To not need to help 15 year old get ready for school?

[VinnyA]

AIBU to leave 15 year old to sort everything she needs for school? Year 11. I expect her to be okay putting her uniform in for wash and making sure it's ready, same for PE kit. To sort her own lunch and bag. To make breakfast, etc.

Apparently this is "a bit neglectful and sad"

Plus- I enjoy getting up with her and talking about the day ahead.

I don’t think mum did that for me past about ten, my brother has autism and LD and was her priority in the mornings.

YANBU.

Kids these days can be so lazy at times. Being able to do your own laundry is part of life skills.

My sons were getting themselves up, breakfast and ready to go at 10/11. Not making lunch as they had FSM, but they like to get up early and have some free time.

I mostly expect all my kids to do that, and the youngest is 7 ... However nobody's staying in bed, one parent will have left for work before 6am and the other will be home and up and downstairs. They just are fairly self sufficient.

I do make their packed lunches because I make DH's and I couldn't refuse to make theirs when I make one for a perfectly capable adult.

Sometimes DD chooses to make her own when she's feeling proactive or more often when she wants to prepare herself something fancy with nine million components - she's welcome to do that and if she asks in advance I'll buy the components, but when I make them everyone (DH and all 3 kids) gets the same.

The kids all put their dirty clothes in the wash and sort out clothes for the morning the night before, and remember their own sports kit, even the 7 year old. However we are non uniform which is far easier as no specific items have to be clean, they just choose from what they have clean, both to wear to school and as sports kit.

I agree with everyone saying that if a neuro typical 15 year old cannot do the things that you list it is sad and the parents have been neglectful in failing to teach life skills.

The entire mission of parenting is to launch an independent, self motivated, capable, socially useful well balanced adult, or as independent, self motivated, capable and well balanced as is possible where they have more than the average challenges in any way. If that project isn't well under way by age 15 the parents have been negligent.

I'm team '15 not 5'.
All of that is reasonable for a teenager.

That said, if you were up and around then I don't see why you wouldn't (for example) pour her an orange juice if you're doing yours. Etc.

I think you'd be neglectful to not be doing something along those lines tbh.

I don't understand households where everyone does their own laundry it seems very inefficient, but the lunch, bag and breakfast are fine.

It’s not unreasonable to expect she can. I could. I expect she can too - does she just need some extra TLC right now because there are changes in expectations with starting GCSE year at school?

I could also organise all my own homework, revision, work experience, uni applications, cook dinner, clean etc. I like being independent but sometimes I would have liked to feel a bit looked-after, if you know what I mean. Just for someone to have time to care how I was doing and be interested in helping out.

My Mum left for work before I even woke up in the morning. She tried to get me up before she left just in case I didn't wake up in time but she never could.

So I'd get up myself after she left and get myself ready for school and then off I went for the bus. I was doing that from 14.

Yes and no. Yes, they are pectfectly capable about getting themselves ready, but a gentle ‘have you done this, or got that’ doesn’t do any harm. I don’t mind admitting that my dcs would put their school stuff in the wash, but I would wash, and., shock horror, iron it. I also made the pack lunches because if I was doing my own, it’s as easy to do three. It’s not to say they can’t do it - when I had an op they did it all - but there’s no harm in supporting them also.

VERY UNREASONABLE OP at 15 they should give you the dirty washing but you should wash and dry it in good time for the next wear. Don't be a b**y mother be a supportive one. It doesn't matter what we did back in the day, this is her life right now and your attitude towards supporting her. Lunch should be ensuring there is money on her lunch card account Don't be horrible, they are only 15 once and GCSE year is serious the pressure is on.

Soon as they started Yr 7 my DCs got themselves up on time, washed (showered night before), own breakfast ready, bag packed and out the door to catch the bus. I rarely saw them before they left for school.

I remember having a boyfriend at 6th form whose Mum woke him up with a cup of tea, made his breakfast for him and drove him to his (very close) bus stop. I know this because I stayed over and have always remembered thinking - wow his life is so easy no wonder he’s going to med school. And now he is a doctor. So I don’t think it necessarily robs teenagers of the ability to achieve functioning adulthood it just makes a lot of unnecessary work for yourself.

He took and still takes a lot of drugs mind you so maybe I can attribute that recklessness to knowing his mum will sort him out, something I never had the luxury of.

I’m too much of a control freak not to ask if they have xyz, even though 98% of the time it’s an eye roll ‘yyyeressss’ 🤪 and the other 2% isn’t life changing 😂😆

At 15 I’d happily leave the house before them and expect them to be at school, on time, with everything they need. But if I was home I’d be up and ‘around’ with them even if I wasn’t up at —bloody— 5:30 anyway. Unless a parent is ill or works nights etc, I think is pretty miserable to stay in bed when they’re up getting ready for school. (But I’m not sure that’s what you mean?!)

I think I need to get a new parenting manual. My dc, aged 12,10 and 7 have been getting their own breakfasts on school mornings for ages and dc7 has been shown how to sort her packed lunch out ready for her first day without school dinners tomorrow. I thought I’d been really caring by writing her list so she doesn’t forget anything. Hey ho, she was excited about it and can’t wait to be able to choose her own crisps in the morning.

I have made several breakfasts in bed for them these past few weeks, so I’m not all bad.

I gave mine a list on whatsapp (both 16 yo boys) and they have got everything ready from that. I think that's fair. I will text them though to make sure they are up.

I did all of that stuff from when I started secondary school at 11. Then cycled to the station and caught the train to school at 7.30 am.

I think it is neglectful and actually quite cruel to make children think they are incapable of basic simple tasks. An awful lot of self worth and confidence comes from knowing you are not dependent on others and can get by perfectly well on your own intitiative. And fifteen is plenty old enough to do those things (assuming no extra needs obv.)

My teenage cousin took the "sorting out uniform for himself" one step further.....He got a scholarship to an independent school which had one supplier for the (very specific) uniform. He was informed by teaching staff that another item of uniform (sports related I think) would be required for the summer term. So he went home via said emporium, selected said uniform item, and asked to have it charged to his father's account; the first my uncle knew was when the bill arrived. To this day, I can't decide whether he was supremely independent and confident, or a CF of the highest order. Probably both. Personally, I couldn't have faced the shop staff so boldly - or indeed my mum!

Why is this thread focussing on getting bags packed and breakfast, the issue is the OP being a CF and wanting a 15yr old to get her own school washing done

I'm struggling to understand what is wrong with teenagers doing their own washing? Still plenty of time to have fun and be a kid alongside slinging a quick load in the machine and hanging it out after....

Mine don't do their own washing... they get involved with anything that has found it's way into the laundry basket... they do everyone's laundry... sometimes they cook dinner too....

It's a team effort. Hopefully they will make half decent partners one day....

They are still massively privileged and get plenty of time to enjoy themselves in spite of contributing to the household.

At 14 I was getting myself and and 4 year old sister ready for school and dropping her off so my parents could leave to start work at 6am! I was sorting myself out from age 11.

I think once you are in high school you are more than capable of sorting yourself out.

Washed and ironed my own uniform from about age 12/13 too. My parents were too busy working so I learnt to do it myself.

I don't let anyone near the washing unless they are desperate

I'm not sure about the efficiency.of everyone doing their own washing, especially if there's a load on every day. My dad (sometimes mum) would just say each day bring down any laundry and bung it in (delicates etc kept separate for their own wash), last person to do it would put the machine on, then one of us would hang it or put it in the dryer. You're a family not a house share. At 15 she is capable of making her own lunch, getting herself and her things ready and out to school on time, I'd probably give her a shout if I couldn't hear movement five minutes or so after she needed to be up. I don't think it's nice to stay in bed though, get up make tea/breakfast even if she grabs what she wants from the fridge and joins you at the table, I'd often only have cereal or yoghurt and fruit at that age so no prep needed, it's just more supportive than having a lie in while she rushes around getting ready.