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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague compares pet death to relative

568 replies

ItsNotTheSame · 01/09/2018 01:17

So long story short... my mum passed away a few months ago. Very sudden & unexpected, happened at home when she was alone and she was found there. Paramedics pronounced her dead on the scene. No chance to say goodbye obviously very shocking and caused me a lot of issues with anxiety and depression etc since while trying to come to terms with this. She was only in her early 50s and no illnesses before this as far as we knew.

Anyway, I’m back at work and have been for a couple of months now. My colleague has recently had a family pet put to sleep due to illness. Was working with said colleague when she made a comment to me along the lines of how upset she was and said I must know how she feels as it’s the same as my mum.

This really annoyed me and I told her in no uncertain terms that this is not the same and I walked away feeling angry / upset. I now feel a bit bad that maybe I’ve over reacted and been over sensitive. So opinions please.... Aibu?

OP posts:

ImTheOnlyOneWhoDoes · 01/09/2018 14:26

I have lost two pets who were part of the family for nearly 20 years.

I have also lost my mother. She died suddenly in her 50s as well.

The two things are incomparable. To suggest they are somehow similar is really insulting.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 01/09/2018 14:26

Quite frankly I'd value a woodlouse more highly than I would a lot of the posters on here who are judgemental, thoughtless and have the emotional capacity of a dead goldfish and fail to see that other people also have feelings that are just as valid as theirs despite being different. And in a burning building it would be the woodlouse I'd save over all of you. A woodlouse wouldn't be shitting on another woodlouse's feelings just because they could.

^ this with bells on. Actually I think after the woodlouse was out, I'd be more likely to go back in for the dead goldfish than sone of you. This thread is disgraceful. Full of people just being needlessly nasty and 'higher than thou.'

ImTheOnlyOneWhoDoes · 01/09/2018 14:29

I tend to feel quite sorry for those who say an animal is their baby etc.

Me too. It's pitiable.

SerenDippitty · 01/09/2018 14:31

I actually think those who don’t understand how people feel a bond with their pet are even more pitiable.

ImTheOnlyOneWhoDoes · 01/09/2018 14:36

Be as defensive as you like. But people who say they'd rescue a dog from a burning building over a child because most humans are dicks and animals are innocent are not firing on all cylinders IMO. Or have serious issues creating healthy relationships with other people.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 01/09/2018 14:38

Not the same as losing a relative at all, however grief is grief and shares many similarities. If she has no other family then for her the dog might well have represented “Family”.

It doesn’t compare in terms of loss but grief is the same.

GunpowderGelatine · 01/09/2018 14:41

This reply has been deleted

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ADastardlyThing · 01/09/2018 14:41

I think it's pretty safe to say no one knows what they'd do in the totally theoretical situation of saving a pet v a stranger. I always thought I'd be calm and measured and practical if my DC hurt themselves but when one of them fell face first from a fair height, well, I lost my mind and was useless.

Although if it was saving my dog over my abuser I'd push him over for my dog to use as a step up. I do know that 100%!

StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 01/09/2018 14:41

I used to know someone that always said she preferred pets to humans. In her case she meant that she liked a being having to be completely dependent on her, her having complete control over their life and them not being able to express any opinions about anything ever.

GunpowderGelatine · 01/09/2018 14:42

In my experience most humans are awful. Animals have no malice or cruelty

Speak for yourself. Humans are wonderful. Your animals love you because you feed them, not because of your sparkling personality

Lizzie48 · 01/09/2018 14:43

i would totally save my own dog before someone else’s child

That's such a horrible attitude.

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 01/09/2018 14:52

You'd watch people burn to death and you think that's not 'needlessly nasty' ?

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 14:57

I know, the people who'd let a baby / child burn to death over a dog are really modelling what they say they admire in animals

FancyADoughnut · 01/09/2018 14:57

Always on these threads we get the 'who would you save in a fire' type questions. Then we get the remarks of people being psychopaths etc.

It's ridiculous and I find childish to start asking such questions and name calling.

The responses at the beginning of the threads were measured on both side so it's a shame it is now descended into 'I'm a better person than you' remarks.

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 14:59

No one asked pp who they'd save. They jumped in with that remark all by themselves. They clearly knew what they were doing.

StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 01/09/2018 15:08

No one asked that question. Someone referenced a previous thread where it was discussed. Then a poster popped on to tell us that she would rather someones child die than her dog.

BatteredBitties · 01/09/2018 15:10

Tbh I think YABU. My mum died in the same sort of circumstances. It was me who found her. I had to have my dog PTS the year after and that affected me the same, if not worse. Although I'd never had a particularly close relationship with my mum, my dog was my best friend. So it depends on the relationship that was had. Honestly it pisses me off when someone loses a pet and people say 'it was only a dog' etc.

Eifla · 01/09/2018 15:11

Grief is subjective. One persons grief is no lesser or greater than another persons.

I lost my 14 year old dog in April. He was with me virtually 24/7 since he was six weeks old. Whether I was working, sleeping, relaxing, holidaying, whatever, he was there. I live alone and he was my constant. I was, and still am, heart broken.

On the other hand, if my Dad dropped dead tomorrow I would struggle to shed a tear.

Moussemoose · 01/09/2018 15:12

This society values human life above animal life. If you wish to prioritise animal lives then you are outside the bounds of society's norms.

You are by definition the odd one out and while you can think that if you want you should keep you mouth shut if you wish to be considered either polite or normal.

PasstheStarmix · 01/09/2018 15:17

So sorry op, how awful. Your colleague sounds very self absorbed and tactless. What’s a stupid think for her to say. Hope you feel alittle better as time goes on. They say time is a healer and helps if only a little.

PasstheStarmix · 01/09/2018 15:17

PasstheStarmix · 01/09/2018 15:18

Thing*

Tiredmum100 · 01/09/2018 15:22

I have lost many pets over the years, and yes I've been devastated when it's happened. But losing a pet would not compare in the slightest if I lost one of my children. I carried on without my beloved pets, but I think I'd rather die than live without my children. YANBU. Sorry for your loss. X

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 01/09/2018 15:23

nikephorus that made me lol. I hope you and your woodlouse live happily ever after

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