To not understand how this different from putting an anorexic model on the cover

[Spinderelle]

Cosmopolitan have a morbidly obese model on their cover this month. I am absolutely behind the idea of body positivity - after children my body is far from perfect and it’s nice to see companies like ASOS use larger women and not airbrush stretch marks etc.

But this model is dangerously obese and risking her health. How is that any different from having a dangerously thin model on the cover?

Of course Sali's right.

I read the article. It's insightful and well-written.

She quite rightly says that fat-shaming doesn't help overweight people. She's also right to say that the new 'body positivity' movement hasn't made a dent in beauty standards, and that the Cosmo cover is still drowned out by the legions of thin women on magazine covers.

What she has missed out, though, is that we don't know yet the long-term effects of the rise of the oversize model in mainstream culture - it's only just now gaining traction - and undeniably this cover its giant watershed moment to date.

She is approaching a weight where she will soon not be able to reach her own feet to clean them, if she even can now. She is already having difficulty wearing shoes. When you are morbidly obese you are at risk of developing edema in your legs as well as being prone to recurring sores on your legs or feet. They are very poor to heal and need frequent care and dressing changes. Some people are lucky and will avoid some of that. It depends on the individual.

The true picture of being extremely overweight.

Also when one develops a very big stomach, self-care after using the loo is an issue too.

Very sexy.

It's just the reality of getting that big. It's extremely unpalatable to talk about but it's true. She puts up pretty selective (and beautiful) photos of herself but if you look at multiple ones, her true size is easier to gauge.

You are 100% right. People don't like to examine the reality. They select the 'good' bits and ignore the rest.

It's shocking that young girls are going to see this picture and perhaps think it's fine to live on junk food and not exercise, or look after their health, which is precious, because 'hey! It's alright to be obese'

I'd be behind Tess' bopo effyourbeautystandards movement if she displays signs that she's fighting her genetic predisposition. I met her in person in 2015. She seems to have not lost any weight since, even seems to be getting bigger.

Plenty of big people have lost weight. Adele. Melissa McCarthy. Oprah. Or even people who may be bigger than standard model size aren't morbidly obese, like Ashley Graham. They're the ones I'd like to see in the cover.

"It's shocking that young girls are going to see this picture and perhaps think it's fine to live on junk food and not exercise, or look after their health, which is precious, because 'hey! It's alright to be obese'"

As long as 99.9% of models to continue to be the polar opposite of Tess, this isn't happening.

"What she has missed out, though, is that we don't know yet the long-term effects of the rise of the oversize model in mainstream culture - it's only just now gaining traction - and undeniably this cover its giant watershed moment to date."

One relatively well known obese model is hardly mainstream.

i think that there is a difference, between the anorexic model and the morbidly obese one, I really do not think that people see her on a magazine and think, I am disgusted in myself that I dont look like that.

I do however think that she shouldnt be on the front of a magazine at that size. Im morbidly obese myself, and ive struggled and struggled to gain control of my weight and my eating- more recently health professionals are starting to see that my weight is largely down to an eating disorder, not just being a stupid person who doesnt understand nutrition, and how to feel myself appropriately.

I just dont think that its helpful at all to have this woman who says shes a size- i believe 22?- im not sure about that i think she looks larger, and pretty much fuck anyone who doesnt like it, I think shes spoken of being perfectly healthy at her size, its an unhealthy and unrealistic story to tell people.

She may be healthy at her size, but most people will have health problems before they reach that size. I watched the programmes about VLCD diets, there was one man on there who had diabetes, he wasnt visibly overweight, I think he was about 2 stone over, so he was probably only in the overweight category. This woman is two categories higher, in the morbidly obese range, its just not responsible in my view- and i too am in the same sort of state myself, i am working on it (i have lost 3 stone so far)

but I am concerned that shes seen as an idol, an icon if you will, for big girls.

Why cant we just have more strong, curvy, normal weighted women in the public eye seen as a body positive in the magazines? it seems unless you are one extreme or the other you cant be a topic of conversation.

A US size 10 is a UK size 14 so using my crap maths, I'd say a US size 22 is a UK size 26, but I agree I think she's more a UK 30

As long as 99.9% of models to continue to be the polar opposite of Tess, this isn't happening.

I can absolutely see why you're saying this but you're wrong. Go on Instagram and search a few hashtags relating to the bopo community (eff your beauty standards, fatkini or bopo are good places to start) - there are lots and lots of accounts pushing the fact obesity is ok. Many of them have hundreds of thousands of followers; some have in the millions. These women are highly influential and are being paid large amounts of money to keep pushing their message. Magazines are just one part of things and a tiny one at that. The world has changed. The accounts are very assertive about pushing the line that obesity causes no health problems at all and if you're gaining weight you need do nothing about it other than keep eating.

And yes I would agree that TH is more like a UK size 30 at least but she refuses to say anything other than she's a US size 22.

What about the equally numerous proana wensures?

Or websites!

Doesn't take long on Google to find forums sharing tips on hiding eating disorders.

Well I think we can all agree that both extremes are harmful.

To the PP who said she would be nearing a size where she can’t take care of certain aspects of her hygiene, you are very right.

Being big to that extent must be very debilitating,

At my biggest I was a size 24, sometimes I could’ve done with a size 26 in certain tops and coats, those were items put back and quickly forgotten about instead of facing up to the problem.

At my heaviest- just under 22 stone, I had a lot of issues caused by my weight.

Some of those were that I carried (still do but it’s not as bad now) a lot of weight on my tummy, but have quite small legs, where I needed a 24-26 for my tummy, my legs only needed a size 18 or so, so what I did was met in the middle somewhere so my tummy was squashed and uncomfortable, and my legs on my jeans were baggy. That culminated in skin abscesses which requires numerous rounds of treatment.

I couldn’t paint my own toenails, I was still flexible, could sit cross legged on the floor, but for the life of me couldn’t paint my own toes because my body couldn’t move in such a way that I could get my gut out the way, my leg in the right position, and hold a nail polish brush in the right space.... I literally looked like my boobs, my chins, my gut and my arms were playing a game of their own.

The sweat sort of rash some women get under their boobs was one I had recurring under my tummy folds. Savlon became a normal routine for my tummy.

I couldn’t shave my Fanjo- well I couldn’t see it either.

And I’m most ashamed to say that sometimes wiping myself became almost impossible. Some toilet cubicles I just couldn’t use. Sometimes it was not having the room to move in such a way that wiping could happen, it became a contortion act. Other times it was that I just wanted Ilene fit in and be able to close the door.

Drying after a shower also became hard.

Walking anywhere would have sweat rolling down my face/back and I’d be out of breath climbing the stairs.

Then there was the, not being able to see a 4dX film because of my weight restriction. Some car seat belts being too small for me, having to ask to move from the table given in a restaurant because I couldn’t fit.

Then when buying clothes, even the ones that “fit” didn’t really. Bu the time you’re a size 22/24/26 the chances are you’ll find you have a hotspot for the chub, it might be your boobs, it might be your tum, it might be your legs.... all that time I spent shopping nothing would ever look nice. Not really nice.

That’s been quite hard to write, but I’ve been thinking about this subject all day.

The Eff your beauty standards etc etc stuff is just no good. The positive plus size stuff made me feel like I didn’t need to lose weight to be ok, that I was beautiful and big! That thought continued when at the age of 26 I was put on high blood pressure medication, well I’m beautiful! It doesn’t matter I’m big, how many people are popping up out of the woodwork saying “I’m healthier than my skinny friends, and I’m morbidly obese?!”

Someone who is already struggling with their weight, and lacks belief they can change is vulnerable to swallowing up the tripe that it’s perfectly fine to get to the stage where you’re morbidly obese.

I just wish there was a louder voice for women, teens and young girls, to say just aim to be in the correct sort of weight for your body type, exercise 3-5 times per week, try to get in 10,000 steps a day as a minimum and eat a healthy balanced diet so your body has all the nutrients it needs.

Beargoes When i was 21 stone i was doing ten hour night shifts.

I was a UK size 28 and lost the weight because i wanted to. I did this at the age of 29

I didnt do it because others wanted me to or because others were moaning about my weight. I did it when i was mentally ready to and when others had left me alone. This was 16 years ago i didnt lose much off my boobs though Went from a 46G to a 32HH which is the size i am now but i have small arms and shoulders so Bravissimo is a Godsend.

I take size 16 trousers due to lipodema (hereditary so not much i can do about this unless im able to travel back in time and hand my grandfather a condom) and due to the loose skin ive been left with on my tummy due to weight loss I do sweat a bit under there in the summer but not epically and this is AFTER losing the weight.

There are a lot of myths about weight loss and how it will change your life and solve all your problems. It can change your life to some extent but you will still have the same problems but just be dealing with them while wearing a smaller dress size. Me losing weight hasnt cured my husbands disability or made him able to have sex for instance.

And you will still be persecuted if you were overweight and lost the weight as the skin removal surgery thread proved.

Im glad i lost the weight but then there is always something else women are expected to do. The list of standards aimed at women is never ending.

Shaving my nether regions has never been on my radar as a size 28 or a 14.

Painting my toenails ............nope Cant do that as DHs COPD symptoms are exacerbated by nail polish fumes. I gave away a lovely bottle of red Nails Inc polish i got free with a magazine to one of the stylists in my hairdressers yesterday because it would just have sat on my dressing table not being used.

My weight seems to have stabilized really well I have no other vices in my life Ive never been interested in drink or drugs

Caitlin Moran covrered this well when she talked about carers in How To Be A Woman.

And we have to stop telling young women that their lives can only begin once they have lost the weight. THIS is damaging.

We need to make women feel valued and instill confidence FIRST. It was only when i gained a small amount of confidence that i felt able to tackle my weight.

Shaming does NOT work.

Bear and Helena very brave, informative posts.

I do find TH quite shocking to look at if I'm being honest, but what strikes me most about her is that she doesn't seem to be a very nice person. I honestly don't care less what someone looks like as long as they are kind. I say that as someone who is at the other end of the spectrum and is fascinated by all eating and reasons for exercising. I like to know what make people tick and yes so true that men would act so very differently if this was a larger chap on the front cover.

This is a big part of the problem.

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/sep/05/four-million-uk-children-too-poor-to-have-a-healthy-diet-study-finds?CMP=twt_gu

but what strikes me most about her is that she doesn't seem to be a very nice person. I honestly don't care less what someone looks like as long as they are kind.

I met her briefly and she was ok. But I've heard so many stories about her not being a nice person, even to her fans. And there's that thing when she scammed people who bought $40 tshirts from her. Supposedly she was going to donate part of the proceed to a charity. A lot of people did not receive their shirts, and when they complained, she blocked them from social media.

This is also why I can't get on board. Aside from clearly, she's not trying hard to fight genetics (otherwise she'd have lost some weight by now - it's been four years since I heard of her and the effyourbeautystandards movement), she doesn't even seem to be a nice person.

Every parent who buys low fat foods and diets at home should hang their heads in shame. Parental role modelling far more influential than magazine covers.

Every parent who tries to keep their own weight in the healthy range and prevent obesity in their children should get a fucking medal.

Mum was always on a diet but we all ate very well (she was a brilliant cook) and none of us has any food or weight issues - but then my dad was naturally very slim and we seemed to have taken after him weight wise.

Seeing someone struggling for ever to lose weight I can see that it can be tough.

I am a technically obese based on BMI , I have gained weight over the last 2 years due to overeating due to stress at home. I have started the 18 / 6 diet which seems to be working (lost half a stone in the last 3 weeks). I don't find it tough at the moment. The truth is I feel unhealthy due to the weight I have become , I'm not as flexible and I don't feel comfortable exercising at the weight I am at.

My children are normal weights and it drives me bonkers that they are being told that they are too thin by family members and I am being urged to fill them with fatty and sugary treats rather than allowing them to continue to eat what they feel is the right amount of healthy food. I am being chastised for not promoting unhealthy eating habits in them. And believe me they DO have treats and do eat at Macdonalds from time to time.

There is a major issue with attitude towards food/ diet in this country. Obesity will continue to arise until it is addressed.

Oh and I am 5ft 5 and a size 16. So that's what some would consider normal range.

My DH struggles with his weight, his DM allowed him and his ds to become obese as dc. He lost this weight due to illness and has gone up and down since. He works hard at eating healthily, making good choices and exercises. Lower fat foods along with lower sugar food are part of this. If he didn't make an effort he would be seriously over weight, he should be proud of the example he sets, not hang his head in shame.

taratill it is normal for me. i was a size 28

Every parent who tries to keep their own weight in the healthy range and prevent obesity in their children should get a fucking medal.

100%

I'm exactly the same taratill. I'm overweight but my children are slim. One is at the very bottom of the 'normal' range. They don't have low fat yoghurt or food but they have to see me trying to lose weight because I have to lose weight. They know that trying to lose weight once you've put it on is harder than not putting it on in the first place. I don't hang my head in shame for telling them that.

I saw an interview with that model who made an interesting point that she’s not telling everyone to go out and eat til they’re as fat at her. But she’s hoping that normalising non anorexic models with create a happy medium.

Sounds daft, from one extreme to the other, but she kind of has a point. People will look at tess being successful and maybe not feel the need to develop an eating disorder.