. So we have exactly the same monthly personal spends. We deduct the monthly spend from our own take-home pay, that is our contribution. The spreadsheet works it out, I just put in the numbers!

Salaries get paid into our personal accounts, standing order is set up to pay our contributions into the joint account on the first of every month. All joint spending comes out of that.

I earn about 10k more than DH, but we both have the same amount of spending money. He sometimes takes me out for dinner & pays the bill, sometimes vice-versa.

And DH has a hobby that requires specific kit, he pays for that out of his own spends.

@nikkylou it works well for us and several other friends have adopted it as well. I think it's particularly good if there's a big discrepancy between what the partners earn and one partner wants a more extravagant lifestyle than the other can afford.

From when we first moved in together, DH and I both got paid into the one account. Rent and bills were paid first and the remainder we used for whatever we needed/wanted as long we talked about purchases over a certain amount. We have never distinguished between his money and my money. It all just became family money. At first we were actually on the same wage, but currently I am a SAHM and not working. Prior to that I went back to uni, then was working 6 days a week for a period of time and then had my own business so my income has fluctuated a lot over the years. My husband has also had periods of unemployment during which time I supported him.

Now we have a clear budget (which we agreed together) in which we have specified a weekly amount for food and fortnightly amount for each of us for discretionary spending. My discretionary budget is much higher than his, but I am the one who buys presents, kids clothes etc so we figured it was pretty fair.

We have our own accounts that our wages go into and a joint account for ALL joint expenses (household, holidays, entertainment etc). We have disportionate salaries as I work part time since DS came along (this saves time and money on childcare). I calculate what amount is needed in the joint account and we each put in an amount that leaves us with the same amount of disposable income each. I don’t recalculate every month just every now and then to take into accounts new expenditure and significant pay rises etc

All money goes into one account.
If I want to buy something I do. Same for dH.
Sometimes I have earned more than him and other times he’s earned more than me.
Sometimes we’ve only had one wage coming in.
Who pays for things is determined by who’s got the interest free credit card.
Money is one thing we have rarely argued about

Goes in one pot. Bills are payed then whatever is leftover we spend as we like. We’re not bothered who earns more. It’s OUR money.

We still and always have split them 50/50. Even when our incomes have gone up and down.

We share all money. We have 3 child and my maternity leave meant DH was able to advance in his job faster than me. Not fair if he then kept all his extra earnings to himself because I looked after our children.
This is just works for us though, every partnership is different.

Things like our gym memberships, savings, credit card repayments etc are all factored into the budget as well. So there really aren't many surprises.

We both pay exactly half into a bill/mortgage fund, keep exactly the same amount for personal spending, and then whatever is left goes into savings. DH as the higher earner therefore contributes more to savings than me, but day to day life and spending is equally split.

Get married.
Have joint money.
Stop with the his / hers attitude especially before you have kids.

His way of splitting basic living expenses seems reasonable.

If the cost of a dinner bothers you, then refuse to go out for it. I think with optional luxuries, all expenditure has to be voluntary for either party, and negotiated on a case-by-case basis. It shouldn't be assumed you value them equally. (This could be a bigger issue for holidays than it is for meals out.)

I think there is a potential issue with a car, as it's possible to spend a lot more than is strictly necessary. If you don't care about the quality of the car, maybe he should pay for the car himself, and charge the joint account mileage at HMRC rates. That way, if he owns an expensive car, the excess cost comes out of his personal money.

I earn considerably more than DH, so the way we do it is that I pay mortgage, childcare, the sky bill and house insurance. He pays utilities, council tax and the weekly shop. Holidays we pay half each and I buy the majority of the kids bday/xmas gifts but he also helps with these.

That sounds similar to us. I also earn far more than DH. I pay some of the bills and he pays some bills. Neither of us can be doing with calculating what's exactly fair/equal. Tbh, his probably add up to a much bigger proportion of his income than mine do, but then the large deposit for our house all came from me, so I guess it equals out in the end.

Basically though, as long as both partners are happy with the set-up it doesn't matter how you work it out.