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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shocked by husbands behavour

84 replies

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 30/08/2018 15:35

Yesterday DH was putti g up wallpaper with this brother and FIL. MIL was also here. Early on I felt 2 I felt a pain in my eye really bad and said I thought I had a migraine so DH told me to go up to bed for a hour. He came up an hour later saying “when will you come down”. He had this idea that MIL and I would flirt around cleaning house while looking after 6 year old DS. I said I was in agony and if I could poss haven another hour that would be great. He stormed off but I was in too much pain to care.
About 30 minutes ago I woke up with a terrible pain over my eye and side of head and managed to crawl to the landing screaming out in agony.
DH came storming up saying “what do you want to do” and I managed to say I was in agony and felt sick. He stormed back down shouting at inlaws that he needs to take me to the hospital.

I crawled to the bathroom and was violently sick. DH came back up and I said I felt better but was still in a lot of pain. (Being sick when having a migraine always makes it feel better though I have never been in pain like this)
He says “Make up your mind and I suppose you can’t even be bothered to come down for five minutes” I said just give me a few minutes to get sorted and he said “don’t bloody bother” and stormed down the stairs shouting that “I can stay and finish off now”
Led on the bed feeling like shit. He did not even seem bothered with I was on my hands and knees screaming in agony.

OP posts:
Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 30/08/2018 15:36

Sorry for typos I am still a bit wobbly just for the record I don’t flirt with MIL

OP posts:
Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 30/08/2018 15:38

Just to clarify he has always been great. I have a disability but later he is getting more and more impatient. He started a new job soon and has decided our house needs to be immaculate

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 15:38

I don't know much about migraines but screaming in pain and crawlinf on your hands and knees sounds very extreme. Have you seen a doctor about them?

sulflower · 30/08/2018 15:40

I get debilitating migraines but have never been on my hands and knees screaming in pain. If you get them regularly are you not prescribed something by your GP.

Cloudyapples · 30/08/2018 15:40

What a shit. Hope you feel better soon.

Hidillyho · 30/08/2018 15:41

If you were in your husbands position would you have treated him in the same way? I doubt it.
Of course your are not being unreasonable. He was being selfish.

I am in pain daily so pretty used to pain. I absolutely cannot stand headaches and felt awful the 1 and only time I had a migraine. I have heard that they are really disabling and people literally can’t move from a silent blacked out room. Do you suffer with them usually?
If I was you I would be speaking to your husband and telling him that you were really ill and he treated you disgustingly

Fromage · 30/08/2018 15:43

He sounds very nasty.

Not sure what your aibu is, but I hope you're feeling better now.

Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 30/08/2018 15:44

It’s the first time I have been in pain like that. I came on worse the more and more sick I felt.

If it was him I would have dragged him to see someone or a least phoned NHS direct but he just seems relieved I was feeling a bit better

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 15:46

I would probably make an appt to see your doctor if I was you. That doesn't sound right at all.

Did your inlaws not come up to help? If even a stranger was on their hands and knees screaming in pain most people would rush to them.

FASH84 · 30/08/2018 15:47

OP are you on any migraine meds? I'm very prone to bad headaches, had childhood migraines regularly and very very occasionally get a migraine now. A year or so ago, I was mid migraine it was a multi day one, I had no meds as I hadn't had a migraine for ages, and Fitbit I had used the last of my supply, got an appointment with emergency GP (not mine), he prescribed amytriptaline which was student to what I'd been given before, I ended up in the state you describe, I've never felt pain like it. Went to A&E and I'd had a bad reaction to the medication on top of the migraine. Your DH is being massively unreasonable, no question, for your sake might be worth getting your meds checked.

sulflower · 30/08/2018 15:50

Definitely get a GP appointment. I have a high pain threshold but cannot stand migraine pain, it's totally debilitating. I usually get warning signs, only once have I had a sudden onset. They are hellish. Hope you feel better soon.

As for your husband, you know how to react next time he's feeling ill.

Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 30/08/2018 15:50

I think DH and FIL actually ingnored my screams at the beginning.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 15:57

That's very unusual. What about your mother in law and brother in law?.

Genuine human reaction if someone is screaming in pain is to rush to them, I've never encountered a situation where someone is crawling around and screaming and no one takes any notice.

Confused
CloudCaptain · 30/08/2018 16:01

I have never come across anyone who would ignore someone in pain like you describe unless you are a well known drama llama? Makes no sense.
Do family in law often ignore you?

Nesssie · 30/08/2018 16:02

A few of my family members suffer with extreme migraines that will leave them screaming in pain and vomiting. You need a dark room, lay down, hot water bottle on your head and peace and quiet and sympathy not some arsehole shouting at you. Absolutely unacceptable

If you commonly get migraines you could talk to your gp about imigran?

FilledSoda · 30/08/2018 16:04

I'd be interested to know what he's said to his family 're your health in general.
what vibe do you get from your mil?
I suspect they don't believe you .

Emmageddon · 30/08/2018 16:10

Get yourself checked out by a HCP as soon as possible.
Screaming in agony? And all DH was concerned about was you getting on with the housework? Bloody hell.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/08/2018 16:10

Genuine human reaction if someone is screaming in pain is to rush to them, I've never encountered a situation where someone is crawling around and screaming and no one takes any notice

Me neither. And I've had migraines for about 25 years. OP, is there some history that would explain the odd reactions from everyone in the house to your distress?

WorraLiberty · 30/08/2018 16:11

That's a very odd reaction from 3 adults towards someone crawling around on their hands and knees, screaming in agony and being sick?!

Either non of the 3 of them care at all, or perhaps they think you're a bit prone to drama?

It's just odd but I hope you feel better now.

blueangel1 · 30/08/2018 16:11

I get migraine and occasionally I will get what my GP terms an "atypical attack". These are usually bloody awful but I don't think I've ever ended up screaming with one. I would get a GP appointment and give your DH a sharp kick in the privates.

Hattifattner · 30/08/2018 16:14

in agony, screaming with pain, crawling to the bathroom.....but managing to write about it on Mumsnet....?

MrsMozart · 30/08/2018 16:14

Have you spoken with him about it?

Why the need to spruce up the house now?

Sarcelle · 30/08/2018 16:17

I have had bad migraines but the last thing I would want to do is go online and relay the episode. Surely you would be better going offline and resting your eyes rather than starting a thread on here?

TheBigFatMermaid · 30/08/2018 16:19

in agony, screaming with pain, crawling to the bathroom.....but managing to write about it on Mumsnet....?

The migraine was yesterday.

Chugalug · 30/08/2018 16:20

Oh my god...sod your husband....how are you op? Has this just happened? Do you need to call for help? 111? ..if your a bit better now your able to write this ,I'd get a doctors appointment for some migraine tablets...I've had a migraine once.and I live in fear of having another...look after yourself xxx