Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP’s mother being a CF

144 replies

annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 17:29

I’ve lived with DP for about ten years. When we met he had (student) debts and no job, just left university. I owned a house (privileged background, I had a trust fund but always saved it and bought my property) and a sum in the bank through saving. Trustfund stopped when I was 21 but I was working by then.

DP’s sister is going through her second divorce and, as with her first divorce, coming out with very little. The house has not gone up in value in the few years they’ve had it so breaking even on selling it, and not many assets.

DP’s mother has just asked me whether DP and I have wills. I said yes. She then wanted to know what would happen to my house (she called it DP’s house) if DP and I split up Hmm . I just said we weren’t splitting up! She then wanted to know what would happen if DP died Shock because her and DP’s dad are his “legal next of kin”.

WTF?

I think this has come about because of SIL’s
sad predicament but who asks questions like that?!

I started to remind her the house was mine before we met but then shut up, it’s none of her business is it?!

OP posts:
wombatsears · 29/08/2018 18:30

And actually, it would be possible to argue that her son's future is her business......

Well quite but then she should be asking him about it not his partner!

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2018 18:32

Fair enough. But I still think it’s a legitimate question. Particularly as it’s the Op’s house and the usual response of the person in a cohabiting paretnrrship who’s going to come out worst is “I’m not worried - he/she has promised I’ll be OK.”

TheIcon · 29/08/2018 18:33

"Surely you'd be more worried about you dying, given your age, you miserable trout"

Bestseller · 29/08/2018 18:35

I'd be worried for my son (or daughter) in her position. The next of kin comment does sound like she's thinking of herself but DP is in a precarious position and his sister's situation will be bringing that home to all of them.

Not her business to be discussing it with you though

butlerswharf · 29/08/2018 18:37

Just tell her there's no such thing as legal next of kin! It means nothing

Sisterlove · 29/08/2018 18:37

She should have asked her DS.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2018 18:37

“Not her business to be discussing it with you though”

Oh yes, I forgot that on Mumsnet you are not allowed to have any feelings for or concerns about your adult children at all....

Racecardriver · 29/08/2018 18:38

I don't think that she is being a cf as much as rude. If he has a reasonable income and is not going to take a career break to raise children I don't see any reason doff concern with to be perfectly honest.

timeisnotaline · 29/08/2018 18:38

It’s fine to worry about your son - you talk to your son about it! It is pretty cheeky to in the same sentence remind the op shes not next of kin and to also imply her son should share in the ops house. The op isn’t good enough to inherit from her son but should share all of her assets with him?

TheIcon · 29/08/2018 18:40

So, Bertrand, should I ring my adult child's boss to make sure they're not going to get fired? Because, I'm obviously concerned that they can find a lifestyle? If not, why not?

Needahairbrush · 29/08/2018 18:40

“But your Son doesn’t have a house?”
I’d tell him what she’s asking tbh

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 18:40

She called it his house though. “What happens to “DP’s name’s house?” Hmm

Even if it was his house, who tells the long term partner that they are the legal next of kin?!

She never asked whether the house was in DP’s name. She seems to think it’s his.

OP posts:
TheIcon · 29/08/2018 18:42

Then tell her it's your house. He just happens to live there rent free out of the goodness of your heart.

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 18:49

Should add that she should know who bought the house because when we were bf and gf (before living together) they visited me in it!

OP posts:
Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 18:50

I don’t know why but it seemed grabby to say it was my house, I think of it as our house... but not their house!

My sister would never be as rude to ask and she’s s beneficiary!

OP posts:
marriedwithhounds · 29/08/2018 18:53

What a weird thing for her to ask! I'd just be honest if I were you - it's amazing how much a cal but frank exchange can achieve.

Thatsfuckingshit · 29/08/2018 18:56

I think she’s being a cf because we are not splitting up and it’s none of her business.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, tbh. No one plans splitting up. Sometimes it happens. She has seen her daughter in a precarious position, twice. And she is wondering about her son.

She may have made a mistake, asking you. But sometimes, when things are on our minds we don't always do things the right way. She might be worried about asking her son.

Honestly, I would just forget this. Let it go over my head.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2018 19:01

You love your dp. I think the two of you should secure his future in case you split. His mother went about it the wrong way of course. But he’s had years of not buying because you have a house. Time to change this.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/08/2018 19:01

She then wanted to know what would happen if DP died Shock because her and DP’s dad are his “legal next of kin”.

I’d start worrying when they buy your DP a sky diving experience for Christmas Wink

MissConductUS · 29/08/2018 19:02

I think she just wants to make sure that when she poisons your tea she and SIL can move right in.

Grin

Yes, cheeky as the moon.

NotTheFordType · 29/08/2018 19:02

"If we both died estate is split down the middle and wills specify the (very simple) beneficiaries. DP’s parents don’t inherit. "

Unless they kill both of you... 😨

NotTheFordType · 29/08/2018 19:03

Sorry I meant "and the beneficiaries".... Don't leave a copy lying around OP!

But seriously that was a weird question for her to ask.

Original poster
annoyedofrichmond · 29/08/2018 19:04

he’s had years of not buying

He could have bought, decided to save more to get a better property, because he could!

It never occurred to me he might leave but I suppose he might.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 29/08/2018 19:07

NotTheFordType - tandem sky diving vouchers?

Twotailed · 29/08/2018 19:07

Bloody hell, that’s astonishingly rude!!!