Colleague compares pet death to relative

[ItsNotTheSame]

So long story short... my mum passed away a few months ago. Very sudden & unexpected, happened at home when she was alone and she was found there. Paramedics pronounced her dead on the scene. No chance to say goodbye obviously very shocking and caused me a lot of issues with anxiety and depression etc since while trying to come to terms with this. She was only in her early 50s and no illnesses before this as far as we knew.

Anyway, I’m back at work and have been for a couple of months now. My colleague has recently had a family pet put to sleep due to illness. Was working with said colleague when she made a comment to me along the lines of how upset she was and said I must know how she feels as it’s the same as my mum.

This really annoyed me and I told her in no uncertain terms that this is not the same and I walked away feeling angry / upset. I now feel a bit bad that maybe I’ve over reacted and been over sensitive. So opinions please.... Aibu?

Must be awful to lose your Mum op but Yabu - colleague was upset, you were upset, she was trying to empathise - clumsy at worst - did it make you feel better to make her feel worse?

I used to know someone that always said she preferred pets to humans. In her case she meant that she liked a being having to be completely dependent on her, her having complete control over their life and them not being able to express any opinions about anything ever

Yep. Everyone I know who proudly states they prefer pets over humans seems to fit this bill. They are the type of people who don't usually like to hear others talking or expressing opinions.

Yanbu, she was incredibly silly and unthinking for comparing the two situations.

For those saying that animals are far less toxic and more healing than humans so people can be amazingly close to them etc...etc..., yes they may be. Because they don’t talk!!!! Humans control that relationship entirely. We OWN the pet. The relationship between humans and in particular between parents and children is incredibly profound as it is so incredibly complex.

You people do realise humans ARE animals, right? Mammals. Ahead in evolution, sure but animals nonetheless.

Why are we more important just by virtue of our species? Because we're smarter and there's more of us? By that logic, people who are less intelligent are less important.
Still above a different species but less than you?

Cultural minorities? Because after all there's less of them!

People would save their own families over someone else's. Whether they're human or not. That isn't psycho, that's normal.

And some are just scum. Are any of you seriously telling me that the man who sexually abused me as a child is more important than my dog? Just because he's human. I disagree. She is far more of an asset to the world than a paedo.

she was trying to empathise

No she wasn't. She was making it all about her and her feelings.

She didn't say 'Now I've lost Fluffy, I understand what it must have been like for you when you lost your mum.'

She said 'You must understand how upset I am, because me losing Fluffy is just the same as you losing your mum.'

There is a difference.

I bloody hate it when people call their pets 'fur babies'

@didyousee, I’m sorry you suffered abuse.

You are however putting words in people’s mouths and spouting some very dangerous ideas that NO ONE on here has stated or (I would hope) even thinks.

YANBU. She was being insensitive and batshit. Anyone who thinks losing a pet comes remotely close to losing your mother is bloody batshit. Very insensitive.

I would totally save my own dog before someone else’s child.

@BigBlueBubble please tell me you are a troll because that’s just vile and evil thing . You would be no different than a child murder if you were ever in that scenario.

Who are you to decide whether her pet wasnt as special as a family member!? I've loved my dog every day of her life looked after and cherished i cant have children so she is my baby whose brought me through dark days. So you are very unreasonable. Im sorry for your loss also

Bit off topic, but I wish people on the dog & cat threads wouldn’t start threads with titles like - ‘my beautiful boy has died’ - I know pets are like children to some people but it can be triggering to bereaved parents.
Nothing wrong with ‘my beautiful pet dog has died’

As I said previously...grief is grief. While you can’t compare the loss of a pet to a beloved relative you CAN compare grief response because grief is horrible and not rational.

I can still shed tears about my beloved grandmother lost twenty two years ago. We were very close.

Likewise I can also shed tears about my beloved cat who died on the road four years ago because she was lovely and my companion when my marriage broke down.

Same response, different events.

Are any of you seriously telling me that the man who sexually abused me as a child is more important than my dog?

No. No one is saying that.

Someone boldly stated (without actually being asked) they'd save their dog over a child. Doesn't matter who this child is, they are burning alive because that poster's need to have their submissive creature by their side apparently is more important than an actual human being lost to its family. That is nothing less than psychotic

@delores, but you loved your grandmother for the person she was and the interactions you shared. By your own admission the closeness you felt for your dog was because her loyalty to you helped you through a very difficult time. It isn’t the same , although and as you say, the strength of feeling can be equal.

You're so right, @DeloresJaneUmbridge sorry for both your losses.

I know what you mean. I saw a photo of my beloved companion cat from my single days living alone in my flat, who moved home with me twice and my won over my DH, who had thought he was allergic. She was 13 years old when I had to have her PTS back in 2011. I felt quite emotional.

It isn’t the same , although and as you say, the strength of feeling can be equal.

So why is it not the same then? If the strength of feeling is equal? Or are you saying that one type of grief is unreasonable and that people shouldn't be feeling that deeply? That sounds like telling people what they should and shouldn't feel.

Someone boldly stated (without actually being asked) they'd save their dog over a child. Doesn't matter who this child is, they are burning alive because that poster's need to have their submissive creature by their side apparently is more important than an actual human being lost to its family. That is nothing less than psychotic

Most people on here would save their own child over someone else's child and would also allow a child to be burned alive in those circumstances. You could say that's equally psychotic.

I would totally save my own dog before someone else’s child.

That's fucking disgusting!

This thread has turned dark and horrible! I'm sorry OP I do hope you're okay

Sorry about your mum x
But YABU, i know people for whom losing their pets is more devastating than losing a family member.
Grief is relative. But Im sorry you are suffering. Having lost my own mum, I feel your pain zx

Most people on here would save their own child over someone else's child and would also allow a child to be burned alive in those circumstances. You could say that's equally psychotic.

Umm no it's not, because dogs aren't children! I realise some people would like them to be but they're not.

YABU

My friends old horse is 29, she's had him since he was 6months old.

That's 29 years of having to look after him... how is that any different to losing a family member?

And, yes, before you shoot my down (not that I care) I have experienced the loss of my Dad to whom I was quite close.

Animals love unconditionally- people don't.

I can’t believe some of the responses on this thread. The OP was pretty restrained in the circumstances. I’d have slapped the stupid woman.

If I hear ‘There is no hierarchy in grief’ one more time I’ll go on a killing spree. It doesn’t matter how much you live your pet - you do NOT, if you are a mentally competent adult, deliberately tell someone that you know exactly how they feel about losing their mother because you lost your dog. Anyone with anything approaching a brain could see it was insensitive.

For all the people saying ‘I’d be more upset if my dog died than my dad because he’s vile’, I’m very sorry you have that kind of relationship with your parent. But it isn’t relevant. The OP DIDN’T have a bad relationship with her mother. She’s devastated by her death. That grief is not going to be lessened by someone wading it to state they feel the same about their dog, even if that dog was their only companion.

I personally am not a pet person, so don’t have experience of feeling the loss of one. But that doesn’t mean I’d be daft enough to tell someone upset that their dog had died ‘For Christ’s sake, it was only a dog’.

Most people on here would save their own child over someone else's child and would also allow a child to be burned alive in those circumstances. You could say that's equally psychotic.

No you couldn’t. You really couldn’t.

Someone upthread stated that human life is more important than animal no matter who they are. I'm just pointing out that isn't true and that most would save their own first, whether they be human or dog. There's nothing wrong with that, it's human nature.