To not need to help 15 year old get ready for school?

[VinnyA]

AIBU to leave 15 year old to sort everything she needs for school? Year 11. I expect her to be okay putting her uniform in for wash and making sure it's ready, same for PE kit. To sort her own lunch and bag. To make breakfast, etc.

Apparently this is "a bit neglectful and sad"

Who says it is neglectful and sad??
She can do it ( I would double check though) particularly the lunch.

I'd think you'd been neglectful in your parenting duties if you hadn't taught her to look after herself by 15!

First day back you should make breakfast imo!!
Then self sufficient!!

Assuming she’s been taught what to do and why, and how to plan / think through what she needs for the day, I think this is good parenting - you’re giving her a chance to develop responsibility, to practice skills, and to learn about consequences for actions.

If she doesn’t learn to do this, what will she do when she doesn’t live with you?

I think it is totally acceptable for a 15 year old to manage their own school things. My 15 and 13 year old both get themselves up, dressed and ready to leave on time. I am beginning the process of teaching my 11 year old/year 7 starter to do the same.

Sounds good to me, my only worry (from experience) is whether they will get out of bed on time.

I was getting up and going to school before my parents had made it out of bed at that age. Now that's sad!

Helping them become independent is your job as a parent, you're not still dressing him! Essential life skills

At 13 years old I was getting myself and my younger siblings up for school, sorting breakfast and lunch boxes and walking them to school (before running to my school at the opposite side of town) as my single mum worked from 3am.

At 14 years old I did my own laundry.

It's neglectful not to teach your kids to be self sufficient and I say this as someone whose watched her older sister not teach her children these tasks and now has an 18 year old on her hands who can't even work a microwave let alone a washing machine and whose ex husband STILL comes in every morning to get her 18 and 14 year old children out of bed in the morning for school/college.

It’s important to teach teens to get up on their own and manage their own time, it’s good training for when they get into an employment.
If your DD was little I’d say differently, but at 15 you can set an alarm and hop out of bed!

You're not in the least unreasonable. She is fifteen, not five.

Nope, same thing happening here with dd of the same age. How on Earth are they going to cope as adults otherwise? 15 is perfectly old enough to start doing these things!

That is more than fair.

The neglectful parents are the ones who don’t instil life skills and independence in their teenagers and end up with incapable adults.

Whilst at uni I encountered:
Someone who though you filled the washing machine with water
Someone who couldn’t even make toast
Someone who didn’t know how to clean

Absolutely fine. My 14 year old has been pretty much self sufficient in that respect for 3/4 years.

We occasionally have a where’s my trousers drama but she’s gets herself up, fed, dressed and off to school with no intervention.

I occasionally make a cooked breakfast or French toast if I know she's going to have a long day (she doesn't eat much) but apart from that she gets herself ready

I am currently running a weeks induction for our 16 new apprentices.

There are 2 (that a so lovely) but I can already tell that they are going to struggle in the world of work.

It's not hard to guess why - both were dropped off and picked up by their Mums, both had a packed lunch made for them. One of their Mums wanted to meet me before the induction (hell no to that, I'm too busy with 16 new members of staff). Neither of them know how to iron. They are both worried about getting up on time for the coach tomorrow morning.

I could strangle some parents for neglecting to teach their children how to live in the real world.

Aw that's a bit mean. I'm 52 and I worry about getting up in time occasionally!

I do think it's a good idea to teach independence but it'd be nice to get up with her, and have breakfast together.

I used to love eating breakfast with my mum as a teen. She totally spoiled me and cooked all my meals and washed my clothes - but really the bit that I loved was her company. We were very close until she passed away when I was 25.

DS is 20 and well able to look after himself and gets himself ready. He still likes a "have you got...…." in the mornings.

I guess the person criticising you is doing fuck all? Usually is the case.

YANBU

Dd1 was doing that from 14! I was a busy working SP and we had to pull together. She is very independent at 23.

Gees, I wake my 13 year old up and he does the rest himself. I do make sure the uniforms are washed but that’s about it.

I'm sure she's capable of getting herself ready for school so it's not neglectful to expect her to do it. However, if you are around in the morning and making breakfast and lunch for yourself it would be 'nice' if you did some of it for her, especially if she needs to leave early. My dd leaves the house at 7.40 for the bus every morning- I usually get up and make us both breakfast and we eat it together before she leaves as I know she would struggle for time otherwise and might skip it and I don't want he to ave to get up any earlier than she does.

My 12 year old is an early riser and will be up and dressed, had breakfast, and made breakfast for her 3 yr old brother by 6.30am.

She makes her own packed lunch and sorts her school stuff. I still double check she's got everything, but doing everything for your dcs does them no favours in the long run.

My 13YO went to M&S and bought all her uniform on her own today!

Been doing this since I was 9 and I was a latchkey kid - do I win the MN equivalent of the four Yorkshire men sketch or do some people want to come and compete with me?

(This is true and I’m not even 30!)