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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting date to my house while dc are in bed

87 replies

TreesAr3Green · 01/09/2018 15:55

Totally prepared to be told aibu here.

Been seeing a guy for 5 weeks, have no intention of introducing him to my dc any time soon. We were meant to be going out tonight however my childcare has fallen through. Would I be totally unreasonable to suggest he came to my house to watch a film or something one dc are in bed?

OP posts:
Promiseme · 02/09/2018 09:48

No idea why the comparisons with kids parties.

It’s fine if it turns out to be just one guy and you end up in a relationship for some time. I would be wary if you are online dating and meeting lots of guys as they will all want to do this.

I went for a drink with one guy (had already met about four times.) He left his car outside my house and we went for a few drinks in my town. He was too drunk to drive home and asked to stay the night by which time I had decided he was a piss head and I had gone right off him. I let him stay on the settee (no sex thank god) but needed him gone first thing in the morning as I had to pick the kids up. I couldn’t wake him up! I kept making him coffee and he was going back to sleep. I literally kicked him out but it took a couple of hours and was really awkward.

When I told him later I didn’t want to see him any more he got really nasty on Facebook and called me ‘the most despicable person he had ever met’ Confused.

Anyway moral of the story, just be on alert.

PorkFlute · 02/09/2018 14:01

Lol at easing my conscience! I’ve been married for nearly 20 years 😂
The play date comparison is because if the ops bf happened to be a family friend or relative of one of her kids friends her kids would quite possibly be in the same house as him unsupervised by her on a play date or sleepover. And according to most of Mumsnet that would be fine. But coming over to watch a film while their mum is there isn’t ok?
I’m pointing out the crazy attitude some people on here have to assessing risk.

PorkFlute · 02/09/2018 14:07

And I’m pretty sure it is to do with the kids as I doubt people would be saying it was massively dangerous to invite someone over you’d been seeing for more than a month to watch a film if the op was single.

PorkFlute · 02/09/2018 14:07

Childless I mean 😁

standbyyourmammaryglands · 02/09/2018 14:51

Who is most of MN though? I don’t do that.

And you’ve been able to read the reasons why people have said no which your ignoring to bang on about imaginary play datesGrin

Eliza9917 · 03/09/2018 13:26

@PorkFlute Sun 02-Sep-18 14:07:09
And I’m pretty sure it is to do with the kids as I doubt people would be saying it was massively dangerous to invite someone over you’d been seeing for more than a month to watch a film if the op was single.

Most people meet once a week at the beginning, on Friday or Saturday nights. I most definitely WOULD be telling a childless poster - or any poster for that matter - not to invite a man she barely knows into her house after possibly only 4 dates.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 03/09/2018 13:37

No I wouldn’t and have always been a single mum

Too early for cosy nights in after five weeks unless it’s non stop sex

Losingthewill1 · 03/09/2018 14:07

I wouldn’t because you don’t know for definite that your kids won’t just come downstairs while your “watching a movie”.

I had a friend who used to do this and it was shameful as hell

PipeTheFuckDown · 03/09/2018 14:13

I’ve done it before. Single parent with no childcare.

However - I was dating someone I’d known for years, my DC had already met him numerous times at wider family parties (he’s my brothers close friend), he’d been to my house several times as a friend to shoot the breeze over a beer so they were already familiar with him.

Don’t think I’d do it if I’d only known someone for 5 weeks.

RatRolyPoly · 03/09/2018 14:14

I have friends over all the time after the kids are in bed, but they're only small so whatever. I probably wouldn't though if it were a guy I'd been seeing for 5 dates, simply because I reckon it might be a bit of a shit date at the stage of a relationship! Sack it off OP and rearrange for another time when you can really let your hair down Wink

weekendninja · 03/09/2018 14:41

Look OP, you know all of the circumstances here...how your children sleep, what you will both be doing, how much contact you had with him in the past five weeks, what kind of man he is. All of this should help you make an informed decision of what is best to do.

My DP would do this regularly when we first met. The DC's would be put to bed and then he'd come in. We'd eat together at the dining table like adults do which felt amazing and then sit with a glass of wine and talk for hours. As a lone parent I really needed that and it helped our relationship develop to what it is today.

Be safe, trust your instincts and have fun.

MrsStrowman · 03/09/2018 14:54

I wouldn't, less because of concerns about DCs more about it becoming too familiar too quickly. You should be going out and enjoying a relationship at this dating stage. If he's decent he'll understand your childcare fell through and will rearrange

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