To not need to help 15 year old get ready for school?

[VinnyA]

AIBU to leave 15 year old to sort everything she needs for school? Year 11. I expect her to be okay putting her uniform in for wash and making sure it's ready, same for PE kit. To sort her own lunch and bag. To make breakfast, etc.

Apparently this is "a bit neglectful and sad"

Assuming your child is NT and that you haven't done every little thing for your child then you suddenly stop with no warning it sounds fine to me. It's a washing machine, it's simpler than a computer and teenagers are fine with them at the rest of it isn't exactly challenging either.

twoshedsjackson sounds pretty standard, we used to get a uniform list and you could either get a bus to the outfitters and charge to your parents school account or wait until the outfitters regular visits to the school laundry room and order there. The school had a lot of boarders so these systems were needed. So I'd say no CF behaviour on his part!

I did all of those things for myself by that time!

Why is this thread focussing on getting bags packed and breakfast, the issue is the OP being a CF and wanting a 15yr old to get her own school washing done

Did you read the OP? She talks about bag packing and breakfast as well as washing

Not sure why you object to kids doing their own washing. I can remove washing from basket, take downstairs, shove in machine, add tablet and select wash programme in under 60 seconds. It's not exactly hours of hard labour with a mangle.

When I hit 16 I was shown how to use the washing machine and was expected to use it. This was because I was incredibly messy and my clothes would pile up and my mum wasn’t dealing with that nonsense. The only thing she would iron for me was my school shirts as they were tricky. The rest was up to me.

I guess the difference lies in whether you are showing an interest - yes she’s capable of doing all those things, and it’s not unreasonable to expect it, but it would be a bit mean and sad to be completely disinterested in the fact she’s returning to school.

Of course, it’s possible for her to do all those things and for you to show an interest, and there’s no way of us knowing which way you fall!

My kids did their own lunches from 5 (with me checking). They have done their own laundry since 11. They are responsible for bedding and towels themselves from 11. They have cooked since they were 3 (toast with supervision) and family meals since 13. I am not raising children. I want my adult children to be adults. I haven't bought a phone or credit for one since they reached 14, they want one they sort it out.

Not unreasonable to think she can do it, however I do those things for my DD who's 14.
I work hours so am home in the morning then just after she gets home (much travelling on the school bus for her).
I do also have 3 adult DS's who had me doing those things for them too and they've managed to turn out able to live independently.
So I think do teach them how to be able to look after themselves but equally so if you're up anyway making breakfast or doing laundry why wouldn't you do theirs?

Your OP just makes you sound mean and spiteful and like you’re trying to make her feel bad :( she’s 15. I am so damaged by my mum taking that sneery ‘why can’t you just be better’ attitude.

Hopefully that isn’t the case and this is just one off frustration. Be supportive, that’s your role.

NeverKeepAName why on earth is the OP "being a cheeky fucker" by expecting her 15 year old to do laundry? That's not what cheeky fucker means

The OP would be a cheeky fucker if she dumped her washing on her mum (without some exceptional circumstances such as broken machine and chronic illness) or her neighbour, or if she expected her daughter to do all the household laundry (without the DD having agreed to do so in return for payment instead of a Saturday job).

I did all my laundry from age 14 when I started (slightly late) to care about clothes and the fact my mother apparently boil washed and hot tumble dryed all my clothes, shrinking everything ...

People talking about "making" breakfast - are you doing a full English every morning?

Toast/ cereal isn't "making" anything and it's easier to help yourself than have someone do it for you, especially in a big family where one person making ten + rounds of toast would lead to people getting cold toast and soggy cereal...

Many kids leave too early to stomach cooked breakfast before leaving for school.

I work with people who still live at home (totally normal at our age early 20s) but their parents still make their lunch...

Good habit to get them into as I also know people who spend £30-40 a week on take out lunch

Although I agree you should wash and iron (or other parent) as it just makes more sense to lump all the clothes together and she's still young enough to forget sometimes and have a meltdown

People talking about "making" breakfast - are you doing a full English every morning?

No, I make pancakes often, with blueberries, French toast or poached eggs on toast. I make it for all three dcs (12,15,18)and we all sit round and eat together and chat. May not be everyone's cup of tea but we enjoy it. We do this three or four times a week .

Although I think that a 15 year old can get themselves ready for school I don't subscribe to the view that if you don't do your own washing/ ironing/ making pack lunch/ cleaning house etc at the age of 15 you will be doomed to be an incapable adult. These aren't exactly highly skilled or complex task are they?

For various reasons, I never did any washing until I was 22+ but soon picked it up. Today it would be even easier as you could watch no end of You Tube vids of how to do it.

Do people really expect family members to do their own loads of washing? Seems oddly inefficient...

DH and I do the washing as and when, mostly me as I’m currently on mat leave.

My DS is 5 and I’ll teach him how to do it when he’s old enough - currently working on dishwasher loading - but as long as he lives here his washing is part of ‘family’ laundry.

My 15yo will be driving herself to school tomorrow.

//yikes//

A parent should have taught a 15 year old to be independent by that age I think.. As I am an oldie it was always the done thing to be able to look after yourself at 14.or 15,, and especially as i left school at 15,, and two weeks later. was starting work in an office job.

My seven year old will get up, get dressed and make breakfast for her sister and I and then do hair teeth etc. (Not every day but she’s perfectly capable). My nine year old will get up sort herself out, get my god daughter nappy changed and dressed and give her breakfast. Neither of them have to do these things but they do it as they want to. So no, you are not being unreasonable xx

She should be able to sort herself out at that age but its ok to be a bit kind and help rather than make it a point of principle.

Another here who says YANBU. My 14 year old has been sorting herself out in the morning since she was about 10 or 11.

I am trying to teach DS (14) to be independent but my mum thinks I am too hard on him because he is a child. She expects me to do everything for DS.

I had one who was all over it at this age and one who would not have made it to school at all if we had not heavily managed the situation. Same parenting, just different kids with different brains who got it together at different points. So depends on the child,

Doing own laundry individually is not always efficient, depending on the household. It often makes more sense for laundry to be done together. However, a 15yo should be doing their share of this work.