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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting date to my house while dc are in bed

87 replies

TreesAr3Green · 01/09/2018 15:55

Totally prepared to be told aibu here.

Been seeing a guy for 5 weeks, have no intention of introducing him to my dc any time soon. We were meant to be going out tonight however my childcare has fallen through. Would I be totally unreasonable to suggest he came to my house to watch a film or something one dc are in bed?

OP posts:
peachypetite · 01/09/2018 15:58

What if they wake up?

HoleyCoMoley · 01/09/2018 15:58

It's ok but what if your dc wakes up, will he be staying over.

HollowTalk · 01/09/2018 16:00

I'd go with what kind of man he is. Is he someone you might otherwise introduce to your children? Is he's a decent guy who would be happy to take himself off home if your children needed you for more than a couple of minutes, then I'd ask him to come round, otherwise I wouldn't.

SmellMyBeads · 01/09/2018 16:01

I'm sure the DC have met a male before.

Invite him over. If they wake up just act like you would around any other man.

Have a good night 😀

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2018 16:01

How much do you REALLY know about this man? Do you really think it's wise to open your home to him so early on, especially because you have children? Personally, I would be much more cautious.

stellabird · 01/09/2018 16:03

Not a good idea . If they woke up, it would be a really dodgy way for them to meet him for the first time.

Original poster
TreesAr3Green · 01/09/2018 16:03

Dc sleep right through, if they have a bad dream or anything they shout down for me anyway. There is always the what if this is the one time they venture downstairs. No he won't be staying over, just here for 2 or 3 hours.

OP posts:
PerfectPenquins · 01/09/2018 16:05

Personally no I wouldn’t not after 5 weeks, you can’t know him that well so I wouldn’t have him in my children’s home just rearrange for another time

Thundercracker · 01/09/2018 16:05

I would do it, presumably you know your children are good sleepers so aren’t expecting them to wake up (and if they do, you’ll go up to them and he’ll either wait downstairs or give up and go) and he’ll be going at the end of the evening.

shortgreengiraffe · 01/09/2018 16:07

Go for it.

But make clear to him you're not offering B&B.

safetyfreak · 01/09/2018 16:09

I would and have done this when DD is sound asleep.

I can not do it now as DD bedtime is later and she is too knowing now.

PorkFlute · 01/09/2018 16:12

I’d just tell your dc that one of your friends is coming over to watch a dvd with you while they’re in bed. I often have friends over for a drink and dvd so neither of my kids would bat an eyelid.

Original poster
TreesAr3Green · 01/09/2018 16:14

The musmnet jury are as split as I am on this.

One one hand I highly doubt dc would even wake up and if they did both him and I are on the same page about no introductions etc so he would just stay downstairs/leave but there is a feeling of I don't think this is the right thing to do.

Thank you for all your thoughts.

OP posts:
Cantbelievethis123 · 01/09/2018 16:15

I've done this. Tonight I will be aswell. I'd never see him otherwise due to childcare issues. He comes over after dds bedtime and then leaves a few hours later. Once she's woken up and asked who's that? I explained it was a friend of mummys and that was it. She never mentioned it again. If you feel comfortable with him I don't see the problem with it. I assume you have friends over some evenings

takeittakeit · 01/09/2018 16:17

OP - as a fellow single parent until recently - why not.

I was like you apprehensive but paying for childcare almost becomes prohibitive.
Go for it

RayRayBidet · 01/09/2018 16:17

Of course you can ask him round if you are comfortable with him. You know him, if you think he's ok.
Make it clear he won't be staying over and enjoy.
If the DC's wake up you introduce him as your friend and behave as you would if it was any of your other friends.
Have a nice evening

Charolais · 01/09/2018 16:24

I would do it.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 01/09/2018 16:25

Would you think twice about inviting a female friend round to watch tv in the evening?

As long as you arent shagging on the sofa then what is the problem?

HollowTalk · 01/09/2018 16:27

How old are your children, OP? Do you have a baby monitor?

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 16:30

How old are the children?

5 weeks is a very short time to have known someone or have you know each other longer and only recently started dating? How much do you know about the guy? Do you have friends in common?

sunstarsmoon · 01/09/2018 16:32

I would do it. You know your gut and if you trust this man invite him round.

BlancheM · 01/09/2018 16:35

I wouldn't dream of it personally and I've been a single mum for years so I do get it. It's just far too early, this is my children's home.
I'm pleased to see you're getting balanced responses though.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/09/2018 16:36

How old are your DC? Depending on their age, isn't it fine just to have a friend popping in for a drink or something to eat?

Just make your behaviour appropriate at all times in case they wake up!

standbyyourmammaryglands · 01/09/2018 16:40

No I wouldn’t.

  1. It breeds familiarity too quick. Dates go out the window in favour of a bottle of wine sat in yours with the kids in bed.

  2. You don’t really know this guy. Keep your home a safe space as long as you can.

Serial dater before I met dh!

ThePants999 · 01/09/2018 16:42

Don't see the problem. They won't see him, and in the tiny chance they do, well, he's a visiting friend.