Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think this woman was a bitch?!

123 replies

Sugarplumdinosaur · 03/09/2018 10:15

So last week I was sitting in the waiting room of my daughter dance class, along with several of the other mums. They were all having a discussion around one of the children, whose birthday party had been held the weekend before. I am reasonably friendly with these mums when I see them each week, and my child gets on well with theirs. They were talking about all the "cool" presents the birthday child recieved, when the mum of the birthday child turned to me and said "oh and thanks so much for your gift (childs name) just loved it". I looked at her blankly and replied "I didn't know there was a party, we weren't there?"... awkward silence then she laughed and said "Oh thats right you weren't invited " before turning her back to me and continuing her talk with the other mums.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that was a bitchy thing to do? It felt like she set the conversation up to go that way, or do you think I am perhaps being too sensitive and perhaps she just felt embarrassed?

OP posts:

pudcat · 03/09/2018 10:42

Sounds like she set it up to humiliate you. I presume she said gift and not the actual item. Have nothing to do with her or her clique.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/09/2018 10:42

Yes she is a bitch! Some woman just don’t grow out of being that bitchy girl from school tbh

If it had been a genuine mistake she would of been said “ever so sorry thought you were x” because you would be embarrassed

sue51 · 03/09/2018 10:43

Could have been a genuine mistake on her behalf and she turned away because she was mortified. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt this once but if anything else similar happened, I would call her out for her behaviour.

BiddyPop · 03/09/2018 10:44

I don't think you were rude in the least. IN fact, well done on your response!

You weren't invited, you weren't aware there was a party. It wasn't a rude answer to her observation, just factual. The silence was probably shock on her part that someone had called her out on it (without calling her out, just by being factual).

I really wouldn't worry about being rude - it appears from the way you have told us that the only person who was rude in that situation was the party Mum.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2018 10:44

Yup. Bitch. All day long.

I'd assume there was a reason your child wasn't invited also. I'd suspect mummy bear doesn't like you.

AnEPleaseBob · 03/09/2018 10:45

I don't think she was nearly as rude as the responses on here about her. Some of you want to look at yourselves, pots and kettles everywhere.

BiddyPop · 03/09/2018 10:45

Sorry, I think I'm trying to say that it seems she set out to humiliate you, but instead you were not humiliated by her observation and turned it back neatly on her, even if that was unintentional.

So well done!

greendale17 · 03/09/2018 10:46

You do realise that she said it on purpose to humiliate you?

Don't make excuses for her, I can 100% guarantee it was deliberate and no, she didn't feel embarrassed because she's a rude cow who engineered the whole conversation to make you feel bad.

^This. What a nasty woman.

ChasedByBees · 03/09/2018 10:49

Did you see the other mums reactions? I’d have been horrified to become ‘complicit’ in that.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 03/09/2018 10:51

Did you give her child a gift?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/09/2018 10:52

YANBU.
I'm just wondering when she's 12. Mind you then again most 12 year olds don't behave like that.

ChikiTIKI · 03/09/2018 10:52

Wow! Yes that woman was "showing her arse" as you might say, definitely!!

MiniCooperLover · 03/09/2018 10:54

That mum knew exactly what she was doing, she wasn't embarrassed in the slightest and was probably really annoyed you didn't seem to be showing any signs of being bothered.

Failingat40 · 03/09/2018 10:54

It sounds deliberate tbh. She did it to 'put you in your place'. I have encountered women like her before, in the workplace though but this behaviour is to divide and exclude.

The only other answer you could possibly have said was "What present?". I wonder what her answer would have been to that since she was being specific about her daughter 'loving it'. Loving what??

Stupid cow.

And wtf to the other mums allowing her to treat you like that! What goes through these women's heads???

CloudCaptain · 03/09/2018 10:55

So what did the other mums say and what did you say?

CornishMaid1 · 03/09/2018 10:55

If she was sorry and embarrassed she would have probably said so. To say it in the way you have worded it it does sound as though she said it deliberately to embarrass you.

Original poster

Sugarplumdinosaur · 03/09/2018 10:56

One of the other mums eyebrows shot right up, the rest just laughed along with the birthday mum. I'm not that bothered to be honest, I know they all hang put together outside of dance class, but I've never felt a desperate longing to be part if that group. I'm happy to chat while we wait for the children, but I'm aware small talk is all it will ever be. Just wondered if I'd inadvertantly done something to get that response! My child is not better at dancing as such, but is quite mature for their age? They don't tend to muck around as much as the other kids and is often praised by the teacher for it, so maybe that could be it? Seems a weird reason to be a cow to me though.

OP posts:

NonaGrey · 03/09/2018 10:57

I'm not paranoid, but if someone did that to me I'd assume they thanked me for the gift just to set me up for humiliation. Some people really are that bullying.

Is your child better than hers in the dance class? When people try to humiliate you it's usually because they're jealous.

I’m sorry Juells but that really is a pretty paranoid point of view!

I’m really surprised at people suggesting the woman set it up deliberately- why on Earth would she do that? Deliberately make herself look terribly cruel in front of all the other Mums? No one does that.

It’s far more likely that it was a big party, she got confused and embarrassed herself. She wasn’t very kind in her response but she was probably mortified.

Far more embarrassing for her than for you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’d just brazen through and go about my business as usual.

Juells · 03/09/2018 11:02

Sniggering a bit thinking of how she'd have been shafted if you'd smiled sweetly and said "My pleasure" when she thanked you for the gift.

When dealing with people like her the difficulty is that they say something nasty and sail on, but because you're not prepared for it you blurt out something polite, or are shocked into silence. That's what happens to me, anyway. But once you've had her measure you can protect yourself - if she tries to set you up again pause and think "what is she trying to get out of this little exchange? Am I being set up?" before replying. Vague smiles and turning away to do something else, checking your phone etc. will spoil her little drama.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2018 11:03

She was rude and nasty, says a lot about her really.

InezGraves · 03/09/2018 11:07

It’s far more likely that it was a big party, she got confused and embarrassed herself. She wasn’t very kind in her response but she was probably mortified.

Far more embarrassing for her than for you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’d just brazen through and go about my business as usual.

Absolutely to this. I can't see any evidence anywhere for this being a deliberate intent to humiliate -- in public, when it makes her, not you, look bad? That makes no sense. The other women laughing were probably doing so out of embarrassment.

And you did nothing at all wrong. She's the one who embarrassed herself by being thoughtless and then, rather than apologising, covering her tracks really badly by being rude. I imagine any neutral parties would have thought you behaved rather well, and that she really didn't.

Juells · 03/09/2018 11:09

I’m sorry Juells but that really is a pretty paranoid point of view!

No, I've been on the receiving end of jibes like that on several occasions, and people have set them up to take me down a peg or two, if they felt they had reason to be jealous. When I was younger I used to reel, and feel very hurt, until someone pointed out what was really going on.

I bet the OP's daughter is prettier or a better dancer, or from a social background that bitchy Mum either looks down on, or is intimidated by. That wasn't a random conversational exchange.

Twoweekcruise · 03/09/2018 11:09

Total bitch, she obviously has some major hang ups if she hasn’t moved on from her bitchy school years and still needs an entourage! Very sad, she’s just like the character Amanda from Motherland.

Willow2017 · 03/09/2018 11:13

Nona
You would be pretty stupid not to recognise that this "Oh thats right you weren't invited " before turning her back to me and continuing her talk with the other mums. wasnt calculated to exclude op.

She knew ops child wasnt there, she made a special effort to say her dd "loved" her gift then did the above.

Pathetic and made herself look a stupid nasty bitch to everyone.

SaucyJack · 03/09/2018 11:14

Did you get an invitation? I find it extremely hard to believe that she “forgot” that she hadn’t invited you, or that you hadn’t been there and given a present.

The only logical conclusion is that she’s a shit-smeared arsehole who set it up deliberately TBH.

You did nothing wrong.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5