Inheritance and Stepchildren

[calliebirds]

Feeling totally confused. A terrible thought occurred to me today and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

It's also hypothetical at this point.

DP has four kids from previous relationship.
Together we have one child.

If DP and I buy a house together how an earth do we deal with inheritance when we both pop our clogs?

Obviously I'm premature to be thinking about this but I'm actually worried now and wondering whether we should never buy a house together.

Would we divide the house in half, my half and his half. My only child would get my half which means in theory, DP would have to split his half between his five kids. Say the house was worth £250k, that would mean my child got £150k and each one of my step children would only get 25k. Which seems unfair to DPs kids if their sibling got so much more than them and yet part of me feels really uncomfortable about splitting it evenly between all of them as in my mind my half should go to my child as much as I love my step children, they aren't my children and my priority is my own child.

Your step children have two parents- both of whom are involved and share care- therefore inheritance will be a proportion each from their estate.

why should the step children get contribution from 3 adults and your child only gets contribution from 2?

The fact that the mother has nothing to contribute is sad, but I can see why you want to be able to pass down to your son your estate. If the situation was the other way- and the ss mother had a large estate, the imbalance would be the other way.

Its impossible to know what the final amounts would be now, and its for this reason that I think that the principle of 2 parents contribute to their own children should stand.

I just don’t understand why posters are saying that what OP wants to do means putting more value on money than siblings relationships.
That is saying that the SDC would resent their half sibling inheriting from both their parents that died when they only inherit from one (and still have a living parent). Really?? That is what you expect will happen? The SDC are not really nice persons in scenario are they?
What about if she does an equal split, are you expecting the DC to be happy to share his DM’s inheritance with step siblings that still have their mother? How is that not putting money over relationships?

OP go with your instinct, your money goes to your DC.

oh please Originalsaltedpeanuts … how on earth is the OP 'pushing them out of the picture'.

The SS still get inheritance from 2 parents active in their life- but just not from the OP (who isn't the step children's mother....).

The father is splitting HIS estate 5 ways- equally between his children.

Also... who knows... maybe the only reason there is the possibility of an inheritance and a property to split is BECAUSE of the contribution made by the OP? I hate the usual assumption that a step mother is taking away from the step family and making everyone worse off.

@charlestonchaplin That's exactly my point. Thank you!

We're doing an equal split and my son's entirely happy with it.

@charlestonchaplin Maybe I should have said support, rather than agree. I know he may not legally have to agree, and it’s OP’s half to do with as she pleases. I just meant that, like any big financial decision, even if one partner doesn’t legally have to agree, they would want to do it amicably and that any discussion they have will involve her partner having an opinion. While OP can make the decision herself, if it were me I wouldn’t want it getting to a point of me saying, “well it’s my money and I’ll do what I want” I’d want my partner to understand and support the decision. Especially since if the children find out their father was against the decision it may be more likely to cause resentment between OP’s son and step children. Obviously if he totally disagrees then there’s not much you can do and OP should make the decision she feels is best, without his support, as you’re right, she doesn’t actually need it.

I've never been left anything in a will, but does every beneficiary have to know what the others received?

Can they not just be told what their individual inheritance is?

Originalsaltedpeanuts and oh wow... your father and step mother sound a right pair. That is absolutely NOT fair either and must have been awful for you. I am so sorry.

@Originalsaltedpeanuts That's absurd. Don't project your own feelings of resent onto my family circumstances.

I would never dream of pushing my SC out of the picture.

My own Father abandoned me and favours the children he has had with his new partner over me. I'd hate my DP if he did that to his kids, knowing what it feels like.

DP can leave his half of the house to his kids and I'm leaving my half to my kids. That's perfectly fair and reasonable. To be honest, I'd probably leave my SC a small portion of my share anyway. I wouldn't split my half equally between them but I'd want to leave them something from me, even if it's just a small token.

Why should my half be left to someone else's children?

No I didn't chose to half four children. I entered into a relationship with a man who has four children but those four children have their own mother and their own father to provide for them so why should I be expected to do so as well?

Given that you don't have any money right now and may never have any, OP, it's all a bit academic. I think it's interesting that you're so adamant you're right and many of us in a similar situation yet doing an equal split are wrong. It makes me think you're trying to convince yourself.

The reality is that blood is thicker than water. It just is.

The steps may feel unhappy about less money...but that's life. Their stepmum is not obliged to leave them anything.

If I left money to my child...I would not want it passed to their step child and if I think that is likely to happen...then I'd leave money directly to my GC.

I have one DSS and one DS, they will both inherit equally from DH and I - I can't imagine doing it any other way.

I have no DC and DH has one. DH is NRP. I brought most of the assets to our marriage, none of which I intend to leave to my stepchild. I am also much more likely to receive a reasonable inheritance (caveat re care fees etc etc obvs) So plan is for my assets to be held in trust for DH to use if I die first, with whatever is left when he eventually dies to be distributed as per my wishes, not passed down to his DC. He can of course leave his estate if he dies first to his DC if he wishes, I don't mind if I don't get a penny!

My stepfather died recently, me and DSis didn't get a penny, my steps inherited about half a million each. Never occurred to me to think I should get anything.

I think each family is different and what works for one won't work for another. I don't see why my stepchild should end up inheriting more than they would have otherwise just because DH married me!

Really must get around to making a will.

@Originalsaltedpeanuts I wouldn't be cutting them off.

Of course I see us as a family. This is all hypothetical. Me and DP rent currently and might never own our own home in which case this is a pointless discussion.

It's unlikely their Mum would have anything to leave to them but circumstances change. As other posters have said, she might somehow end up with millions to leave them. In which case it would be my Son who ends up with barely anything.

Especially if me and DP end up always renting. Then my Son would get nothing but DSC could end up with masses from their Mum.

Which is why for me, the answer is that I provide for my child. DP provides for his. DSC's Mum provides for hers.

@SandyY2K That's exactly how my Mum feels and any money I get will be from her and I know she wouldn't want it going to someone's else's children.

@Originalsaltedpeanuts So say DP and I end up not being able to leave anything to our kids but somehow my Stepchildrens Mum ends up with a hefty sum to leave her kids. My Son would be the one with nothing and I highly doubt my step children would share their inheritance from their Mum with my Son and I imagine their Mum wouldn't be happy with them if they did.

@Bluelady I said from the start it was purely hypothetical.

However, in the future if we are in a position to buy a home together I need to know how I feel and where both DP and I stand in regards to inheritance.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. It's entirely dependent upon ones own feelings, family circumstances, relationship dynamics and I don't think anyone who does chose to split evenly is wrong at all.

I haven't even made up my mind where I do stand yet because I can see things from both perspectives.

When dh divorced he walked away with nothing. He had to sign over the house to her, as she’d emptied all the joint accounts (about 30k) before she kicked him out, so to the courts the only asset was the house, and she had no funds to buy him out.

When he met me i had my own house, savings, pension etc.

I have set things up so everything in my name- which is everything except the car- goes to my dc. The house is held in trust, dh can live in it until he remarries, no longer wants to, or dies.

His dc get everything in his name. Which is not much. But they will inherit his house and all the savings from their mum. Problem is she’s already remortgaged and spent everything so doubt there’ll be much left. But that isn’t my problem.

@Originalsaltedpeanuts Of course they aren't a separate entity but the fact of the matter is that they aren't my children. That's just how it is.

They will be provided for by their Mother and their Father.

Just as my son will be provided for by me and his father.

Their Mum will leave everything she has to them.

I will leave everything I have to my son. Just as their Mum has left everything to them.

Their joint father will split everything he has between them all.

Seems reasonable to me.

They may end up with more than my son because of their inheritance from their mother or they may end up with less because of this. Who knows.

Op I have to large family barely any set has siblings who all get on, all walks of life, poor to v rich in nealry every one there are total hate nc relationships and those with lesser degrees of unpleasantness.

Being step won't help with some siblings experience marriage breakdown etc.

Nobody should expect inheritance from a stepparent.

A step parent doesnt have parental responsibility for you and wouldn't be making decisions about your education and other critical areas of your life during childhood.

If your parent and step got divorced..they have no legal entitlement to see you. Why would you think you should have an equal share as their child just because they married your mum or dad?

That seems like entitlement to me. Your biological parent should by all means leave you something.... but it really does smell of entitlement to expect inheritance from a step parent.

As a stepchild before marriage your NOK would be your parents. All your assets would go to your parents and be split equally in the absence of a will.

How many adult unmarried step children would even think of mentioning a step parent in their will?

We can die at any time. It's not the oldest that always goes first.

i think this isn't a straightforward question to be honest.

hard to answer hypothetically without knowing the history of the assets... e.g. if DH already owned the house when he met you then very wrong for his marriage to make his kids so much poorer.