To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

I was constantly breastfeeding on the sofa the first month, literally cluster feeding for up to 12 hours without moving because I had poor milk supply and she was a lazy feeder and always fell asleep on and off feeding. It was ridiculous! Anytime she was awake I was too worn out to do anything.

When she finally stopped feeding continuously she wouldn't nap unless walked in the pram. So I used to feed in the morning for 2 hours then walk continuously for 2 hours whilst she slept in the morning, any slowing down or stopping would result in screaming. Go home for a lunch and breastfeeding then out again for another 2 hour walk. I was so exhausted the first 3/4 months.

It just depends what kind of baby you get, some babies just can drift off when you hold them. Mine didn't want any cuddling, just the pram.

The hot cup of tea thing I have never got I have had hot drinks and drunk them hot with all of my babies. Now as teenagers I have them made for me

I had really easy babies they slept through early on they had easy going temperaments and I remember my early years with mine as babies as a good time.

Having said that the years right now with them as teenagers are by far my favourite :)

It all depends on the baby's temperament and yours. What sort of dynamic that is created.

Definitely what Lisa said.

TBH I have found myself getting more annoyed with comments from mums of easy babies than childfree people.

My MIL was going on about how my DD as a toddler will understand if she has to wait until I "sort the baby" and I just wanted to scream that there is no "sort the baby and then" when you have a baby who cries whenever you put them down.

PPs have said everything there is to say about babies and their habits. I'd be more concerned that your DH is thinking having a baby isn't going to impact his life. You need a very big chat about how you're both going to share parenting responsibilities. Don't fall into the trap of letting your DH continue to live as he did pre-DC whilst your life changes out of recognition.

It’s like a hand grenade has been thrown into your life.

Depends on the baby, but a little tip I discovered when I had my second, babies love motion so if you just put them in pram, sling or car seat and carry on as you usually would, they just sleep all day with the occasional feed and it’s like they aren’t even there. But stay at home and they’ll grizzle and cry most of the day and you won’t be able to get much done. May not apply in all cases but worth a try!!

I had to get a better phone so I can use apps for things like banking and food shopping as I don't get a chance to sit at a computer
This. I got a bigger iPhone plus AirPod earbuds. Because I’m constantly holding the baby so can’t use a laptop or tablet, or have the volume turned up.

You can’t imagine until it happens, OP. You think you’re prepared - you have nieces and nephews or friends with babies; you’ve read books - but you’re not. Not for how dramatically your life will change; not for the constant tiredness; and not for the good things!

But whether you’ll get one that’s happy to lie in a bassinet whilst you buzz around or whether you get one that will be made of Velcro and refuse to be put down - that’s pretty much potluck. I’ve had one easy one and one clingy one, and there was a huuuge difference in what I achieved on maternity leave.

The ONLY important thing I think is not to have expectations of what it will be like. Be prepared to be flexible; to fit around the sort of baby you get for the first few weeks; to get all sorts of useless advice and to smile politely at those relatives; don’t expect to be able to cope with the same levels of cleaning and cooking for the first few weeks - and you’ll be fine. Roll with the punches and there’ll be a little routine before you know it.

Exciting times!

Breastfeeding takes up almost all the day for the first 6 weeks ish, so I got nothing done. But I did drink plenty of tea!

babies love motion so if you just put them in pram, sling or car seat and carry on as you usually would, they just sleep all day

Just incase anyone does this without reading up. Newborns can't be left in car seats for longer than about 30 minutes at a time and a maximum of 2 hours in a day. It restricts their breathing and I've heard of at least one baby in recent times that died after being left to sleep in their car seat.

Get a kindle!

Yes, obviously I didn’t mean leave them in their car seat all day!

DD used to wake about 7 and feed until 9 and then sleep for 20 mins while I would waddle to the bathroom for a shower and waddle back and I would not have a chance to get clothes on before I would start feeding her again for another two hours. It would be 11.30 and I would not be dressed yet.

one thing to remember is that you have to LEARN how to look after a baby. Learn how to breastfeed, how to change a nappy, how to bathe them, how to dress them. You do all this learning while recovering from giving birth[which is labour for a reason]. Your nether regions will feel bruised to fuck, you might have stitches, your breasts will be huge and sore and leaky. You won't get a good stretch of unbroken sleep. Your hormones will be all over the place.
It's like starting a new job the day after surgery.

And it's relentless. You have no idea how much effort it takes to feed a baby, change it and dress it. And once you're done they may need you to start all over again.

My 2 were very easy as newborns. I had time to do what I wanted, I could watch grown up tv if I just wanted to relax, I could make myself some lunch. All easily doable despite breastfeeding the youngest, and pumping for the eldest.

As soon as they started moving, I had no time at all. DS2 (11 months) climbs everything, and tries to put anything small enough in his mouth. I need extra eyes and hands for him.

It's different for everyone.

Haha. My baby was a nightmare. Breastfeeding didn’t work (in hindsight we’ve found a lip tie) so lots of screams due to a hungry baby. Formula feeding worked but made baby constipated so lots of screams again. And then reflux so more screaming and having to hold baby upright for an hour or so after each feed. And a bit of colic in there too. The nights and days were long as he never slept longer than two hours and only had those annoying 30-minute naps, but it got better after about 10 months.

I told my friend about the forgotten coffees and buying 2-in-1 shampoo so I didn’t have to waste time on conditioner thinking this was the case for everyone, but when she had her baby she said it was really easy and she just got on with it. Her baby has slept through since like 6 weeks and still at 9 months sleeps from 8pm until 9.30am and naps loads. So you really don’t know what you’re going to get! I hope you get an easy one but if you get a more challenging one, it’s not the end of the world. It’s tough but it gets easier and there are definitely those wonderful little moments like staring into each other’s eyes and smiling for ages. 😍

Good luck!

I'm not sure the newborn stage is the stage I'd be worrying about at all. That part is a doddle providing you can survive on 2 hours broken sleep.

Baby will sleep most of the day at first but it will likely be on you and you won't feel comfortable having a hot cuppa incase you spill any on baby, or baby will sleep in the pram and only if it is moving and you're out walking, same with the car.

This makes it difficult to get things done when baby is asleep because baby only sleeps if you're pushing the pram ect.

They like to poo in fresh nappies so everytime you change one, 4 minutes later once you've put everything away you'll have to change another.

Apart from lack of sleep though the newborn stage is the easiest stage you will have for years.

It's a few months later when they roll over and crawl away everytime you try and change their nappy it gets fun and it's not safe to leave them for a second to do anything and they are awake most of the day and you can't figure out how you will get in the shower.

I had 2 under 2 and the weight dropped off me in about 6 weeks I just barely got to sit down. And they don't get easier as they get older either. They just learn more ways to out think you, outrun you and outargue you

Oh and also
Nobody considers that with a newborn, it's a completely new person that you don't know.

You don't know when they are born what they like and what they don't like and finding out isn't fun.

Babies don't care what reccomended sleep recommendations are. You could spend the first month putting him down on his back in a Moses basket listening to him scream to find out he wants to lie on his front or his side.

I desperately wanted to swaddle ds as it was recommended at the time. Took me about 2 weeks to realise he hated it and it's why he wouldn't sleep. He wanted to be on his side.

Didn't think to swaddle with dd after that and spent about 3 weeks trying other things only to learn she loved a swaddle and slept like a baby after that, she also hated prams. I'd spent a fortune on her pram and she never used it, had to be carried everywhere in a sling or she would scream.

Have fun

Well, my first child may have slept for 14 hours a day but he did it in 20 minute bursts. By the time he was 8 months or so he had two proper naps a day, but as a newborn he slept in tiny snatches. And when he was awake he was either feeding or crying so that you had to get out of the house just to walk around with him in the hope that he would stop.

I've just spent 20 minutes playing peek-a-boo with my 10 week old...

I have two kids who were completely different as newborns. One very relaxed - you could pop on a playmat or in a bouncer and eat, drink tea, and be merry for extended periods. One was colicky and cried unless held, and barely ever napped. So hot food and drink was a distant dream in the first four months of her life.

Mine only slept for 30 mins to an hour in the morning and a couple of hours in the afternoon but only if she was out in the pram in the afternoon. I used to put her in her rocking swing thing in the morning for her short nap. I still had a shower first thing, after her morning feed I used to put her in her bouncy chair in the bathroom while I showered. I had plenty hot drinks and still kept on top of the house work either by rushing round when she was having her short morning nap, or I lay her on her playmat in the room I was in and chatted away to her as I did it. It was nothing like people said about never having a hot cuppa or a shower. She didn't sleep at night till she was 5 so I was permanently exhausted in the early days then got used to coping on very little sleep. People also said we wouldn't be able to keep a nice house and keep our light coloured carpets and sofas once she got on the move but we did and nothing ever happened to them.

You can still do things but you also end up trying to get lots done while they sleep (washing up, laundry, online shop)

Also as a First time Mum you'll spend some time checking they're still breathing when asleep!

Skittlesandbeer

Thank you for articulating something which is usually left unsaid. I read somewhere that the love you feel for your newborn is 'only a whisper away from grief'. I was so worried that she would die. And I don't think that was post-natal anxiety, I think it was the sudden responsibility for someone else's life that hit me like a ton of bricks. Because you are 100% responsible for them, if you're at home. Their welfare, their nutrition - everything. It's all on you.

My experience has been the opposite of what people have described. The first few months were hell. I was constantly exhausted because the baby woke up every hour during the night. I spent hours pushing, rocking and otherwise cajoling him to sleep. I spent hours breastfeeding. When he finally went to sleep I often had to hold him otherwise he’d wake up. I was too shattered to do anything other than the bare minimum of cooking, shopping and laundry (which was extensive due to repeated poo/sick on everyone’s clothes).

As he’s got older he’s much easier to look after. I can put him down and he’ll entertain himself for a bit. He breastfeeds less often. There’s less poo/sick to wash off. It’s possible for someone else to take him out for a couple of hours.