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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we don't need to give two of our seats on a train to someone with a disability?

117 replies

Stompythedinosaur · 02/09/2018 14:05

I'm sort of aware I might be being unreasonable, but I feels unfair.

I am on a train with dd1 and dd2 (age 7 and 5), longish trip, about 3.5 hours. The dds were sat next to each other at two seats at a table and I was across the aisle. A lady got on and asked if she could sit as she had cerebral palsy (for info, we weren't in priority seats or anything). I offered my seat, but she said she needed a table seat. My dds got up, and I was expecting her to take the window seat, so one of the dds could go o the other seat, and one on my lap. However, she then put her bag in the other seat, and refused to move this, saying she needed it there due to her disability. I offered to put this in the luggage storage, or for it to go under the table, but she was adamant, and after a couple of refusals, she turned away and wouldn't respond any more.

It the end I decided it wasn't worth the hassle, and we have ended up all day on the floor in a vestibule, but I was really irritated. Am I being unreasonable to thing that even with a disability you aren't entitled to 2 seats on a busy train?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 02/09/2018 14:07

Unless her bag had additional needs, she was being a twat.

Gardeninginsummer1 · 02/09/2018 14:07

I'd have stopped asking and just moved it

Nacreous · 02/09/2018 14:08

That’s not cool. It could have sat on the table in front of her at worst, if it was totally essential.

BarbedBloom · 02/09/2018 14:08

I have a disability and I don’t think YWBU. Give up a seat, of course, but putting her bag on the seat while someone else stands is rude. Surely she could have put it on the table or by her feet if she needed it to be accessible.

Whereisthecoffee · 02/09/2018 14:08

Yanbu

Sallygoroundthemoon · 02/09/2018 14:09

Sounds on the face of it like she was being unreasonable but hard to tell. Could she not have put her bag on the table if she needed easy access to it? You were very kind to move.

thenightsky · 02/09/2018 14:10

YANBU. She was being very rude.

sprinklesandsauce · 02/09/2018 14:11

She was being a CF, her bag did not need a seat, if she had a table in front of her it could have gone on there.

I would have moved it onto the table and then sat next to her.

I always have to ask people to move bags when the train is full. My mum has had 2 knee replacements, walks with a stick. I am not having her stand up while people let their bags sit next to them.

If you want your bag to have a seat, then pay for 2 seats!

LoniceraJaponica · 02/09/2018 14:11

She was taking the piss.

I generally reserve seats on longer journeys, although, I realise you can't with an open ended ticket. I would felt tempted to ask if she had bought a ticket for the bag, and then moved it on to the table. If I had seen a ticket collector I would have complained as well.

MorningsEleven · 02/09/2018 14:12

Being disabled doesn't exempt you from being an arsehole.

rosiejaune · 02/09/2018 14:12

Maybe she needs to get things in and out of it (or potentially might need to, e.g. medical supplies) during the journey and can't access it elsewhere?

And she is probably fed up of people being judgemental in her daily life when she states her needs.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/09/2018 14:13

She could have it on the table rosie

upsideup · 02/09/2018 14:14

One ticket entitles you to one seat, in your case you didnt even get that.
Bag could have gone on her lap, on the table or on the floor if she needed access to it not its own seat

Mintylicious · 02/09/2018 14:14

I think there will be some circumstances where 2 seats could be needed, but in the story you tell, no it doesn’t sound like it to me. If she had something in the bag that she could have needed urgently, why couldn’t the bag have gone on the table in front of her?

Takfujimoto · 02/09/2018 14:18

I would have calmly told her I was going to put it on the table or the floor unless she could give me a good reason as to why her bag needed to have a seat over my child.

Disabled people can be massive arseholes as well, they aren't mutually exclusive 😂

Original poster
Stompythedinosaur · 02/09/2018 14:19

I feel a bit awkward about it, as I absolutely believe in giving up seats to people who need them more, and the dds are drilled in doing this too. But I was left feeling quite put out. But then, I suppose sitting on the floor is more of an option for me and my dds than for some people.

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 02/09/2018 14:21

@LoniceraJaponica that involves reaching up and in front of you, rather than across to the side of you. She may find one set of those movements harder (or impossible) than the other.

It's like not judging people who don't appear to be physically disabled using the accessible toilet. Just give people the benefit of the doubt; they know their bodies and life experience much better than you.

If she was genuine, she probably felt really ashamed as it would have been obvious people were disapproving. But people shouldn't have to (and don't always have the energy to) explain it all in minute detail to every stranger they meet.

sunshineNdaisies · 02/09/2018 14:22

The correct term is 'disabled person' (social model etc)

Some people have medication / assistive technology etc that they require to use to keep them safe, to help them communicate, or to help them with mobility problems. That may have been in the bag.

So whilst you offered a seat, YWBU to assume it was just a bag.

Ullupullu · 02/09/2018 14:23

Why were you sitting on the floor if your children are sat next to each other? Can't you sit three across? Fwiw I'd be annoyed too as you will have paid for your kids to travel too.

sunshineNdaisies · 02/09/2018 14:24

This reply has been deleted

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DN4GeekinDerby · 02/09/2018 14:25

For a bag, no. She should have put it on the table or her lap if she wanted quick easy access to it (as some do for medications or equipment). There is no reason I can think of why it couldn't be put on the table rather than the seat if she needed it there.

I could just about see it for some mobility aides which if you try to put next to you and try to take up as little room as possible, you still end up taking at least a seat and a half even if at my tiny size. Also, for those who have difficulty bending their legs (which is what came to mind with the need for a table seat), she might have been concerned about not being able to keep her legs out of the kids' way or something but to use the bag as an excuse does make her seem a bit silly at best.

JacquesHammer · 02/09/2018 14:25

What a nasty person you come across as

Oh wind your neck in. The OP comes across as the very opposite.

Ridiculous hyperbole

Sparrowlegs248 · 02/09/2018 14:26

Yanbu. I'd have moved her bag.

Groovee · 02/09/2018 14:27

I have an invisible disability and I think she was being unreasonable. She clearly wanted a seat with no one beside her. She should have booked a seat in that case.

I had this recently on the tram, woman refused to move her bag to allow someone else to sit down and seemed to think I should give up my seat in the priority seats.

TroubledLichen · 02/09/2018 14:28

To give her the benefit of the doubt maybe she needed stuff in the bag (like medication) and maybe she was worried if you put it in the luggage storage or under the table for her, if her stop came and there was no one around to help, she wouldn’t be able to move it herself. She still sounds rude though. Well done you on doing a nice thing, don’t let it put you off in future.