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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you split bills when one earns more.

102 replies

nikkylou · 04/09/2018 13:07

We're buying a house. My partner earns about 7k more than me, although I'm hoping to work on this!

He's suggested we each pay a % split into the joint account for out mortgage, bills, etc. So he'd contribute more and me less.

I'd rather pay an equal amount. It's not his fault I'm on less, we have no kids to worry about, and I can't deal with the faff of re-calculating every time one of gets a pay rise, changes job, etc.

I also don't want to justify my spending, feel like I owe something when I'm contributing less.

I get this means I get less disposal income per month, to save or spend.

I suppose this is the aibu bit. We went out for dinner last Friday, when he got paid. He asked if we can go half. I feel a little upset, especially when he spends 300 on cosmetic repairs for his car, that he can't treat me to dinner. There's similar situations. I can get over this!

I suppose I'm a little concerned if I split all the bills half way, he's still not going to consider I have way less disposal income. That situations like the above will be a common occurrence. It's hard to explain what I mean.. I don't care what he spends his money on, but it cuts when he spends big but then tells me he's skint for a Costa or something, and I have to pay for us both.

With that in mind, how do you split your bills / manage disposal income when there is a big pay gap.

P.s. I'm on my lunch break so won't be around long but will check in this evening!

OP posts:
Manycatsandallthegin · 04/09/2018 17:25

We pay 50:50 mortgage but proportion the bills accordingly, so as DH earns more he pays more of the bills

Alwayscommuting · 04/09/2018 17:26

I earn a little more than DH but we split all bills down the middle. I also pay for the car but he can't drive so that's my expense. If he needs lifts etc then I ask him for money towards the petrol.

Morethanthisprovincallife · 04/09/2018 17:27

I hate splitting money like this.

It's much easier if you both contribute to actual going out money each month, to cover all coffee, meals out etc. Something you both put in and when you go out to dinner you use the... Going, out money. If there's non left that month you don't go out. If you spend less one month you have more than the following month.

Then whatever else he spends on won't affect your joint fun money.

I would also do this for holidays etc.

It's marvellous because also you never feel guilty going out... And you know your spending allocated funds..

Moving forward towards marriage and kids... Both need to move to more joint finances...

Morethanthisprovincallife · 04/09/2018 17:29

Oh goodness a fiends mum used to ask for petrol money, my dp happily gave her a lift anywhere it would never cross their minds. My friends dp were really uptight about it.

That was bad enough I just can't imagine asking dh for petrol money or vice versa. It may even have been a deal bracker.

Alwayscommuting · 04/09/2018 17:32

I wouldn't ask anyone other than DH for petrol money but I don't give them lifts that are around 60 mins each way to get him to work when there's a train that does the job just fine. If he would rather have a lift then that's fine but I can't afford to be a taxi service. He's still getting a good deal considering he's 32 and hasn't bothered to learn to drive.

Sleepyblueocean · 04/09/2018 17:40

Joint account which all spending comes from. We also have our own savings accounts with the same amount going into each but still consider that joint money.

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/09/2018 18:19

One account, all money goes in and out of that. Can't be bothered working out percentages!

1sttimeDD · 04/09/2018 18:23

50/50. DH uses just as much water/gas/electricity/food as I do, regardless of him earning less than I do! Even Stevens in our house

Nogoodusername · 04/09/2018 18:40

We have a joint account and individual accounts. All bills, food shopping, kids activities etc come out of the joint account. We both keep the same ‘free personal spending’ amount (so I spend mine on the gym, hair, nails, lunches out etc), and whatever we need to cover our work travel each month (so DH more than me as I only work 3 days, and he is full time), and then transfer everything else into our joint account. DH earns about six times as much as me, so pays in almost six times as much into the joint account. We have done this ever since we lived together - worked out what we needed in our joint account and paid in the according percentage of our income (so at the beginning I probably earned about 40% of our joint income and him 60%, whereas now it is just 17%!!). We are a team, and my salary is affected by part time working while I bring up our children.

Nodancingshoes · 04/09/2018 18:53

Don't do any splitting - even before we had kids - all money is 'ours'. Mortgage and bills are paid - the rest is the family pot

BloodyDisgrace · 04/09/2018 19:05

I think proportional split is better than equal. Then you'd have more income and not resent things like what you mentioned. People tend to take equality too far and literally, possibly also hoping it will give them a higher ground with a partner/make them notice, but the partner still don't give a toss and do the fuck they like. You can't change him but at least you might end up with a bit more cash.

And since you asked: we have separate accounts with proportional split. I "earn" 1/3 (if you can call landladying an earning) of his. In fact, I would be uncomfortable with a joint account, fearing I'm dipping my paw in too much.

bruffin · 04/09/2018 19:06

Been married 27 years. Moneys always been ours, everything in joint names. DH earns 4 tines what i do

Twolittlebears · 04/09/2018 19:13

We use a formula which essentially means a percentage of each of our incomes is paid into joint account each month - this account covers all joint expenses. Then we have our own accounts for whatever we want. We agreed to this formula when we met and I was on peanuts with DH a big earner. Now he's in a lower wage job and I make more. Our formula is still in tact! We plug in our take home earnings and it tells us what to pay in each month. I think it's much fairer than splitting bills 50/50 because of the lack of fun money the lower earner will have.

As for eating out - if we want to do this we agree who pays in advance and if neither can afford then we don't go.

CherryPavlova · 04/09/2018 19:15

My husband earns much more than me. All money is our money. We just buy what we want, when we want without a formal agreement of any sort.

batshitbetty · 04/09/2018 19:16

Joint account for all household bills and expenses (eg cars, food, pet costs, an allowance for meals out etc). We put a % in based on our income, everything else stays in our own accounts.

DP also pays his maintenance out of his own account

Asdf12345 · 04/09/2018 19:16

We put a set (equal) amount into the joint account each month which covers household costs. Other household costs get split 50:50.

One of us has an expensive hobby, the other saves more, though after ten years only has enough in savings to match the other. Financial independence is important, who wants to have to justify everything they spend to their other half?

twiglet · 04/09/2018 19:23

I earn quite a lot more than my DH we do a percentage of income although I only pay £150 more per month as that's all that's required for the bills.
We each keep our individual accounts I generally save a lot of my salary per month. My savings are used for big things such as house renovations. Generally I'll pay 3/4 the cost of holidays, we take it in turns for dinner but he generally pays for the car (as its his but we are down to one as I get the train)

WelcomeToShootingStars · 04/09/2018 19:44

We split the bills proportionate to earnings. We don't have 1 pot, and I don't wish to have joint accounts either.

With things like meals out, whoever suggests it pays.

postcardsfrom · 04/09/2018 19:51

My DP earns 5x my salary. We both keep the same ‘personal’ money back each month in our own accounts and the rest goes in our joint acct for everything else. We are married and have kids.

Original poster
nikkylou · 04/09/2018 19:56

Thank you all for your replies.
Apologies if my OP came across a bit contradictory. I suppose I see the house expenses and disposable income as separate things. I want to contribute an equal share - as PPs has said I still use the same amount! Disposable income however, I suppose I want him to acknowledge he has more to play with and going halves on dinner costs me proportionally more than it costs him. It's a little hard to explain how I feel.

I don't think he's being deliberately being mean. He just doesn't see the discrepancy. He just doesn't see that saying he can't afford to go out for coffee, and if I want it, I'll have to buy it, then spending the conversation talking about the £300 car repairs is somewhat frustrating to hear.

To clarify, we'll be down as joint tenants and plan to get married soon (before children).

Children I expect will be a huge change to how we both consider our monies and I think we'll discuss that closer to the time.

I will have a talk and float some of the great ways on this thread. Some probably won't work for us, at least at the moment.

OP posts:
FlapAttack23 · 04/09/2018 19:58

We both put all.money we earn minus a set smallish amount for us to spend on whatever we want. My husband spends his on greggsd x box games and sky sports and I spend mine on hot chocolate and cakes and hotels to meet up with distant friends now and then!! Other things like clothes, hair cuts, etc come out of our own money.. any non essentials

RoboticSealpup · 04/09/2018 19:58

We don't split anything, we have everything in common. I earn a fraction of DH's income and it would be pretty weird if we arranged our lives around something as arbitrary as the market value of our jobs.

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 04/09/2018 20:01

I earn a lot more and we split the bills so we both have a similar left over although I pay for holidays. We have a joint account but that's only for savings that I put in and we both spend with the agreement of the other.

We have sperate bank accounts that our wages are paid into. When DH wasn't earning, I transferred money to his account to pay for "his" bills (utilities, car, TV). We have never argued about money. We have similar attitudes towards spending and trust each other.

I would never have a joint account and a free for all joint money.

cadburyegg · 04/09/2018 20:05

We have 2 joint accounts and 2 personal accounts. Grin

Our salaries get paid into our retrospective personal accounts. All of this minus £x each (the same amount) is paid into joint account 1. I work out how much would be left over after bills and transfer the remainder to joint account 2. Joint account 2 is for things we need for the kids, days out etc. The £x left in our personal accounts is for our mobile phone bills, any clothes, work lunches etc etc.

DH has a variable income so this is what works best for us.

Talkingfrog · 04/09/2018 20:12

I earn less than dh. He is the grade above me and I am part time (27 hours so not that much less than him at 37 hours).
We each have our own accounts and then pay into a joint account, which pays bills, food, things for our daughter.
We work out what needs to go in the joint account, then decide on a split of who pays what.
We need to review now as bills have changed, his salary will be changing, and I never seem to have as much left at the end of the month, even though he seems to spend more than me. (I suspect this is because I pick things up when shopping and pay cash, when it should come from the joint spending. They may only seem like a few pound, but doing it a few times a day and a few days throughout each week adds up faster than you think).
For things like meals the joint account pays or depending on how much is in the account he pays/ we split it. We factor in other spending too so if he has paid for something else joint I may pay for the meal.