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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shocked by husbands behavour

84 replies

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 30/08/2018 15:35

Yesterday DH was putti g up wallpaper with this brother and FIL. MIL was also here. Early on I felt 2 I felt a pain in my eye really bad and said I thought I had a migraine so DH told me to go up to bed for a hour. He came up an hour later saying “when will you come down”. He had this idea that MIL and I would flirt around cleaning house while looking after 6 year old DS. I said I was in agony and if I could poss haven another hour that would be great. He stormed off but I was in too much pain to care.
About 30 minutes ago I woke up with a terrible pain over my eye and side of head and managed to crawl to the landing screaming out in agony.
DH came storming up saying “what do you want to do” and I managed to say I was in agony and felt sick. He stormed back down shouting at inlaws that he needs to take me to the hospital.

I crawled to the bathroom and was violently sick. DH came back up and I said I felt better but was still in a lot of pain. (Being sick when having a migraine always makes it feel better though I have never been in pain like this)
He says “Make up your mind and I suppose you can’t even be bothered to come down for five minutes” I said just give me a few minutes to get sorted and he said “don’t bloody bother” and stormed down the stairs shouting that “I can stay and finish off now”
Led on the bed feeling like shit. He did not even seem bothered with I was on my hands and knees screaming in agony.

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 16:57

The migraine was yesterday. Why are people on MN so quick to be mean to OPs, rather than reading threads properly?

And again

About 30 minutes ago ^I woke up with a terrible pain over my eye and side of head and managed to crawl to the landing screaming out in agony.
DH came storming up saying “what do you want to do” and I managed to say I was in agony and felt sick. He stormed back down shouting at inlaws that he needs to take me to the hospital.
I crawled to the bathroom and was violently sick.^

Gersemi · 30/08/2018 17:07

I suspect "30 minutes ago" may have been meant to be "30 minutes later".

Nanny0gg · 30/08/2018 17:11

Maybe she still isn't up to being entirely coherent?

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 17:14

It's not just the OP's DH who sounds awful.His Mum and Dad didn't seem bothered about the OP's agonising screams either

This. And the brother. So either this is exaggerated so people will sayher husbands a shit, or something is very wrong here and there is a back story.

It's not just the husband, apparently this woman was crawling around on her hands and knees screaming and her mother in law, her father in law, her brother in law and her husband all ignored her.

It's abnormal in two counts. One to be crawling and screaming, and two for your family all to pretend it's not happening and ignore you.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:16

Entirely possible. Not possible to read minds and knwonwhat she meant to say though. I can only go on what is posted. If OP meant yesterday then fair enough.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:17

Agree with that bluntness. It’s completely abnormal that people would ignore someone screaming in agony.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 30/08/2018 17:18

Just to clarify he has always been great.

Really?

WhoWants2Know · 30/08/2018 17:19

It's tough to judge how serious a situation is when you're in the middle of the pain. I've certainly had migraines that made me cry and vomit before.

I think by telling your husband to "give you an hour" you were trying to appease him and instead gave him an unrealistic expectation for when you would reappear. It probably would have been better to tell him it was a migraine and you would be out of action for the remainder of the day, maybe requesting some Migraleve from the chemist.

Nikephorus · 30/08/2018 17:19

I have never come across anyone who would ignore someone in pain like you describe unless you are a well known drama llama? Makes no sense.
This ^^.

CuriousBear · 30/08/2018 17:20

I’ve suffered with migraines for 26 years, I get them once every month or two now. Screaming and screaming, vomiting, then screaming some more is completely normal for me. I’d rather dislocate my knee again, that didn’t hurt anywhere near as much. The pain is utterly unreal, and if someone offered to shoot me in the head during an attack I might well agree! If anyone suggested an ambulance I’d tell them to fuck off, being dragged into a bright noisy environment would push me beyond anything I can imagine.

Unfortunately a lot of people think a migraine is “just a headache”.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:21

And would your family all ignore you screaming like that curious?

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 17:32

Op. Is there more to this in a way we haven't yet guessed. You say "he had this idea that MIL and I would flirt about cleaning whilst looking after my son" then you go on to tell us he wants the house perfect and is becoming impatient with you.

This episode co incided with when he expected you to do something. Have other episodes? Is that why he's becoming impatient, he thinks you're pulling a sickie to avoid helping out? Is that why he said you couldn't be bothered?

However as said, it doesn't make sense. Firstly you start off my saying " yesterday" then a paragraph later you say it was 30 mins ago. In addition you state his whole family are there, that you were crawling about screaming, and not one of them try to help you.

CuriousBear · 30/08/2018 17:35

And would your family all ignore you screaming like that curious?

Only my husband is ever around, but no he would not. He makes sure I’ve got water, sick bucket, cold compress and tells me he loves me. Normal stuff for a loving husband IMHO.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 30/08/2018 17:37

Wouldn't the screaming make it worse though? Genuine question.
When I get migraines I have to dose myself up with painkillers, lie in complete darkness with complete peace and quiet and even then it won't go until the next day.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:37

Yes that’s what I would have expected. Not for several people to completely ignore it, especially as it is not a regular occurrence according to OP, in the way it is for you.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:38

Last post to curious btw

CuriousBear · 30/08/2018 17:42

Screaming releases the vice-like pressure a little bit, IfIWasABird. I don’t get silence anyway, because I’ve got severe tinnitus.

CuriousBear · 30/08/2018 17:43

Sorry last post was to Pickwick.

knittedwoollenmouse · 30/08/2018 17:44

Sounds like it may have been a cluster headache if it was that severe. Making lots of noise when you’re in pain can relieve the pain a bit apparently. It helps you cope as well.

Your husband and his family sound awful.

mumofone234 · 30/08/2018 17:49

This sounds like a really horrible situation and your husband was definitely unsympathetic and unhelpful. You mention that you have a disability - does this mean that you naturally rely on him to help you with certain things or take on more of the everyday work? It sounds to me like he’s become a bit frustrated and feels he’s doing everything, and all his feelings have unfairly burst out during this one incident. Can you sit down when you’re both relaxed and have a chat about it? If he’s usually good to you and you’ve got on well previously, I’d say it’s worth talking and trying to decipher what’s happened to him lately.

Holidayshopping · 30/08/2018 17:49

You explain that you had a migraine yesterday when they were all decorating, but then when you posted at 3.30 this afternoon, you wrote,

About 30 minutes ago I woke up with a terrible pain over my eye and side of head and managed to crawl to the landing screaming out in agony.

Have you been asleep for 24 hours?

I think you are either prone to being v dramatic (and they think there’s nothing wrong with you), they are all really horrible and don’t like you or you need to go to A+E.

ElspethFlashman · 30/08/2018 17:53

This was the MIL that was slagging you off to her daughter by text and you found them when you were all on holiday? Cos you had had epileptic fits the previous holiday and they thought you were putting it on, or being a malingerer, or something? And they were all "I don't know how he puts up with her" or something?

Well that explains why your ILs didnt react.

SpottyBadger · 30/08/2018 18:28

I’ve had migraines that make me vomit and scream in pain. Big hugs op. Do you get them a lot? You need to be honest with yourself and DH. If you’ve got a migraine you need to stop saying you only need a few more minutes. Migraines knock you out for hours or days xx

Snappedandfarted2018 · 30/08/2018 18:36

in agony, screaming with pain, crawling to the bathroom.....but managing to write about it on Mumsnet...

I agree when I have migraines I can’t even look at screens,tv or have any lights on whatsoever never mind post on mn.

MulticolourMophead · 30/08/2018 18:36

I suspect "about 30 minutes ago" was meant to be "about 30 minutes later".