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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is bf?

134 replies

hooveringhamabeads · 03/09/2018 22:31

Earlier this evening I had to drop my teenage child at her friend’s place which is an hour’s round trip. Dd2 who is 8 didn’t want to come. My bf, who doesn’t live with us but is staying for a few days as he’s waiting to move into his new place, had gone out for ‘a quick pint’ about 45 mins earlier.

I called him to ask if he was coming back soon as dd2 didn’t want to come with me. He said he was finishing his pint then he’d be back, so I was thinking 10 mins or so. Dd2 is very sensible, and was glued to her iPad, so I wasn’t worried about her being alone for this long (she has been before if I pop to the shop/take the dog down the road etc). I made it clear that the reason I was asking was because dd2 wanted to stay at home, and while she’d be fine for a few minutes I didn’t want to leave her for an hour +. Also discussed dinner arrangements during the phone call, and I said I’d pick up a takeaway on the way back (which would add more time on to the trip).

So I called him as I was nearly home to let him know I was nearly back, and he asked if I could pick him up from the pub on the way back. The phone then cut out, and I was fuming that for the last almost hour and a half dd2 had been on her own.

He got in the car and I was pissed off so had a go at him for saying he would be coming home in a few minutes, then leaving dd2 alone all that time. His excuse was that he had been having an interesting political debate with a friend and one pint had turned into 3 Confused.

A couple of minutes later as we got home and the argument continued, he snapped at me that ‘the kids are YOUR responsibility’. I am very well aware that they are my children, not his, but if I asked someone I love and thought I could trust to look after them, and he said yes, then that temporarily moves the responsibility to him.

Still angry many hours later. IABU?

OP posts:
hooveringhamabeads · 03/09/2018 23:17

Front door was locked. Back door unlocked in case of emergency, but the back door is impossible to access to anyone other than immediate neighbours, who I know well and trust. And even then they’d have to climb over a fence.

OP posts:
IdahoJones · 03/09/2018 23:17

I'd think about ending it. You deserve a lot better. You sound really nice.

pumpkinpie01 · 03/09/2018 23:17

Do you think he felt embarrassed having to explain to his mate why he needed to go so just decided not to and is then pretending to have forgotten the conversation with you about the timings ? If so he could be a bit too immature for a relationship where kids are involved .

garethsouthgatesmrs · 03/09/2018 23:18

ZeroFuchsGiven I assume she didn't think he was pissed up. The OP doesn't say he was drunk.

Also some people do leave an 8 year old it's not a crime. She was leaving her for a few minutes, the amount of time it would take to have a shower or put the washing out.

I would not be able to stay with someone who did this to my child. I hope you DD was OK.

hooveringhamabeads · 03/09/2018 23:19

No he wouldn’t be at all embarrassed about saying he needed to go and look after my dd. He’s not the easily embarrassed type. He just forgot.

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 03/09/2018 23:19

I wouldn't have left until he got back, it was all too vague. Also how long have you been together?

pumpkinpie01 · 03/09/2018 23:19

Sorry have just seen he has a 22 yr old daughter so he can’t be that immature !

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/09/2018 23:21

I think I’d want to end it. He’s unreliable and doesn’t respect you/care much for your daughter.

hooveringhamabeads · 03/09/2018 23:21

No he’s no spring chicken.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 03/09/2018 23:22

Dont fetch his daughter - she's a grown up - he can fetch her if he wants to.

Toughen up and stop being a mug

MrsStrowman · 03/09/2018 23:22

@pumpkinpie01 he can be that immature, he's just old enough for his age not to be an excuse for his immaturity 😁

Narnia72 · 03/09/2018 23:22

I'd be tempted to ask him if the your child rule applied to his children too, and whether he'd be driving the 3 hours to pick up his daughter tomorrow, cause, well "your child your responsibility".

What an arse. I certainly would be thinking twice about this relationship.

lifebegins50 · 03/09/2018 23:22

Horrible attitude from him, feels like he had no intention of leaving as his comment "they are your responsibility" reveals his true attitude...funny that he is happy to be a team when it suits him and share your house but not help you out, especially when it concerns a young child.
If it was work that delayed him it would be more understandable

chasinggarlic · 03/09/2018 23:25

Oh wow.

  1. 8yo doesn't get to call the shots. If you have to do something and they don't want to come along, tough shit.
  1. If you arrange for someone to look after your DC you wait for them to arrive before you leave the house.

Your BF sounds a bit of a dick, but you are no better.

Hateloggingin · 03/09/2018 23:25

He’s a complete twat but I would not have left my dd until he had arrived home. My dd is 8 and there’s no way I would have left her.

Returnofthesmileybar · 03/09/2018 23:27

Yanbu, I would have been mad but at the point he said YOUR responsibility I would have said "you know what's not my responsibility? Housing you you cheeky fucker, off you fuck"

Returnofthesmileybar · 03/09/2018 23:28

And I would definitely be forgetting any journey to collect his child tomorrow

hooveringhamabeads · 03/09/2018 23:31

I will pick his daughter up tomorrow as we have become good friends, and I’m not an arsehole. I won’t take the fact he’s been a dickhead out on her.

OP posts:
GooseFartingInTheFog · 03/09/2018 23:32

"you know what's not my responsibility? Housing you you cheeky fucker, off you fuck"

This 100%

Particularly the “off you fuck” part which made me laugh out loud and scare my almost asleep husband next to me

daffodillament · 03/09/2018 23:32

Well I think you should have waited until he was back until you went out not leave child alone and just trusted your boyfriend would be home soon after you'd gone. Sorry, your child, your responsibility. Yes, he was totally thoughtless but YOU left your child alone for an hour and a half.. and still picked him up from pub before going home to your daughter ! Fucking hell !

BewareOfDragons · 03/09/2018 23:33

He left your 8 year old alone so he could drink and chat. Your 8 year old. And that got angry with you for being angry.

This isn't the man for you. You have children. He isn't interested in them in the slightest and has just told you they are entirely your responsibility, even when he said he'd be there. You and your children deserve better.

I'd kick him out in the morning. Tell him to take his things and go home.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/09/2018 23:35

He did not forget.

He is a twat to say that to you. You’ve only been together a year. Don’t live together. I would end it.

hooveringhamabeads · 03/09/2018 23:35

i Didn’t go out of my way to pick him up, I literally had to drive past the pub on the way home.

OP posts:
daffodillament · 03/09/2018 23:36

2. If you arrange for someone to look after your DC you wait for them to arrive before you leave the house.
This

fruitbrewhaha · 03/09/2018 23:36

I own a pub and if i got a £1 for every bloke I had heard saying into a phone "just leaving in a minute", and then saying "put another half in there for me" I'd be, well, quite well off actually. Drink does make people unreliable.

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