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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you split bills when one earns more.

102 replies

nikkylou · 04/09/2018 13:07

We're buying a house. My partner earns about 7k more than me, although I'm hoping to work on this!

He's suggested we each pay a % split into the joint account for out mortgage, bills, etc. So he'd contribute more and me less.

I'd rather pay an equal amount. It's not his fault I'm on less, we have no kids to worry about, and I can't deal with the faff of re-calculating every time one of gets a pay rise, changes job, etc.

I also don't want to justify my spending, feel like I owe something when I'm contributing less.

I get this means I get less disposal income per month, to save or spend.

I suppose this is the aibu bit. We went out for dinner last Friday, when he got paid. He asked if we can go half. I feel a little upset, especially when he spends 300 on cosmetic repairs for his car, that he can't treat me to dinner. There's similar situations. I can get over this!

I suppose I'm a little concerned if I split all the bills half way, he's still not going to consider I have way less disposal income. That situations like the above will be a common occurrence. It's hard to explain what I mean.. I don't care what he spends his money on, but it cuts when he spends big but then tells me he's skint for a Costa or something, and I have to pay for us both.

With that in mind, how do you split your bills / manage disposal income when there is a big pay gap.

P.s. I'm on my lunch break so won't be around long but will check in this evening!

OP posts:
misspops · 04/09/2018 13:55

DH earns 8 x my salary. He pays the mortgage, council tax and most bills.
I pay for food, the pets, window cleaner, etc etc. If we go out, he normally pays for dinner but I will pay for lunch if we go out during the day.

MeandMoo · 04/09/2018 14:03

Joint Bank Account - even before our Son was born we put all of our Pennies in one pot after being together 2 Years. It made perfect sense when we spent so much time together and Money on each other.
It also then helped once we had Little One with Me being a SAHM then returning just Part Time, we've never had any Finance related issues as a Couple, whoever brings in Money it's ours to share as a Family x

Satsumaeater · 04/09/2018 14:08

I used to earn more than DH so I paid more into the joint account than he did. We now earn about the same, so we put the same in. We share around other expenses such as holidays etc eg we went away last weekend, I paid for flights, he paid for hotel and meals, I have paid for flights and hotel for next trip, he will pay for meals and other expenses.

We then keep the rest of the money for ourselves. So we don't have to justify to the other what we are spending. So if I want to buy clothes, that's my choice. If he wants to buy some geeky device, that's his choice because the bills are paid.

We have the odd thing that comes out of personal accounts eg AA membership and TV licence have always been paid for by DH but I pay for his mobile phone bill due to historic direct debits.

MagentaRocks · 04/09/2018 14:09

All money goes into the joint account. We then have a standing order for the same amount into our own accounts.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/09/2018 14:09

In the past it was all one pot. At the moment we have separate accounts, I earn slightly less. It's a 50/50 split on outgoings in theory but needs adjusting after we renew the mortgage next year. If one of us earned noticeably more than the other we'd pay a percentage for joint outgoings based on income. Going out together is a joint outgoing. We have a separate joint account just for food which helps us keep to a budget.

Birdsgottafly · 04/09/2018 14:15

There was a poster on her with a similar set up to yours at the start of the year.

Her DP was going on holiday without her, because she couldn't afford to go and he wouldn't pay for her, or lend her the money. He went with a mate, instead.

What you both have less, he then views as his and your money, separately, which may not work out long term and won't work well at all, if you plan children.

Fluffyears · 04/09/2018 14:16

Our household bills are 36% of our combined salary (including food shopping budget) so we both pay 36% of our wages into our joint account.

Scotinoz · 04/09/2018 14:17

Husband and I have always just had a joint account. We used to earn roughly the same, but I've been a SAHM since the kids were born. Money goes into account, money is spent, no drama.

ImogenTubbs · 04/09/2018 14:19

When I earned almost twice as much as DH I paid considerably more than him. We split the mortgage down the middle (so we both felt we had contributed equally towards our home) then he paid council tax and cleaner and I paid all other bills, food shopping and childcare. But then we are very open and honest with each other and fortunately have a similar approach to money. We earn about the same these days.

Hillarious · 04/09/2018 14:24

We put all our money into a joint account, and it's then spent by the three DC (21, 19 and 17).

SilverLining10 · 04/09/2018 14:26

My dh earned about 4x than me when were dating. He paid the bigger Bills such as mortgage, utilities, insurance , cars etc. I did the smaller ones, food, helper, odd stuff. We both ended up with similar spending at the end of the month.

When we got married and had DC after we decided that I would be a sahm and we have a joint account which his salary goes into. All expenses are paid and then we just use whatevers left according to what we need. We always discuss big purchases but we really dont monitor each other.

If you both don't have the same quality of life financially then something isnt right. This should be discussed before you commit to a mortgage, marriage etc.

strangelove99 · 04/09/2018 14:34

I earn more than my DH. But we are a team so I don't keep that extra money. I share it with him so that we get the same amount of disposable income each month.

It's not hard to work out. Every 6 months or so I add up our monthly bills, take that from our monthly incomes and split the leftover in half. Sometimes we put a bit more into the joint account, sometimes a bit less depending on fluctuating bills.

Neither of us gets to judge what the other one spends each month but if one of us was always skint by the second week and couldn't go halves on meals out or coffee or something we'd talk about it. We've both done it, had a mad payday spending spree then thought, shit!, I can't afford xyz now but it's not often.

You need to swallow your pride about splitting the bills 50/50. If you're a team you split your joint money fairly.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 04/09/2018 14:52

If the man earns more than the woman he should pay a lot more. If the woman earns more than the man then the bills should be split equally.

M3lon · 04/09/2018 14:56

walking are you on glue?

OP we just have a joint account. The money goes in and we discuss big spends before making them. As it happens, I earn all the money and DH is SAHP to our DD, but we would certainly do the same thing if circumstances were reversed.

alltoomuchrightnow · 04/09/2018 14:58

Walking??!

Pinklittle · 04/09/2018 15:02

We take the same amount each from our salary's for disposable spends per month and then put the rest to bills and savings :) hubby earns a considerable amount more than me so this works for us.

possumgoddess · 04/09/2018 15:07

When my now DH moved in with me we worked out more or less what our living expenses were and he pays that into my account every month. There are a couple of extras he pays for himself because he wants them, like the Sky account, which I'm not bothered about to be honest. We pay for our own car expenses but share the petrol costs, he will pay one time and I will pay the next. I earn more than he does so I will generally pay for holidays, but he will pay for the extra bits like the airport parking and he will exchange sterling for whatever currency we need for spending money. He will quite often pay for a takeaway or other treats and he always buys the gifts for 'his' side of the family and I buy for mine. All in all its pretty equal apart from BIG spending, which he will usually contribute to but I will pay most for, because I have more than he does. (And because it's usually because I want it in the first place - e.g. new furniture etc.). The first thing he does when he gets paid is to transfer the living expenses money into my account, so anything else is extras!

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 04/09/2018 15:14

I have a friends who have been married for 20yrs. He earns 4x as much as her and they split everything and have never had a joint account. She has to save for holidays etc and they splits costs for meals etc. It seems harsh to me as her DH goes off and gets himself what he wants whereas she has to be careful with her money. Whereas my OH and I have 4DC and whilst we don’t have a joint account he earns twice as much as me and therefore contributes more towards the mortgage and other bills. I pay for utilities etc. I can see why your OH wants to do a percentage split based on what your earn. That makes perfect sense to me and then you won’t be worrying about spending money on a coffee

Stompythedinosaur · 04/09/2018 15:15

walking why do you think that? It seems unfair.

Bibidy · 04/09/2018 15:16

OP I think your original post is a bit contradictory.

Your OH has offered you a fair option in order to leave you with more disposable income, which is to pay household costs proportionally to what you earn. I think you'd be a bit silly to turn that down but then continue to be upset that he wants to split things like dinner etc because it leaves you with less money. If you want 50/50, it needs to be 50/50 all round really.

It might also be that your BF doesn't want to pay for everything. As the higher earner in my relationship, I would much prefer that my OH paid proportionally less for household expenses than that he paid 50/50 but I was then on the hook for most (if not all) treats, dinners out, takeaways, cinema tickets etc etc.

If I were you, I'd do the proportional split. I think you'll notice that far less than if one of you has to pay for the majority of other things you do together.

reluctantbrit · 04/09/2018 15:19

We split proportional when we moved together, not married, no kids, renting. Each month end we summarised the excel spreadsheet.

It was my idea, I as fircely determined to stay independent (looking back it was a bad advise from my mom).

After 2 1/2 years I gave up. We just moved and DH earned around 3x what I did, I wold have to count pennies while he was rolling.

18 years later we have still only joined accounts, a mortgage and a teenager. DH still earns 3-4x what I do and I am now part time. Life is too short for thinking about planning who pays a coffee.

Saying that we have a very si,klar approach to money, on the other hand when he buys for his hobby it is £300+ easily but he talks a out it in advance and we calculate it in.

LuItaliana · 04/09/2018 15:26

Everything goes into the joint account, we both have equal access & use it as we please once the bills have gone out, big purchases are always discussed. We also agreed an amount that goes into a (joint) savings account each month. For 2 years I earned about a third more than DH, he now earns about double what I do but we both view all money as 'ours' so have never had any issues

Cloudyapples · 04/09/2018 15:27

We both put x percent of our earnings into a joint account. Works well for us

RomanyRoots · 04/09/2018 15:28

We have never had his and her money, or bothered who earned more than the other.
You're a team so it's all equal and joint money anyway.

Belina · 04/09/2018 15:31

ew! going half is trashy, he either pays or you.
I'm so grateful for my partner he would never allow me to pay because he earns way more than me