DP’s mother being a CF

[annoyedofrichmond]

I’ve lived with DP for about ten years. When we met he had (student) debts and no job, just left university. I owned a house (privileged background, I had a trust fund but always saved it and bought my property) and a sum in the bank through saving. Trustfund stopped when I was 21 but I was working by then.

DP’s sister is going through her second divorce and, as with her first divorce, coming out with very little. The house has not gone up in value in the few years they’ve had it so breaking even on selling it, and not many assets.

DP’s mother has just asked me whether DP and I have wills. I said yes. She then wanted to know what would happen to my house (she called it DP’s house) if DP and I split up . I just said we weren’t splitting up! She then wanted to know what would happen if DP died because her and DP’s dad are his “legal next of kin”.

WTF?

I think this has come about because of SIL’s
sad predicament but who asks questions like that?!

I started to remind her the house was mine before we met but then shut up, it’s none of her business is it?!

Maybe she’s thinking of pumping Your partner off tell him not to eat any pies she might bring round!!
Defo Marty him he sounds like a keeper.
When we made our wills we had to put in a clause which said if one of us dies less than 24 hours before the other then every still splits 50/50 not defaults to the one who dies last. I was as I never thought in that detail before. Doing the wills was an emotional thing (and complicated due to mixed families/ step children etc)

Fail! Bumping not pumping obvs!

Well I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was just wondering about DP’s assets if we split up because of his sister’s situation, and our wills because she saw something about it on the tv.

I don’t think she has any idea how rude it was to ask though and she’s given her thoughts away, namely that she thinks she has a right to know his business and maybe even sees his assets as her own (certainly more than they are mine!)

Is she planning to kill you and get your house? If so, get in there first.
The moment she starts stroking the worktops in the kitchen... thats you sign to take action!!!
Tie her hands and feet and selotape her mouth. Put headphones on her ears and play " love is all around " by wet wet wet.
Play until shes shes is sufficiently reprogrammed to be nice to everybody and your problem is solved.
Just remember not to leave it on for to long as this is a know formula for turture past 35.4 hours.
Good luck

Yep thats cheeky af of her

Firstly, unless you have recently talked to your DP's mother about your financial history, she may not know that you bought the house before the relationship, and that it's in your name only. She may actually be worried about what would happen to YOU if something happened to your partner and his assets went to his closest living relatives -- she and her husband. She may have thought you were both paying down a big mortgage on it, especially if you bought it 10 years ago, ie in 2008 before the crash. So I woudl give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it's either kindly meant, towards you and/or your DP, or just general curiosity.

But I do think you need to check with a lawyer about what happens in a split. You are not married, but long-term live-in partners do have legal rights. I would not assume that he can't make a claim if you split just because you are not married.

I think that she is very rude and a CF for automatically assuming any assets of your DP's will automatically got to her and not you...his partner of many years.

Though my MIL made the comment "some of that money should of rightly been mine" after DH died. Why on earth she thought she was entitled to his life insurance (that I/we paid) when he had a wife and child, I dont know

Surely this is being a bit nosey and rude, but hardly true CF ish

I've discussed wills with my MIL. Well, actually she's an outlaw but anyway, she treats both of her DIL as daughters and had welcomed XSIL as a son; she raises anything with us jointly because she sees us as a pair. Both our parents checked in that we had wills and a guardian after we had our son; we had set it up but I wasn't offended and took the opportunity to let them know (the trust is a sibling mix and the guardian sibling knew all the details because we had her agree to be guardian). It might be that she is considering what to give SIL now or what to leave her and that will depend on how your partner's assets pan out if there is a huge variance in wealth between the siblings, and asking questions might be the first step in thinking about that. You know her, so only you can judge if she generally means well or not. I had one relative (now dead) who would absolutely have thought only of themselves and their entitlement, but everyone else I would assume the best of them.

In the run up to our wedding DSIL was positively gleeful about DH and I dying together once married as all the money would go to her side of the family (DH is the youngest of the two of us so it would pass to his family under the intestate laws). I made sure we signed a will the day before our wedding so she couldn’t get her hands on my half of the money if the worst happened!!

You have reminded me that although my will names my pension, I didn't change the old inheritor with the provider and I don't know which has precedence (presumably the will as it was written later). Also we really need to get married for IHT reasons too. What a faff!

Bunts, you may need to check your wills. Most wills become invalid if they have been made prior to signing the marriage certificate.

Marriage invalidates any will made before the marriage takes place. So anybody who has made a will before marriage needs to re-make it post marriage.

If a will is made with a "in contemplation of marriage" clause then the will won't be invalidated upon marriage.

Our wills were written before DS. It does say something like “if there are no children” but I suppose we ought to have them rewritten now there definitely is.

Also laughing @Excited for getting married being a faff. That's how we felt!

I can sort of understand her DDs situation making her wonder if her DS is secure.

But surely that would be a conversation with him asking if he does have savings etc and would he be OK if you split etc..

But ask if they get something if he dies is very very odd!! Who thinks like this? I can't ever imagine saying something like that to my DCs. If something happened to my DCs the last thing I would be thinking about is money!

As an aside, I think it's very generous of you to give money to an institution like that. I mean, in the end, it is only money and you can't take it with you, but could make a difference somewhere else.

I think it was a bit rude but is it that unusual for families to talk about wills etc to each other? It's important and people don't talk about it enough. Maybe as said in pps she saw something and then was with you and asked about it. Its a valid concern.

My brother died suddenly and intestate leaving his unmarried DP and DC with an expensive legal headache on top of all the grief.

MIL made a point of telling us to ensure our wills were up to date and reflected our circumstances when I had dc and we bought a house together.

She never told me she would inherit everything because she’s DP’s next of kin! That’s the weird bit.

Also she spoke of it as advice and to both of us not just me on my own, which I would find very odd.

@fuzzywuzzy - in the original post, she didn't say she'd inherit, she asked what would happen because she's next of kin. So she could have been trying to suggest that they should get married or otherwise sort out their finances. Or she might not. It would help so much if people could attach an hour or so of video clip of the subject of their questions, to help with judging potential cheeky fuckerness versus falsely accused.