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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was a bitch?!

123 replies

Sugarplumdinosaur · 03/09/2018 10:15

So last week I was sitting in the waiting room of my daughter dance class, along with several of the other mums. They were all having a discussion around one of the children, whose birthday party had been held the weekend before. I am reasonably friendly with these mums when I see them each week, and my child gets on well with theirs. They were talking about all the "cool" presents the birthday child recieved, when the mum of the birthday child turned to me and said "oh and thanks so much for your gift (childs name) just loved it". I looked at her blankly and replied "I didn't know there was a party, we weren't there?"... awkward silence then she laughed and said "Oh thats right you weren't invited " before turning her back to me and continuing her talk with the other mums.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that was a bitchy thing to do? It felt like she set the conversation up to go that way, or do you think I am perhaps being too sensitive and perhaps she just felt embarrassed?

OP posts:
eggstoast · 03/09/2018 12:08

Nona well you kind of will know, because if she was equally as embarrassed as the OP and didn't know what to say, then she will likely try to make amends or apologise once the dust settles.

But agree that op shouldn't let it get to her, if you start getting frosty then you might escalate something that was innocent into something more unpleasant.

PawneeParksDept · 03/09/2018 12:15

A shining example of many women I've come across who haven't moved on from Year 9.

Completely blank her in future OP

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 03/09/2018 12:17

some women are just bitches, esp regarding this kind of stuff.
Once my children were invited to a party that involved us taking 4 buses to get there and back, I didn't have much spare money, bought a cheap toy for the birthday boy.

Mother asked me what I had brought, so that BB could write a tahnk you note, and I said 'oh the toy soldiers' and she said 'oh the toy soldiers, I see', in a really sarcastic voice and guess what tehre was no thank you note.

People are nasty and their small children bring out the worst in them.

It was shortly after that that she started ignoring me completely..

Lynne1Cat · 03/09/2018 12:32

She sounds a horrible fucker

NonaGrey · 03/09/2018 12:38

eggs the OP might well get to know but my point was that however long we debate the Party Mum’s intentions here we (MNers) won’t know.

AlmaGeddon · 03/09/2018 12:41

I would say it puts her a a bad light , not you. I would just let it go as you don't Know the intention.

Sparklesocks · 03/09/2018 12:42

Women like this are usually miserable in other aspects of their life so feel the need to put other people down/make other people feel small to get their kicks or feel power. Happy, confident and assured people don’t need to pull such stunts.
Write her off as a sad, miserable cow and keep your head up. Don’t let her pull you down to her sad level.

LittleBookofCalm · 03/09/2018 12:53

where do some mumsnetters meet these bitches!

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 03/09/2018 12:55

I think she would have known if you weren't invited actually. I did think it could have been an accident but clearly she is just a twat of the highest order.

staydazzling · 03/09/2018 13:03

oh my god what a horrible bitch is she like 10 yrs old??? Shock

WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave · 03/09/2018 13:40

Well unless all those women are sheep and desperate, the mum's attitude would be enough to warn them off.

If she genuinely made a mistake she would have sincerely apologised. She did not. So whichever way, she isn't a very pleasant person and if i saw someone doing it then i would stay clear. It says more about her then you and shows it.

MrsChollySawcutt · 03/09/2018 13:52

I really don't understand all the posts saying the woman set the OP up to make her look bad.

The only person who came out badly from this exchange was the woman who thanked OP for the present that never was.

She made herself look foolish a) for not recalling that OPs child was not invited and b) for being so false as to lie that her child 'loved' the present that didn't even exist. She was caught out and showed herself up. Why would she want the others there to think she was false and a liar? Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2018 13:54

FourFriedChickens this is awful, and just says a lot about that mother. What kind of message is she teaching her children. Nasty kids grow up into nasty adults like her.

Juells · 03/09/2018 13:55

The only person who came out badly from this exchange was the woman who thanked OP for the present that never was.

She underlined the fact that only the select chosen ones were invited to the party. Made herself 'special' and suck-up-able to.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2018 13:55

Yes MrsCholly she ended up with egg on her face, its good that op does not want to be a part of that group anyway, I personally would think the same as you.

billybagpuss · 03/09/2018 14:27

Hope you're feeling ok OP and not letting it get to you.

Its actually quite funny, she's shown herself up in front of the other mums whatever her original intention.

If it was a genuine mistake, she made herself look stupid.

If it was deliberate, she really made herself look stupid and incredibly immature.

and at least 1 mum picked up on it, it won't be too long before she's the subject of behind her back gossip.

EssentialHummus · 03/09/2018 14:35

Terrible. You've come out of this just fine OP, please don't worry about that. My take on it is that she panicked in the moment and instead of internally going, Ah, fuck, she wasn't invited, just turning the Bitch-o-Meter up to 11 and lashing out at you. Still doesn't excuse it, mind.

NonaGrey · 03/09/2018 14:39

She underlined the fact that only the select chosen ones were invited to the party. Made herself 'special' and suck-up-able to

But that’s not what anyone one here has said they would think would think if they witnessed the exchange Juells, it’s not what you would think either.

So who “sucks up” to someone who hasn’t the wit to remember who they invited to their child’s party and is insincere enough to lie about a present?

And who makes themselves feel special through embarrassing social faux pas?

Juells · 03/09/2018 15:21

And who makes themselves feel special through embarrassing social faux pas?

You're looking at this through the eyes of a pleasant, nice person. Bullies collect sycophants around them, either because the hangers-on want to be part of the in crowd or because they don't want to be the next target.

MrsChollySawcutt · 03/09/2018 15:25

Juells that's a really unusual set of behaviours you are applying to the OPs situation. These are grown women, not the cast of Mean Girls.

eggstoast · 03/09/2018 15:41

juells you are looking at this through your own experience.
If the women did it deliberately to cause hurt, then yes she is a clearly an unpleasant women.
Admittedly if she did it to me my initial reaction would be hurt that my child had not been invited and hurt that she was seemingly trying to rub my nose in it.

But.. when you take the emotion out and look at it objectively there is an equal chance that it was a foot in mouth moment for the women and she felt just as embarrassed as the op. You just don’t know at this stage. Op will find out soon enough.
I do think the best way to deal with these kind of situations is not to react emotionally and engage in more passive aggressive behaviour. These kind of people thrive on it and it will add more fuel to fire ‘ oh look at the op, she’s so stuck up she’s blanking us’ and so on. Just keep you head up and be polite op, you’ve called her out albeit unintentionally, so she’s less likely to pull another stunt like that.

Juells · 03/09/2018 15:47

You're all probably right, that I'm reading more into it than there is.

MrsFezziwig · 03/09/2018 15:49

There’s some projecting on this thread! As one sensible poster said, if we debate until the cows come home we don’t actually know party mum’s motivation (most likely mouth working faster than brain).

While I wouldn’t say I am naive (but I am quite lazy and being professionally offended must be so exhausting), I generally prefer to think the best of people, so I would tend to think that she got confused as to which girls were which and then tried to cover up her stupidity by going on the attack. OP hasn’t said that she has had any previous issues with her. If it happened again next week, of course, that would be an entirely different matter.

MrsFezziwig · 03/09/2018 15:50

X-post eggstoast!

Failingat40 · 03/09/2018 17:02

I'm with @Juells

she laughed and said "Oh thats right you weren't invited " before turning her back to me

^ This remark and the body language which went with it tells me everything I need to think it was 100% deliberate.