Inviting date to my house while dc are in bed

[TreesAr3Green]

Totally prepared to be told aibu here.

Been seeing a guy for 5 weeks, have no intention of introducing him to my dc any time soon. We were meant to be going out tonight however my childcare has fallen through. Would I be totally unreasonable to suggest he came to my house to watch a film or something one dc are in bed?

Would you think twice about inviting a female friend round to watch tv in the evening?

That really doesn’t apply here.

He isn’t a ‘friend’ he is a potential boyfriend

Females don’t tend to date rape or attack women on dates

Invite him over. Say its a friend. I'm sure it won't do them any lasting damage

I would have thought the whole point of an evening in was for a shag on the settee. He’s not coming round to watch the X factor with a cup of tea is he?

I used to find on online dating that the guys couldn’t wait to call round in the evening aka desperate for a shag. Some would put a lot of pressure on even though they knew I had young children.

I got fed up in the end and stopped dating completely as it was hard to work around the children. Fine when you have got to know someone but in the early days I wouldn’t.

promise I agree and had the same experience.

Single parent here also.
Nope. Wouldn’t do it. If my child did wake and stumble in mid snog (or worse) I’d feel awful and even though she sleeps through and has never woken in the night really, Sod’s law it’d happen then so wouldn’t take the risk and I’d only ever arange something when DC isn’t there.

"Females don’t tend to date rape or attack women on dates"

and neither do the majority of males thankfully

Depends on the age of the children. Under 3 I think it would be ok but anything older I would worry they might get up and come down stairs.

I would and I did when I first met DP. He came round most evenings after the DCs were asleep for around 6 months until they met each other.

Promiseme the shag on the settee comment really made me laugh, I can hand on heart say there would have been no shagging on the settee or anywhere else.

I always go with if in doubt don't! So im going to leave it tonight, a few months down the line then maybe I'll feel a bit easier about it.

Hope you all enjoy your Saturday night, whatever your up to x

If a part of you doesn't want to then don't do it.

I would do it. I'm not in your position, but I was that 8yo who came down the stairs unexpectedly (nothing untoward going off). Got introduced to DM's new friend, DM came up and put me back to bed. It was a total non event for me. I probably only remember it because he became a longer term bf.

Just asked my cousin who is a single parent and she said hell no, she wouldn’t do it, not after only 5 weeks.

The bloke might not even want to. Many moons ago my DP met someone who said come over, her kids were in bed, leave in the morning. He said no as he thought it was wrong and disrespectful and never met up with her. This would have been a ons though.

and neither do the majority of males thankfully

However some do. And it’s much harder to get rid of a pushy arsehole when your kids are in the house and you don’t want to wake them up.

Surely there’s someone else who could babysit? I was always happy to as a teen, even at short notice, it’s good money for doing what you’d be doing at home anyway, with full control of the remote & snacks! Neighbour who wouldn’t mind the peace & quiet?

I’d probably have invited him around if not. Contrary to the scaremongers, it’s highly unlike the bloke you’ve been dating for a few weeks is going to turn into a rapist/murderer. If he is, he will be the same guy you invite around in a month or two, you’ll know next to nothing more about him then than you do now 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would do it! You’re entitled to a life of your own.

Is it the idea or person that worries you? If it's the idea, I think it's fine as long as it's not the person that is making you doubt.

Good decision, I wouldn't invite a man who I'd only known five weeks, to my home with my kids there either. They will possibly hear his voice and be curious. Or he might not be as nice as you think. Plus invite to the house spells sex to some low lives.

Also in five weeks how often have you met him? A dozen if that? So no not a good idea.

Only on here is it too soon to have a partner over you’ve been seeing for 5 weeks yet children from age 4 must be dropped off at friends houses for birthday parties or you’re overprotective when you’ve spent probably a totally of less than half an hour chatting to the parents at the school gate!
It’s a strange old place at times Mumsnet.

I would. Totally true what pork said.

I guess we are all different then as I totally disagree with pork. A play date of kids together is nothing like inviting a man you hardly no into your home to be alone with you and your kids. Especially a man you've no intention of introducing them to.

And do you necessarily know the uncle of the friend your child is playing with who may be visiting? Or the teenage brother and all his friends for eg?
Dropping a kid at a play date is much riskier than having someone you’ve been seeing for more than a month over while you are there!

Bit soon for that imo. Kids might wake up. Never introduce them to a new boyrfriend/girlfriend unless you're really sure of them.

Oops. I didn't get the memo 😬 I introduced my boyfriend (now fiancé) to my child, on our first date 😬

@Porkflute someone you've been seeing for 5 weeks is not a partner. It's barely even a boyfriend.

I wouldn't be inviting someone I'd only known that long to know where I lived. Where does it add up the op could have met them a dozen times? If she's got to get childcare she's more likely only met him 5 times.