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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we don't need to give two of our seats on a train to someone with a disability?

117 replies

Stompythedinosaur · 02/09/2018 14:05

I'm sort of aware I might be being unreasonable, but I feels unfair.

I am on a train with dd1 and dd2 (age 7 and 5), longish trip, about 3.5 hours. The dds were sat next to each other at two seats at a table and I was across the aisle. A lady got on and asked if she could sit as she had cerebral palsy (for info, we weren't in priority seats or anything). I offered my seat, but she said she needed a table seat. My dds got up, and I was expecting her to take the window seat, so one of the dds could go o the other seat, and one on my lap. However, she then put her bag in the other seat, and refused to move this, saying she needed it there due to her disability. I offered to put this in the luggage storage, or for it to go under the table, but she was adamant, and after a couple of refusals, she turned away and wouldn't respond any more.

It the end I decided it wasn't worth the hassle, and we have ended up all day on the floor in a vestibule, but I was really irritated. Am I being unreasonable to thing that even with a disability you aren't entitled to 2 seats on a busy train?

OP posts:
Original poster
Stompythedinosaur · 02/09/2018 14:50

For the poster who asked, we ended up Sat on the floor because we were left with only one seat and I couldn't fit both dds on my lap. I've relaxed now, we are sat together so the journey isn't too bad.

I accept the reasons that there are reasons the lady may have needed two seats.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 02/09/2018 14:50

Most seats have a flip-down table in front

This varies massively from region to region. If you've only regularly used trains on one network, you may be unaware how other networks' rolling stock can be wildly different.

Virgin trains - generally excellent and have flip-down tables
Southern Rail - LOL. Very few tables, don't even have luggage storage on most services, just the overheads (which won't fit a suitcase even if I was strong enough to hoist it above my head.)
Thameslink - varies. Generally have luggage storage and toilets but less table seats that other services.
Northern - if they turn up then you shout Hallelujah.

Anyway OP I don't think you were being unreasonable but I do feel some sympathy for this lady who may have dreaded the thought of being sat next to an energetic child for 3.5 hours. You and your DDs did a kind thing and that is more important than being right. So well done you. But I do hope you have a more comfortable journey back!

Ginger1982 · 02/09/2018 14:51

Why did she need a table seat if not to put the bag on the table? 🤔

Original poster
Stompythedinosaur · 02/09/2018 14:52

Rebecca36 thank you. I shall wear my sticker with pride and move on!

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 02/09/2018 14:53

I do feel some sympathy for this lady who may have dreaded the thought of being sat next to an energetic child for 3.5 hours.

Eh? The lady may deserve some sympathy if she needs adjustments for her disability, but you can't go round claiming two seats because you don't like children!! Or fat people/smelly people/people wearing large coats/people eating a picnic/people talking and so on.

RavenLG · 02/09/2018 14:55

Maybe she needs to get things in and out of it (or potentially might need to, e.g. medical supplies) during the journey and can't access it elsewhere? she should book an extra seat or speak to a steward then surely? What if the seat her bag was in was booked by someone and the train was full?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/09/2018 14:59

There may well have been a reason why she preferred her bag on the seat next to her than on the table, but I’m sure OP would have been willing to assist for the duration of the time they were travelling together. Sounds like she was more of a CF. You meet unpleasant people in every walk of life.

recluse · 02/09/2018 15:01

What a nasty person you come across as.

No, she really doesn’t 🙄.

maZebraltov · 02/09/2018 15:02

Maybe part of her disability is a mental illness which means she NEEDS the bag within reach at all times. Who is to say not?

Missingstreetlife · 02/09/2018 15:03

Well, op could have booked seats too. I think it is unreasonable to make both your children move

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 02/09/2018 15:05

Maybe part of her disability is a mental illness which means she NEEDS the bag within reach at all times. Who is to say not?

Then she should pay for a seat for the bag, not expect someone who has paid for three seats to end up with just one.

manicinsomniac · 02/09/2018 15:06

I don't think a seat reservation is valid if a disabled, pregnant or elderly person needs it, is it? I think train staff would make someone move if they didn't go voluntarily. Isn't that why it's free to reserve a seat? It's not binding? They even cancel reservations if a train's just crowded sometimes. Or if their system breaks.

MeyMary · 02/09/2018 15:07

she needed a table seat

Couldn't she have put her bag on the table?

I'm sure she didn't have a ticket for the second seat...

You were far too nice imo, OP!

Bluelady · 02/09/2018 15:11

I think you're an angel, OP. I wouldn't have been nearly as sanguine and tolerant. It's a good thing she got you and not me!

LeftRightCentre · 02/09/2018 15:11

I wouldn't have moved from a table at all unless forced to by the staff.

Gersemi · 02/09/2018 15:23

I do feel some sympathy for this lady who may have dreaded the thought of being sat next to an energetic child for 3.5 hours.

Then she could have asked literally anyone else in the train to move.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/09/2018 15:24

If this lady had a disability why didn't she reserve a seat?

LittleBookofCalm · 02/09/2018 15:25

perhaps she should have explained why her bag needed a seat,

LittleBookofCalm · 02/09/2018 15:26

perhaps she couldnt reach up high for the bag, but if she had said so, it would have been reasonable.

TomHardysNextWife · 02/09/2018 15:33

My mum has got a friend who is disabled, and she sets my teeth on edge with her sense of entitlement. That's exactly the sort of stunt she'd pull OP.

You were very kind to let her get away with it and a great example to your children. That's what matters here.

tillytrotter1 · 02/09/2018 15:35

I would have sat on the bag had she refused to move it, I've started to do that before and they move it very quickly. I would doubt she had a disability, other than rampant self-entitlement.

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/09/2018 15:36

Think I would have sat on the table. If she was taking up a seat with her bag and refusing to put it on the table then child would have gone on the table

PorkFlute · 02/09/2018 15:43

It’s hard to say if she was being unreasonable. I’d be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt as what would she gain by denying your child a chair for no reason?
Maybe she has weakness in her arm/s which would make lifting her bag onto the table/accessing things in her bag difficult.

Pamdoo · 02/09/2018 15:46

Some of the replies on here ffs! I don't think people could be more patronising if they tried. Sometimes people are so desperate to come across as open minded and argue for other people's needs that they come across as discriminating anyway. Disabled people are still people. People can sometimes be arseholes. Just because a person is disabled doesn't mean you have to dig for a reason to make them not seem like an arsehole.

I'm guessing she just didn't want to sit next to a child. Which is fair enough, I might not want to sit next to someone's child for that long, but if they had nowhere to sit then I certainly wouldn't want them to sit on a floor.

LittleBookofCalm · 02/09/2018 15:50

Perhaps she couldn't physically manage unless the bag was in a particular position to her body