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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL- unreasonable comments

111 replies

Firsttimer1234 · 02/09/2018 16:11

Nothing but problems with my PIL since I had my little one three months ago. Never ending they seem at the minute. Today's latest: they complained a few months ago about not seeing LO enough so we have made an effort for everyone's sake to go and see them twice a week. Not that I was happy with this. More than enough in my opinion. My own parents only see him once a fortnight because eof distance. Anyway, over the last two weeks, four visits, on two occasions he has been asleep. We don't have a nap routine yet. He tends to just sleep when he wants and has been sleeping more lately due to a growth spurt. I posted a picture on Instagram last night of Him smiling, something he has done many times, and they have seen this in person. My MIL then immediately text my husband with this, 'Are you purposely drugging him when he comes to see us because he looks like he's having fun at home and he's been asleep twice when we've seen him.' she hasn't spoke or replied to my husband since. No kisses and heart and smilies like she would usually add on a text. AIBU to be annoyed about this? If he's asleep he's asleep, you don't wake a sleeping baby right? It's just unfortunate if he's asleep when their there sometimes.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 17:25

They sound horrible-I would massively pull back with the visits.

MaverickSnoopy · 02/09/2018 17:28

Well they can expect all they like.

I've had years of this shit and tbh all it's done is made me distance myself from it. You don't feel inclined to make an effort when all you get is criticism and complaints.

My DH always tried to stand up to them but he's awful with confrontation and avidly avoids it. He does try and is on my side though. I think all you can do is tell DH how you feel and then he needs to take the lead in deflecting the shit away from you.

ktp100 · 02/09/2018 17:28

YOUR baby, YOUR rules!

Don't let them force you into doing something you don't want to!

What their friends do with their grandkids is nothing to do with you. Stick to your guns.

There's enough to think about with a little one without all this unnecessary additional stress!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/09/2018 17:31

I'd reply "don't be daft"

Hepzibar · 02/09/2018 17:31

Why are you pandering to these people? They don't see why they should, their words, so therefore the expectation is that we now go to them. Let them expect away, otherwise they will continue to control you and call the shots.

What is it with adults letting other adults tell them what to do?

VerbenaGirl · 02/09/2018 17:33

I’d have been cross about this too!

senmumoftom · 02/09/2018 17:33

Don't respond at all. I'm a grandmother, you don't make demands, you go with the flow. What she SHOULD have said about the lovley picture of her grandchild smiling is " Isn't he lovely!"

MadeForThis · 02/09/2018 17:33

I would tell them that he will be awake for long periods of time when he is a toddler and if there are any more selfish comments that's the next time they'll see him.

Stop the twice weekly visits. Once a fortnight is more than enough.

Awrite · 02/09/2018 17:35

Stop visiting so often. You are a grown up, you don't have to go at all let alone twice weekly.

Maelstrop · 02/09/2018 17:35

What a disgusting comment for her to make! Just go round once a week, fuck ‘em.

BunsOfAnarchy · 02/09/2018 17:38

Get husband to respond.
'Yes, we do drug him. Then drive all the way to yours so u can see him asleep'

Whats utter tits.
They can now come and see baby at yours from now on after that dickhead comment

Oldraver · 02/09/2018 17:40

I think I would get you DP to tell them form now on you will only bring him round when he is awake. Then dont go round

Chottie · 02/09/2018 17:41

Please, please do NOT give into their bullying. Why are they putting you under so much pressure? Your baby, your rules. End of.

and I am MiL!! saying this too

redshoeblueshoe · 02/09/2018 17:41

Every day for 3 weeks OMG.
Actually if I was you I think I'd move house, and change my phone numb

Original poster
Firsttimer1234 · 02/09/2018 17:41

A lot of their problem is that we don't 'need' them. They expected us to be calling them and asking for help adivce, favours etc. Me and my husband haven't needed help, yet. We have adjusted to parenthood well. I was 18 when my sister was born so have experiance with babies. My husband is a teacher, I'm a deputy headteacher in a primary school. We do kinda have a good idea what we're doing. Sounds awful to say but they wanted us to need them. Husband has had the convo with them that in the future we might need their help but we've getting on and learning as we go and more importantly enjoying every minute doing it. Surely grandparents should enjoy the time they get with their grandchildren and be there waiting to support and help if you need them? Or have I got it wrong?!

OP posts:
redshoeblueshoe · 02/09/2018 17:42

number Blush

CardsforKittens · 02/09/2018 17:42

I agree with PP: you've adjusted your life to suit them by visiting twice a week and they're still being unreasonable, so it's time to set firm boundaries and stick to them. Your PIL have made it clear they don't respect your boundaries so you need to enforce them rigidly or it will get worse. I would cut back to one visit per week in these circumstances. If they complain, they complain. If they get upset, let them be upset. They don't seem concerned about upsetting you, so you don't need to feel guilty about doing things the way you want.

redshoeblueshoe · 02/09/2018 17:43

You are spot on.

Hepzibar · 02/09/2018 17:45

Don't respond at all. I'm a grandmother, you don't make demands, you go with the flow. What she SHOULD have said about the lovley picture of her grandchild smiling is " Isn't he lovely!"

This is absolutely spot on. I am also a Grandma and any photo posted of my darling grandson I 'like' and comment to world how beautiful he is.
Your DH should have text back 'did you mean to say ....'

She sounds like an absolute cow, keep her at arms length.

I suspect there is a lot more to this situation as well.

BE18mum · 02/09/2018 17:45

I don’t understand grandparents like this who think they’re entitled to take a tiny baby from their parents overnight and nag to have ‘alone time’ - my MIL was similar and it’s caused a lot of resentment.

Hepzibar · 02/09/2018 17:47

OP just seen your last post. You have got it right. They are wrong.

AdaColeman · 02/09/2018 17:49

It would be better for you if you gradually cut down on the visits to the grandparents. Twice a week is a bit much, especially if you are planning on going back to work, then you may well not have time to see them very often.

Original poster
Firsttimer1234 · 02/09/2018 17:50

@Hepzibar there is much more. Things like turning up at 8.00 one Saturday morning, me ignoring the knocking out of anger and her climbing over the garden fence to come to the French doors in the lounge. Or me being in hospital still with baby and them turning up unannounced and without me knowing and sitting outside my bed curtain as I was having the midwife check my stitches... The lists goes on.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 17:54

I’d get DH to ‘lay down the law’ about their ridiculous expectations and nip things in the bud now otherwise it will probably get worse.

Tell them not to turn up uninvited as well.

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 02/09/2018 17:59

Where do all these crazy grand parents come from?!

My miL can’t even remember D’s name 😂 (not out of lack of interest)

Twice a week is nonsense especially to keep lugging over there - I’d make a pointed comment that he falls asleep during the car journey - HINT HINT!

Better to see your DS in his environment anyway - then he might smile 😊

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