My FUCKING Sil!!!

[Gee173]

Have always been very close to DB. He's 29 and I'm 25. We grew up in foster care and luckily were fostered by our lovely parents when I was 8. Because of our childhood we are very close and have always spent a lot of time together, tell eachother everything etc.

He tends to come round to my house 2/3 times a week for tea and to see my DD (2). Is v. supportive, all round great brother and amazing uncle. HOWEVER. He has been seeing/dating his girlfriend girlfriend for about 8 months now and she has just gradually got more vile as times gone on.

1. he has told me, that she doesn't like how much time he spends with my DD (his DN). She's told him that if they move in together she doesn't want him seeing her as often as she feels he prefers DN to her?!?!
2. he has always played 5 a side football on a Saturday morning. She has now told him she wants him to give it up so they can spend all weekend together since he works 9-5 throughout the week and is obvs at mine for tea a few times a week (which she is always invited to, and tends to come to more often than not)
3. Father's Day this year. We always make a big fuss of mother's/Father's Day, and she decided she wanted him to come to dinner with her DF instead of ours. He flat out refused and explained how important Father's Day is to him. She didn't talk to him for a week and some of the messages she sent him were absolutely vile.

In general she's just very controlling, is trying to stop him spending as much time with both family and friends. Last week she punched him in the face for staying out until 1am when he had said he would be back around half 12. He broke down in tears to me, very emotional and upset at the way she was acting.

I just want to shake him and say, get rid of her!!! WIBU to do this?? Or should I let him make his own mistakes, considering he is 29?

Oh I'm so glad he's confided in your Dad -sounds like the family are all behind him & so knows he doesn't need to feel ashamed or worried.

That will give him strength to carry the deed out. Never easy breaking up with a GF but she has killed any affection he might have had for her with her crazy violent ways so that will make it easier for him, in as much as he'll be able to harden his heart if she turns on the waterworks!!

Best of luck keep us updated.. getting rid of her will be the easy bit once he has support but he will need continued support for a while so she doesn't worm her way back in and start playing mind games with him. He's lucky to have you

Good luck today. Thinking of you x

I lurked on this thread previously, just delurking to wish you good luck. Sounds like you have a lovely supportive family.

I hope it all goes well today. If it doesn't don't be cross, just be there.

Leaving isn't easy and I should imagine she'll use all her manipulative lines to keep him out draw him back to her again.

That said, it's great he's opened up to his dad, gives a lot of hope it'll all work out okay.

Good luck with your travel.

Update!

He managed it, she's VERY upset. She turned up at my house a few hours ago and cried on my doorstep for about half an hour but luckily I had a friend round! She was just begging me to help me get back with him. Threatened to kill her self, I told her I will call an ambulance to get her to a place that can help her if she's feeling suicidal and she quickly changed her tune.

She's blown up his phone basically non stop since but he's blocked her now. Locks have been changed, he's stopping at my parents tonight to avoid her being at his door all night.

Hopefully there won't be too much drama. Thanks for all your advice!

Excellent news OP! Help him be strong and not have her back... she's bound to try and promise to change and all that crap... hope your brother can move on and find someone who deserves him.

That's great. I wold suggest to him to have the same such replies to suicide threats etc, as she sounds like she'll try it all on, especially when he's on his own. He might feel quite a lot of mixed emotions too, and it might take him time and be hard to get over feelings of obligation towards her. It's great you and your parents have his back.

Brilliant news OP, glad he's managed to stay strong.

Whoop-woop!!
Excellent stuff, boy did your Bro go for it big time once he saw the light

Well done you & your DParents for being there for him & giving him back up to see it through

She is following the script from the abusers handbook -heartbroken, emotional blackmail, pestering phone calls. It's all been seen here before with abusive men.

He may need some time to talk it over with you all, a sort of debrief as he realises what he has been through.

All the very best to you all, you have a lovely mutually supportive family & I'm so glad things are going to be better moving on

Well done to your DB. Hopefully she'll leave him alone.

Ah yes, the suicidal threats were the ones I was thinking of and they've arrived on cue. Such a shame and I don't think you have any chance of making her realise how her behaviour is completely the opposite of a caring relationship!

I hope your brother can move on from this and find the right person for him. You all sound like a lovely supportive family.

Awesome news

He's done so well. Great sister!

You might get 4/5 days of her being at your door, I ended up staying at my sister's for 3 days when I kicked my exbf out because he kept coming back and sitting outside my door for hours

Well done him. I hope things get easier now.

The violence is completely unacceptable, and he should leave because of that.
Separately to the violence, though, if a woman had come on here to talk about her partner having that much involvement with his family of origin, she would be told that he needed to cut the apron strings, to make better boundaries and to focus on his new relationship.

She was banging on my parents door all night last night. Did not stop for about 6 hours. Screaming/shouting/crying. Luckily they don't have any neighbours nearby! In the end they had to call the police who moved her on. This morning she's turned up where he's working at the moment! He owns a plumbing business so is obviously at different places nearly everyday, so she must have followed him from their house this morning! Absolute nightmare. Haven't noticed her at my house, thank god.

@BertrandRussell the apron strings are firmly cut. He chooses to see me/our parents! He was with his ex for about 4 years and when they got more serious/they moved in together he did see us less so it's not like we're forcing him to see us!

I would report it to the Police every time tbh, I think she may take a while to give up. I bet she's done this before as well, so she may be known to the Police.

@Ellen7262 definitely report to police each and every time she materialises. Her behaviour is classic stalker now. So pleased your brother saw her for what she really was.

She knows my DF is in the police force so she's being bloody stupid if anything!! Hopefully it will settle down in the next few days, but my spidey senses tell me not to cross my fingers. Absolute nightmare.

I think I was just being naive but genuinely didn't know there was women out there this determined and vile!!! You always associate this kind of thing with men, sadly.

Well, it is usually men who do this, to be fair, but it doesn't minimise what is happening when it's being done by a woman, it's still serious.

I hope that she stops being so stupid and moves on.

Even though, your dad's in the police, I would still report all of it, if she carries on, every single time.